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Cathy's Mental Imagery

Discussion in 'General' started by cookie, Jan 1, 2007.

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  1. cookie

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    WARNING: If you plan on submitting your own mental imagery interview for assessment, DO NOT read the proceeding first, instead fill out your own interview first, then read these, so your current mental image is not skewed, resulting in a possible inaccurate emotional state being returned to you.

    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road?light brown,
    Q2. What texture is the road? dirt and sandstone, bumpy and rutty
    Q3. How solid is the road? solid, but with ruts

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

    Q4. How do you cross the river? found and old log and floated/paddled across
    Q5. What does the water look like? greenish, swirling, but not rough
    Q6. How fast is the water current? medium, not still, not rushing
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what? dead trees that have fallen into the water against the banks here and there.

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house?white, sort of, paint peeling
    Q9. What condition is the house in? dilapitated old farmhouse, broken windows, missing, rotting boards.
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who? no, no more.

    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup? reddish brown (clay)
    Q12. What condition is the cup in? good
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? no

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?a tree, fallen across long ago, no leaves, just dead wood and sticks.
    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle? the road going down over the hill, far off--green hills.
     
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  3. cookie

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    Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

    This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

    #1 an old farm road, i prob. picked it because i love/miss the country. .

    #2 dirt and sandstone there naturally, ruts worn in by rainwater running out of the hills. i can't imagine unless it's my life?

    #3 although it's solid, you have to watch your step for the ruts. they are large enough, and dry, so I can walk through them, but I could turn my
    ankle, or trip if not careful. maybe life is just a little treacherous right now?

    #4 The river is deep, but not too wide. lots of tree limbs, brush, on the banks. not too hard to find a piece of an old tree trunk to hang on and paddle across. cattails and brush growing all along the banks. the water is not cold.

    #5 the water is the deep green color of water surrounded by trees, shaded somewhat. it is a peacful, primitive kind of place.

    #6 the current is there, it's not still, but the water is not rough or choppy, just swirling a little as it runs by. not hard to paddle through.

    #7 things in the water are all at the bank areas, brush, fallen trees,cattails. nothing impedes the flow of the water, the middle is free of debris. i don't know, the river is just something i have to get across to find where the road goes. maybe just one of those things you have to go through to get on with life?

    #8 although it's white, the paint is peeling or worn away, and dirty from years of coal soot from the chimney and dust/dirt from neglect.

    #9 the condition is just falling down. windows broken in the upper story, i can see that there is junk stored up there, stacked up rather haphazardly. chimney crumbling, porch missing lots of boards, rotting away. pieces of broken farm machinery litter the yard, old chicken coop and other small buildings desserted. it is too quiet, there would have been the noise of cows, and chickens, and tractors, and children.

    #10 no one there now, but obviously was in the past. makes me sad, wondering what ever became of the family that must have been there.i am not good at interpreting things--i have no clue what it could be, other than maybe sadness that things are not like they were before? things are in shambles and empty now?

    #11 the cup is obviously hand made by a child, shape of round mug. small pebbles imbedded around the outside like a decoration of sorts. makes me wonder about who made it, and why they left it behind.. more curiosity than emotion, really.

    #12 the cup is in good shape, but it really would not have been from just being out in the open, only made of clay. it looks like it's made long ago, but just recently dropped or left in the edge of the field.

    #13 nothing in the cup, empty-lying on its side unable to hold anything if there were something in it at one time.
    i can't imagine, just a discovery of some kind, maybe..evidence of another person being there before?

    #14 the tree must be something me from the rest of the journey, something i can get over, though...if i were really there, i'd just climb over it somehow. maybe it's this danged ptsd in my way. no reall strong emotion in any of this, just sort of a desire to see things the way they were.
     
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Life

    You feel moderate difficulty navigating life at present with an overwhelming feeling of being unappreciated, or depreciated. Whilst there is mild pain present, you feel that life has soiled you in some manner that you no longer feel pristine, and that others have devalued you.

    Sexual Relationships

    You feel a sense of stagnation within your relationships, with displeasure in a sexual relationship, possibly stuck, where at times perhaps under the control of others swirling you around. Your wondering what is normal. Possibly asking yourself, "is this something one goes through in order to get on with life?"

    Support System

    You show an innocent idealism about your support, though very aware of not having good support systems in the past. You feel neglect towards not being appreciated, as those depreciated are atleast paid some attention. Sadness is overwhelming here. You feel a lack of confidence within yourself, outlining a poor self esteem is present.

    Commitment

    You are very committed towards your relationships; however you're in denial in regard to the way you have been treated in past relationships, as you have a sense of abandonment from past relationships, adding to your present sadness.

    Most Significant Problem

    Your largest present problem is the feeling of victimization. The conditions necessary for us to grow big and strong were not always present, if present at all; for example, if love does not truly exist between us and our parents, we may feel we have fallen from their love. You feel there is very much hope for the future, and are quite optimistic for your future that lay awaiting you.

    ******************************************************

    What do you feel in relation to the above Cathy? What connection can you make from your mental image?

    Cathy, lets explore something a bit further.

    Imagine that a movie is being made of the tree falling, capturing the entire process.

    # What time of day or night is it?
    # What does the sky look like?
    # What is the weather like?
    # Describe the conditions like a weather report, temperature, wind speed and whether it is raining or not.
    # Describe why and how the tree fell?
     
  5. cookie

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    i feel that's probably fairly correct. i would love to know how you figured that all out. i don't know what you mean by what connection from my mental image????dumb, i guess.
    do you mean the questions to go with the "movie"or just the imagery? i assume you mean about when the tree fell?

    if so, ok. it had fallen so long ago that i really can't tell for sure, but i would assume that the wind blew it down, because the roots are exposed, like it just fell completely.
    if i were to imagine it happening, i would think midday of long few days of rain and storms, to make the ground soft. chilly rain, but not cold, raining hard in the storm, sky filled with angry clouds moving quickly. dark, very dark from the storm. the wind would be whipping around, trees bending all around, it would be hard to stand up there, wind blowing so hard in gusts. as the ground had been softened by the rain so long, it just allowed the weight of the tree bending to uproot it. the storm probably continued for a while longer, and no one ever moved the tree out of the road, so it lay there and rotted over time. now it lays in several pieces where it has gradually broken as it rotted. debris all around it where the dead leaves and sticks and stuff gathered over time. i wouldn't know a number for the wind speed, but at least 50 miles an hr. or so, but not constant, in gusts.

    if this is not what you meant, just delete and i'll try again.
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Ok Cathy, what if I said to you, the tree is your perception of yourself?

    What does the falling of the tree imply:

    You have anger towards authority figures, a passive aggressive trait even, that is appearing pleasant towards authority figures on the surface, though underneath an unhealthy anger towards them. (ie. neglect from authority figures over doing nothing with your abuse) The way in which you described your tree to fall presents persistent long term sexual issue that contributed to the tree falling (yourself). In other words, you were weakened from your abuse with no support from others. Nobody came to assist you when you where down, thus further weakening of yourself occurred.

    Now, let me show you another way in which the detemination was made from your mental image.
    1. depicts a feeling of unappreciated or depreciated
    2. moderate difficulty navigating life
    3. feel I am progressing well with little difficulty (ruts show denial, thus revert to previous outcome)
    4. preoccupation with male sex aspect
    5. Green water swirling depicts confusion about what is normal
    6. stagnation
    7. victimization
    8. Innocent idealism
    9. Awareness of lacking support systems
    10. No denial regarding support system
    11. Excitement towards committed relationship
    12. Denial in being treated well, as victimization shown previously
    13. Commitment towards only one person
    14. The fallen tree is a respresentation of yourself (victimization twice shown)
    15. You are looking beyond the present to a healthy future
     
  7. cookie

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    ok, i am a little in the dark here, with just a couple of things.
    i just don't quite understand. one is the stuff about sexual relationships...
    i don't quite understand the preoccupation thing, or the confusion. i just about don't have any sexual relationship right now anyway, but it's my fault.
    the other is #12. denial of being treated well? i don't get it. i have been treated well by just about everybody but my parents. what exactly is victimization--feeling like a victim? feeling sorry for yourself? that's the part i hate. sorry to bug you, i just have been looking over this, and not clear on all of it. dense here.
     
  8. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    You answered both question yourself there Cathy. You see, mental imagery is about showing you what is current emotionally hindering you, ie. its on your mind and causing you issues whether known or unknown to you at the time.

    Sexual preoccupation / confusion: You answered that the moment you said its "non existant at present." Whether sex is present or not within your life, you are obviously thinking about it, and it is causing you some current emotional turmoil, ie. you either don't want it, or you want it, but don't know whether you can accept the emotional feelings that come with it. You can answer more on this really, by simply telling what you feel in regard to this. The mental imagery has helped you connect and identify that this is an issue for you Cathy... now you just need to accept the issue and come to terms with it.

    Cathy, tell me something please; who has treated you well consisently in your life, then list those who have not treated you well within your life?
     
  9. cookie

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    treated me well consistantly, my aunt kitty and uncle ron, kitty stopped my mother a couple times when things were bad, and she would check on me sometimes, never said outright anything, but would just ask me how things were going at home. funny, because she is also the sister that my mother is closest to. kitty and ron would take my brothers and myself to church when we were allowed, i'm sure that made things hard, but it got us out of there for part of a day, and they never acted like it was anything but a joy to do that. kitty gave me a book about menstruation when i was 10, and had no idea what was wrong with me, my mother must have talked to her about it, but she never talked to me, i find that odd. kitty and ron had a reception for brooks and i after our wedding, at their house. when ron found out that another aunt was going to make a sheet cake for it (because i had no money), he gave my aunt kitty a hundred dollars, to go buy a real wedding cake. it blew my mind.
    my great aunt avis, i only got to see her when the weather was dry, she lived in the country, but she was so gentle and kind, and i would clean her house and do dishes and stuff, and she was so thankful, my brother would split firewood for her, and she was so appreciative--she always told him how strong he was, but he was a puny little thing then.
    my teachers , well most of them treated me well, a couple i can think of weren't bad, but just weren't interested in me.
    i have friends, mostly far away, that have always treated me well, i have a good friend here, well 2, i guess and they treat me well. the other ladies i work with don't treat me badly by any means, we just don't have much interaction with the different age students.
    my husband has always treated me well, we've had an occasional spat, of course, but he has never been anything but wonderful.
    my children treat me well, they love me, and they are so precious. we've had our spats, too, esp. those teen yrs., but they always knew i loved them unconditionally, and were really good kids by todays standards.
    my mother treats me well, now, or she wants to--she sends me all kinds of stuff, tried to give me money for staying with her after her surgery, etc.
    my brothers have always treated me well, gregg and i argued some when we were teens, but not terribly. doug was my real baby doll. he was born when i was 10, and i loved him like mad, took care of him a lot.

    who treated me badly--my mother til last year, physically, yes, but the things she said hurt far worse, now she wants to be close. i didnt' realize it then, but probably a lot of her problems with me were because she was abused by my daddy.
    my daddy treated everyone badly, in our family that is. other people seemed to think he was sweet because he was so quiet out. not at home, temper tantrums that would put a 2 yr. old to shame, cursing, throwing things, pointing guns at my brother and i, hurting my mother, mostly pushing, or hitting her with things he threw, he was awful to her other ways too, calling her every name in the book, not letting her see her family unless we went when he was gone. none of us were allowed to ever have friends come to our house. when i was there summer before last, he set booby traps all over the house because he didn't want me there, and it was some kind of threat--putting all the knives in the sink with the dishes to be washed, placed around to stick straight up. setting stools and buckets and stuff just outside the kitchen door where there was a step down to the porch, i think trying to trip me, turning the hot water temp on the tank all the way up every stinking day, i don't know how many times i scalded myself, and when i mentioned it to him, he tried to tell my that my mother was doing it. she couldn't even make it up and down the stairs by herself, and it was in the basement.
    my dad's mother, if we went over there, she had a swingset and toys that our cousins played with, but we weren't allowed to touch them. she always made us sit on the porch or at the table in the kitchen, while daddy was there fixing something usually. she told him once when he came in to get us that gregg and i were playing around and broke a dish, when in fact, we hadn't been out of our chairs, and didn't even see a dish. he was reallly mad, and didn't believe us at all, of course.
    my grandad, who i thought really loved me, there were a lot of good things he did, but now i realize it was just to keep me close to him, so he could do things he shouldn't. that is still really more painful than i thought.
    ok, now help me understand what you mean. does this help?
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Yep, it does actually. Those around you now treat you well, those in your past where not so well, being the majority of the time with whom you spent it, being your parents and grandparents.

    Now Cathy, I already know about the past, but have a look at that great list of people you just wrote about from past and present who are all good to you. Interesting point ha?
     
  11. cookie

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    anthony, i know that a lot of people have been good to me, i have been blessed with many loving people in my life, so i don't get the denial part??
    even my parents fed, clothed, and housed me. and though i was upset a lot that my mother hated me so, i didn't realize til i was prob. ll or 12 that our house was not normal. i don't feel victimized all the time, flashbacks do make me feel that way, and some of them leave me very frightened, and i know that's unreasonable, but it's just how it is.
     
  12. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Cathy, denial comes in so many forms. Let me use examples:

    # You forgive someone, or you believe you have forgiven someone, but deep down you know you don't have a trust for them. (Denial about forgiveness)

    # Your mother beats you as a child, as an adult you forgive her, believing that all is now well and you are at peace with her. But in actual fact you don't like being around her much, you can't cope with her company, you cannot trust her. (Denial of forgiveness)

    I can poke examples all day long in general reference. We often believe one thing, but deep down we have trust issues, and other insecurities with people, hence we haven't really forgiven anyone, because if we did forgive, then we would not have the untalked, unsolved burning emotions beneath.
     
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    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road?redish brown
    Q2. What texture is the road?clay, slippery from the rain, very even, like it's just been scraped. maybe that's why there are no gravels on it.
    Q3. How solid is the road?solid, slippery on the surface, but the roadbed under it has to be pretty solid.

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.



    Q4. How do you cross the river?an old hanging bridge, looks unsafe, but it seems sturdy when i give it a good tug, the rope looks kind of frayed, but it seems ok. it is slow going, i am afraid, and i just kind of scoot my feet along.for some reason?, i am barefooted, and the rope hurts my feet because it is so rough.
    Q5. What does the water look like?the water is choppy, whitecaps. doesn't seem clear, but not murky, either. maybe still green, not sure.
    Q6. How fast is the water current?fast, like rapids, but it is very shallow.
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?there are a few large, boulder type of rocks, but they are rounded, you can see the sharp ends of smaller rocks sticking up out of the water here and there. after i get across, i stand there, looking at the water for a while.

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house?white, peeling paint, only 1 story.
    Q9. What condition is the house in?poor condition, abandoned. weeds grown up around the yard, and the fence is all tangled with weeds.
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?no. empty. sadness still here. i am curious about the people that lived here.


    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup?yellow, faded by the sun, almost to white, but you can still see the yellow on the inside.
    Q12. What condition is the cup in?faded, dirty scratched up. it is plastic, not glass.like tupperware.
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what?no

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?it is an old, rusty car, looks like it was pulled across the gap where a gate should be. wire fence on both sides of it. old model car, very old, looks like it had green and white paint at one time, mostly rust now, some places missing larges areas, to the rust, i guess. there are no tires on the car, and the metal part of the wheels are sunken into the ground some. brush underneath and around it. windows are cracked and broken, stuff from the inside roof hanging down, all yucky.

    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?a forest, trees and brush, it looks like there might be a path, but it is grown over. i don't want to go through it, i am still barefooted, and the clay is all stuck to me already, still raining, drizzley-like. i just am disappointed, can't get around the car. don't want to. sit down in the road, tired. look to see if there is another road or path back there, but there's not, overwhelming disappointment. don't know what to do, turn around, stay there, just sitting in the rain. stuck.

    // End The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //
     
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