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Undiagnosed C-ptsd undiagnosed. domestic violence.

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Hi my name is Abigail I am a 31 year old mother of 2 beautiful children. I am fighting to get my kids back after a nasty sepperation from their father who was emotinally abusive for ten years which turned into aggressive physical abuse for the last couple months! We have been separated for about three years and I have been seeing the most understanding compassionate patient man for the last 2 years. It has recently come to my attention that the trauma I dealt with through the 10 years of my life with my ex-husband and then again having everything ripped from me at the end has caused me to have severe panic attacks anxiety attacks painful depression and paranoia I'm reaching out to this group and hopes that I can get some clarity on the complex post-traumatic stress disorder as of right now I do not have medical insurance so I am not able to get proper medical treatment but hopefully with your tools and experiences I will be able to navigate through this to the best of my ability until I am able to obtain medical assistance. This is destroyed me and taking everything I love I'm finally putting my foot down I'm not I won't let it take anything else from my life so if you have any suggestions or any references that you think might be helpful for me I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance for your support and for giving me a place to turn to in my time of need.
 
Hi Abigail, and welcome. There's a local sexual and domestic abuse shelter in my area that offers free counseling to sufferers. Not sure if your area offers anything similar. They don't diagnose and treat, but they're a great resource for talk support/counseling/guidance/other services/etc. They also offer a weekly support group.

I found my greatest relief from my anxiety in learning breathing techniques such as diaphragmatic, rhythmic, and alternate nostril. Breath is free (for now...lol) and with us 24/7. Hope you find some things as you travel around the forum that help you find your healthiest healing grooves. Such a wealth of experience to be found here. Take good care.
 
So many different things that happened in my life that it's hard to pinpoint what has caused me to be like this but I have not worked in 3 years I prefer to not go outside of my door of my home it is hard because I take care of a three-year-old 24 hours a day 7 days a week well I also don't have my children which makes that even harder so long story short biological father never around babysitters boyfriend sexually assaulted me when I was six stepfather was handing me money hand-over-fist but would never show me affection or love or time got married at 20 years old I had a daughter who is 7 months old at the time then have my son threw years later and pretty much put myself Through Torture for another 7 years to try and keep my family together for my kids he got really bad on drugs and started putting his hands on me and then one day he put his hands on my son who at the time was 5 years old and that was the end of it for me I told him leave got my own place and not too long after that we were victims of home invasion me and both my children I had a gun to my head and was pushed down 14 stairs nearly cracking my neck charges were never pressed due to fear of retaliation lost my home because of the situation lost my kids because I didn't have a proper home for them been fighting for them since then but still have fear of anything that requires me to socialize getting a job going to a friend's house just go in and standing outside my door and talk on my neighbors just terrifying for me and nobody understands it I feel like I'm going to die in this house if something doesn't happen and soon
 
Welcome to the forums! :hug: You have been through so much.

There may be options to get help without insurance. I'd suggest calling United Way (just dial 211 from any phone in the US) as they have a database of low cost counseling options in many areas, or connecting with your local county mental health center. They often take clients withou insurance.
 
I've tried our local mental health called avita Community Partners however they will not complete an assessment on financial aid it's $50 me and my boyfriend can not afford seeing as he's the only one working and we are barely scraping by paying bills I'm at a loss I am slowly fading and no one even knows I assume my boyfriend is cheating when he hasn't given me any reason to ever think that this man literally goes to work and comes home he's the only person I have left in my corner I got to figure something out before I loose my best friend
 
I've also in the last year learned about my own c-ptsd and have been doing research. C-ptsd is a relatively new concept compared to PTSD and is not yet even in the diagnostic manuals. There is at least one article out there that suggests getting treatment for interpersonal difficulties and emotion regulation first followed by a typical PTSD treatment might be more helpful, but there is nothing definitive. I can tell you that in my experience, I got help specifically to treat the panic disorder first and that took quite a bit of the edge off. As others have commented, there are some good resources online for learning about panic disorder and there might be some free apps that you can download. Panic is fear of fear, so once I realized that no matter how badly I panic, the only real long-term outcome is maybe a headache, it helped! As for the C-PTSD, I really do think this requires a trained therapist to help you with. When your self concept has been affected by someone to such a significant degree, it really is a hard nut to crack in order to start the change process. I simply cannot stop myself from thinking I am a failure and thinking that everyone around me is against me, even when I have contradictory information. Those traumas run deep. One concept that helps me is called emotional reasoning, which is when you allow your feelings to dictate how your thinking. For instance, I might wake up with the feeling that something is wrong, and this leads to all sorts of paranoia followed by faulty assumptions, thinking, etc. It's a cycle. Thus, what I try to do is really be aware of my feelings, not let them influence my thinking, and just try to remain logical and rational no matter what my mood is. This helps a lot. And when it really gets interesting is when you start recognizing the things that trigger you and put you into that mood to begin with (e.g., stress, judgemental or threatening individuals, financial difficulties). Slowly but surely, the knot sort of begins to unravel as you recognize how emotions thoughts and behaviors are connected, and then the cptsd starts to lose its grip on you.
 
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