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Undiagnosed Classic fubar/cf case. i may be a bit 10-80, but i still 10-4 what you say ;)

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teneighty

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the namesake 10-80 is a US ten-code, i`m a trained radio op, but not in the US. (Germany, BOS-Sprechfunk)

I lost quite a few people to accidents and suicides.
I served as conscript 10 years in disaster relief. (rescue, disaster scouting/recon, onsite radio dispatch for large disasters, etc.)
I volunteered on "as needed" base for first aid organizations as driver/radio, i never walked by when people where in need of help. I still hate every time I lost someone.
I pulled the guy who`s best man I was at his wedding from a car accident and i have yet to see a worse one. (I dont want to talk further on that subject. thanks. he survived & recovered. I still pay the price in memories.)
In 2014 when my ex-gf broke up with the abusive father of her two kids, i stepped in and protected her and the kids. I became a target too. this ended in a "paranoid depressive outburst", which basically was living in a 10 day nightmare with zero sleep, bloodpressure and pulse above whats good, etc.
at that point pandora`s box broke open.
2016 i almost died due to lung infection aquired during holidays.
i have a tendency to still help people even though i might need a break. so please dont worry if i suddenly go silent, i usually need a break.

on the remedy side:
I no longer count failed rescues, i count the saved ones.
i got treatment in 2015 because i have other issues, too. (F84.x - "on the spectrum"), did pay counselling out of my pocket since 2014. burnt out the first counsellor with my stories.
stable, but still in the high region of the biweekly PTSD Coach App test. tracking mood with daylio and complaints with excel sheet to identify counter strategies. no tendencies to do stupid things or "self medicate".
social isolation may or may not be an issue related to either PTSD or F84.
not officially diagnosed since thats something the counsellor has to refer to a doctor.
and the last two doctors where not very helpful.


decided to move from lurker to active seeing a firefighters post about his nightmares.


one thing i want to ask of everyone in here (its not an easy request):
try to avoid suicide please.
it is a permafix for a bad temporary situation.
and it taxes a heavy levy on those train conductors, dispatchers, first responders and site cleanup people.
THANKS. <3
A lot of us will rather talk for hours then see one more "unwanted passenger" accident.

stay safe everyone. and dont forget to smile. it`s contagious.
 
one thing i want to ask of everyone in here (its not an easy request):
try to avoid suicide please.
it is a permafix for a bad temporary situation.
and it taxes a heavy levy on those train conductors, dispatchers, first responders and site cleanup people.
THANKS. <3
A lot of us will rather talk for hours then see one more "unwanted passenger" accident.


Welcome to the site!

I just wanted to touch on this a second and say thank you, and I agree. My 21 year old son is a conductor and just had to deal with his first suicide by train...the kid was 23....basically his age. The Engineer quit on the spot. My heart breaks for my son and everyone else in these situations.
 
Hi all and thanks for the welcome !

I just wanted to touch on this a second and say thank you, and I agree. My 21 year old son is a conductor and just had to deal with his first suicide by train...the kid was 23....basically his age. The Engineer quit on the spot. My heart breaks for my son and everyone else in these situations.

I know people in a train repair yard. they have to clean up the train and get it ready. they suffer the same, as do the on site first responders sometimes.
one conductor i spoke with hat 5 "blind passengers" before he broke down, came back and the first day back at work another one. he drove home, oversaw a read light and ran over a pedestrian. hurts to hear stories like that. seen so many ugly things over the years... i wish him strength. he might need it, or another job.
stuff like that is a reason we have many "euphemistic descriptives" which are hard to translate on radio.

but i understand the other side too. there are situations where your brain plays such evil mindgames, that it may be a split second gut decision from walking near tracks to jumping in front of a train. its the hormones inside the depressive (+whatever else) mind. I`ve been in that spiral too, but i managed to break out of it before doing stupid things. making a call, talking to people is very helpfull. those who jump - if your a first hand viewer, you`ll get angry sometimes - they can`t help. it`s the hormone mismatch that triggers that stuff and it is very fast and convincing.
dont be angry at them. they have lost control shortly before doing it. sadly.

another reason to kick one self in the behind and go to therapy. no one who`s been in it wants to be a "cleanup case" for his own colleagues.
 
We had a call of an engineer who thought he had hit a 5 year old child on the tracks. Luckily he didn't hit her, she got thrown but was uninjured. Dispatcher couldn't get him calmed down long enough to tell him she was ok. We sent out the trauma team to him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he quit on the spot also.

It's so hard not to be angry with the people who drag others into their suicide. I know they are past caring, but still. I'd love to see people who have been left behind and Emergency Serves folks brought into support groups for people with depression so they can see the damage they are going to cause because they don't think people care.
 
he namesake 10-80 is a US ten-code
Hi and welcome.
I am sorry I did not understand much of your post.
What is a ten-code and what does 10-80 and 10-4 mean. I understand it is radio code but what does it stand for?
What is a fubar ? And when you say 'cf case' do you mean Cystic Fibrosis? I don't know any other meaning fr the abbreviation for CF.

I am not meaning to be critical - after all I could never have posted in German! However I would like to reply sensibly and supportively but I am not understanding you.
Regards
Lucy
 
10 codes are how military and public service agencies communicate. It's like vocal shorthand.
Instead of saying ....
I'm fine thanks for checking you say 10-4
I'm available to talk to you now you say 10-8
and so on...

CF == cluster f*ck
SNAFU is an older one ---- Same As Normal All f*cked Up
NHI is a police one = No Humans Involved (when you are dealing with really stupid people)
 
Hi,
Welcome to the boards. I hope you find them helpful. I am German too, just in case you need someone to translate a word or whatever :)

I used to travel a lot by train and I remember the many times when the train was late because of Personenschaden. I always thought that this must be horrible for the driver and everybody else involved.
 
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sorry for the long lack of reply. stuff... had to deal with real life.

basically 10-80 according to ACPO standard is "... tower lights at this station burned out " aka something broken at the station, e.g. the radio. i was free to use it for "the operator".

CF is used as in Cluster F**k - a huge mess of a bad situation. I hang out too much with uniformed people still...

after I don't know how long - i finally am on a waiting list for a therapy... excuse me for not "yay"-ing and hollering. It`s about f***ing time...
 
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