Z
Zevu
Hey you guys! I'm new to this forum, and am mostly just looking for some understanding and validation. I haven't had a specific emotional trauma occur to me, but two years ago, I developed an eating disorder, and had to be hospitalized for a year and a half. There was a lot of chaotic days in treatment, of course, but they weren't all terrible and it helped me heal and grow. Now, though, I find that the place that saved my life has also left me with a lot of fears. I can't be in rooms with locked doors, and I can't handle being in one place for more than a couple of hours before growing severely anxious, and needing to leave. I can't handle the tastes of certain foods because they remind me of hospital food. Any kind of yelling sends my body into immediate panic. When I don't have access to a car, I feel trapped, and panic. When I'm in my home all day, I convince myself that I'm a prisoner, and am unable to leave. I see the faces of my past fellow patients everywhere I go, and long to talk to them, yet they end up being strangers who look like them. I never share my emotions with anyone, with fear that I'll somehow be reported and returned to the hospital, even if they are very mild emotions with no cause for such a thing. I know these things may sound mild or irrelevant, but it intrudes into my thoughts every day. I haven't found anyone else going through something similar, and everywhere I've looked online, I've never seen anything that says that elongated hospital stays can cause Complex PTSD. But it feels like the only explanation. I feel very alone and invalidated. I'm in a healthy place thanks to treatment, but that kind of isolation had left some scars on my life that I can't seem to shake. Can anyone relate? I appreciate you all. Keep fighting. xx