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Christmas Time Emotions..it Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

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IamFree

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Wow its been a very painful day..Been working a lot on emotional healing this year..meaning I do not supress repress or run away anymore from feelings...was anticipating Christmas was going to be an interesting time..I always had lots of measures in place to not deal with my feelings at Christmas...it was all seeming quite easy at first then bham...I have been having these overwhelming feelings of feeling really unloved and hated all day...just feeling like I am not loved and unlovable....then the memorys of many a lonely Christmas came flooding in...sitting in the lounge on Christmas morning opening my presents all alone...at least I got some presents as a child...when I look back on my teenage years and adult hood I cant remember many years were I think wow..remember the present I got that year from such and such...I remember my oldest sister generally never gave me presents..although I would usually get her one...I try and think oh its only material stuff..but part of me just thinks it represents a great lack of love.
 
That sounds tough dude, Christmas really does bring up loads of emotions. Until a week ago I was panicking about Christmas and how its the first one after disowning my parents. I started to think of this Christmas, not as the nastey Christmases of old, but instead looking at how to create new traditions with some of the people I love. As your name suggests, your free and you can make this Christmas what ever you want.
 
absolutely and I really have been feeling ok about it this year ...ironically by embracing what i have been running away from has made it better these emotions is just like vommiting it feels rotten at first but once its all up and out it feels better and makes more space.
 
Your so right, getting the emotion out helps so much. If your creating space then you can fill this space with nice things, instead of the negative - the world is our oyster and we can do anything we want! There is a kids book my therapist gave me, its called heart in a bottle - could be worth a look, its a five minute read that quite in lightning. Hope you feel better soon
 
Every year I get anxious and emotions fester as Christmas approaches
It's seeing family, the expectations, the memories,the unhealed parts of me are in my face and it's uncomfortable
I feel like I don't fit into any family
Then I tell myself it's 2 visits
Only 2 visits , so my self talk begins to coach me to get thru those 2 days I start a week ahead of time
Practise everyday
And know I have built up some resources when the day of visiting comes
It's hard work this ptsd
All the best
 
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