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Can Someone Help My Husband With PTSD?

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by leala, Nov 5, 2007.

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  1. leala

    leala New Member

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    my husband has ptsd and he is always yelling at our boys sometimes im scared that he will hurt them as he can get very angry at them. he would never mean to hurt them but i still get worryed. i tell him not to tell the boys off that i will do it but i cant be around 24/7. he is getting help now.. how long should it take for him to get his life back on track so we can start with our marriage again
     
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  3. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Hello Leala. Welcome to the forum, lovely to have you. How old are your children? I assume your husband is home with them whilst you are working? Leala, if you are truly concerned about him hurting them, I would not ignore that concern. Take whatever steps necessary to protect your precious children. Absolutely he may not mean to hurt them, however that will be little consolation to you in the event that he does hurt them one day. I am glad though he is getting help for his PTSD, that is most important.

    Leala, PTSD is a permanent condition. Your husband will not be the man he was before his trauma. With treatment and much hard work on his part, he can learn to manage his PTSD, however it will take a while. From what I have been told and have observed in others, at the very least a couple of years to the management stage, and that is contigent upon the sufferer working very dilligently upon themselves. Additionally, every person is different, some may take longer depending on the severity of the trauma, how much they remember, the stress they are under and so on. There really is no set timeline. If you wish to remain married you are in it for the long haul so to speak. This is very important to realize.

    I suggest Leala that you learn as much about PTSD as you possibly can. You have certainly come to the right place for that. This forum contains much valuable information to those who will avail themselves of it. Try reading in the Information sections, also the forum in general, and feel free to ask questions of both the sufferers and the carers. Do take care and I look forward to chatting with you more.
     
  4. leala

    leala New Member

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    my kid's are 3 and 15 months.. its hard because my husband is my would. we cant do anything because he hates to leave the house he is looking out the window if he hears cars or hears people. we had only none each other for about a month be4 it all happened so i don't think i have ever seen the real him... he just don't seem to think about us at all unless we are fighting then he says he but u no i love u but he don't seam to.. he has never even got me a birthday gift or anything 4 mothers day its like he takes it all for granted dose this have anything to do with ptsd? i don't no
     
  5. Frankie

    Frankie Well-Known Member

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    Hi Leala,

    Kathy is right, you have to protect your sons more then ever. Your husband is suffering from a condition that is permanent and he will only get better if he goes to see a doctor and take medicine. Most importantly is if he WANTS to get better ! Once you truly realize and accept it, then your healing can begin too ! But you don't have to excuse or accept his being aggressive !

    My bf of 1 year also has PTSD and like you I didn't know him when he didn't have it, so I don't know the person he was, only the person he has become !

    My bf has been seeing doctors (once to two times a week, down from 4 times a week) and has been on medication for the past 3 years. He is doing much better, and I also see changes, for the best, in the past year. My bf is not "cured" but he is doing real good !

    As Kathy says, it can take 2 years, (to manage the condition) or more depending on the case and on the person. My bf has his bad days, and when that happens, I ask him if he wants to share and talk...if he doesn't, I don't push ! He goes off on his own a lot too, he needs it ! Also, he needs to always keep busy !

    All I can tell you is continue to love him, show your support and understanding, accept what he can offer.

    Most importantly be patient and understand that what he is going through is so much more painful then we as carers are going through ! There will be times he will get angry, sad, emotional, moody, forgetful, sleepy, scared, he will have panick attacks, he will want to protect you from things he only can see or feel, the list goes on ! but always remember he is suffering too !

    Having said all this, what is most important is for you to take care of yourself too, never forget your needs or your sons' needs !
     
  6. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Leala, I must say 3 years and 15 months are very young ones, practically babies really, so constant yelling in itself is stressful and harmful to them. Not that yelling is good for any child, but little ones are especially helpless and vulnerable. They have very little control over their actions, and yelling will certainly not help their behaviour nor how they feel about themselves in future. Additionally if he is yelling so often I also must wonder if he may slap or shake them at some point, in a fit of rage. Shaken baby syndrome is most devastating, with many young ones even dying from it. I am sorry to frighten you, that is obviously worse case scenario, however as a social worker I have seen too many instances of worse case scenario over the years. It really is your job to protect them Leala, they have no one else to defend them. I realize you may have limited options however please, please try to find out if you can be funded for some sort of respite for your husband, childcare benefit and so on. I would hate to see something happen to your precious little ones.

    Well I wouldn't say it has anything directly to do with PTSD, some men are simply very forgetful in those areas. However, it could be a sign of depression, that he is not really interested in special events period. Severely depressed people lose interest in everything. It could also be that he is so stressed that he cannot deal with anything at the moment. In any event I am glad he is getting help now and I hope matters improve for all of you. Take good care.
     
  7. leala

    leala New Member

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    i told him it had to stop or we are leaving and he is really trying to calm down we went to the doctors and got put on med s..escitalopram... i hope this will help... he has not yelled at them in 2 days now.. he has not started the meds as the doctor told him to wait till the weekend ....
     
  8. leala

    leala New Member

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    i found out the reason he never gets me anything is cos we hates to leave the house by himself.. he dont go anywhere and i never really thought anything of it till he sais. the only time he will leave the house by himself is to go the doctors or to the milk bar around the corner
     
  9. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Well done for protecting your children and yourself, Leala! As he is now trying to do better and has gone to the doctor and so on, perhaps this is the wake up call he needs. I do hope so.

    Oh Lexapro (that is the brand name). My son was also on this medication for a time. We have an article about it here on the forum, with much information, should you wish to read it:

    [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread238.html[/DLMURL]

    Ah. So it sounds as though he has agoraphobia? That is the fear of leaving the house alone, crowds, open spaces, being out of control in certain situations away from home and so on. Many people with PTSD have agoraphobia to varying degrees, some worse than others. Your husband will need treatment for this as well. Certainly though, if that is the reason for him not giving you a gift then it is understandable.

    Take care Leala, and do keep us informed of how things are progressing.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2015
  10. leala

    leala New Member

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    he has been taking him med's for a week now he said he feels so much better and he has not lost his temper. he seems to be doing really good so i hope they keep working
     
  11. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    That is very positive news Leala, I am delighted for you both! I do hope it continues, please keep us informed and take care.
     
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