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Cheating

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Songbird

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Long story short, my husband and I have had a complicated relationship. I have PTSD. There are many times when I've shut down and tried to leave him during my episodes. Eventually it pushed him away, and he became resentful. The last month or so it became really obvious and our relationship was strained. He went away last week for a few days but when he came back, he became a lot closer to me. Things were looking up and then I find out he cheated while away. I left the house and then called him telling him to leave but all that wound up happening is I had to come back and we have both been a crying mess since. He says he wanted to go all the way with the person because he was so angry at me for all the mean things I've said & done, but it wouldn't happen for him. So now we're both here humbled and broken. We know that we love each other and want to be together but we don't know if it'll work now. If anyone has been in a similar situation and worked past it, can you offer any advice? Thx.
 
... wow. How are you supposed to get over this? His cheating is going to birth a lot of paranoia and suspicion... anytime he does anything you will now have a harsh emotional and mental response... this won't be over for a long time :(
 
Before this happened, he didn't want to go. I can ask again but we are both kind of reeling over everything so neither one is trying to force anything.
 
I cheated on my long term partner 3 years ago. We managed to get through it and we're still together.

I needed to take responsibility for my actions. I new there were obviously reasons for my infidelity but I could have found a different way to do things. I was having a hard time in therapy and my old coping mechanism was to be promiscuous which when I was single wasn't really an issue for anyone but myself. I still did what I did I am still the one to blame in this scenario. Excuses don't help. I had to own up to my mistake and take responsibility for it.

I love my partner and he loves me. I made a mistake and we managed to get through it. He has managed to put it behind us and I will forever be grateful for his forgiveness and love.
 
I cheated on my long term partner 3 years ago. We managed to get through it and we're still to...
I'm happy that you both were able to move past it and maintain a strong relationship. I can say that in every relationship I've ever had before my husband, I've cheated..because it's how I dealt with.feelings. I couldn't bare to be vulnerable. So in that way, I understand how someone can fall into that, and I feel that's what happened to my husband. He was telling me for a long time how I was hurting him, and though I tried hard to control my ptsd episodes, I still lost control. So now we're in this boat. We've both hurt each other deeply, and if I show it, it'll trigger him or if he shows it, it'll trigger me. He's expected to do whatever it takes to win my trust back, but then what about his feelings that he's been dealing with for years up until now? Doesn't he deserve the same? This is the part where we're lost.

So sorry your relationship is so strained right now. I would say communication and therapy.

Hugs to y...
Thanks. We are communicating a lot right now, but we are just so wiped out and don't want to force anything. We are just seeing how things go. I dont know if that's a bad thing, but it seems all we can do right now.
 
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Doesn't he deserve the same? This is the part where we're lost

Yep. He does deserve the same. :)

So now that you two are being super honest with each other;

- What are the things that you have been doing that he doesn't want to be living with?
- Which of those are things you're willing to change?* (Even if you don't know how)
- What are the steps to take to start changing them?

* Is your list of what you're willing to do & his list of his own needs/wants compatible or compromisable?
 
If he's willing to try therapy, there is a chance.

If not, I'd say you two are dead in the water.

Cuz I look at it this way.....Sorry if this sounds crass, but he was willing to TRY sticking his dick in another chick....if he can't even TRY counseling, THIS SPEAKS VOLUMES!
 
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