Wow its been a very painful day..Been working a lot on emotional healing this year..meaning I do not supress repress or run away anymore from feelings...was anticipating Christmas was going to be an interesting time..I always had lots of measures in place to not deal with my feelings at Christmas...it was all seeming quite easy at first then bham...I have been having these overwhelming feelings of feeling really unloved and hated all day...just feeling like I am not loved and unlovable....then the memorys of many a lonely Christmas came flooding in...sitting in the lounge on Christmas morning opening my presents all alone...at least I got some presents as a child...when I look back on my teenage years and adult hood I cant remember many years were I think wow..remember the present I got that year from such and such...I remember my oldest sister generally never gave me presents..although I would usually get her one...I try and think oh its only material stuff..but part of me just thinks it represents a great lack of love.