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Combat pstd bf isolation behavior

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Thank you @Avob! And yes, isolation v break up - two different things that do appear the same on the surface...but verrrry different. Obviously there are cases in here where the sufferer has got a restraining order, and the supporter has simply not taken the hint. Not great. But these are rare.

This forum has been a great place for me to understand that sometimes it really wasn't about me. It has also stopped me doing and saying stupid things that would affect my sufferer. And they did actually come out of isolation, but I doubt they would have if I hadn't educated myself here. Each case is different, and only the supporters know what their relationship is like.
 
@Omer. Yes we are all here for support. However when a sufferer is telling you what they need and you continue with calls , texts and emails you're doing more harm than good. That will only push them further away.

Keep reading these forums. Yes every story is different but the support they need is the same. Time. Space. Understanding.

IMHO.
 
From reading everything,

My guy broke up with me, and then still comes around like we are together. But will shut down at the thought of us being bf/gf again - Yet he still comes over, sleeps over, talks to me all day long, loves on me, tells me he loves me etc. but then sometimes kinda backs off. yes we broke up, but is he still isolating with the want to be with me he just cant right now?

He tells me its not me, that he is not in a good place right now, that he has demons hes fighting and has to fight them alone - but still comes around me cause im his safe place and of course he loves me. Ive heard alot about the stress cup and me even being good for him can put him over the edge - i guess what im asking is, do i just continue to be there for him how i have been and let him eventually come back out from his shell and want to be with me be with me, again?
 
Orazo. That depends on what you want / need. And what you both agree is the way to proceed. Have you had a conversation about this with him?
 
I'm Elusi, and I'm not a sufferer. I'm a supporter and I've been one for years.

How can you tell if it's a break up or isolation? You cannot.

My vet isolates when stressed but in all the years we've been together he has never said that he wanted to break up or end things. He has never blocked me. He has never taken me off his social media. If he had done or ever does any of those things I would take him at his word that he was done with the relationship.

All you can do is respect the boundaries that they put in place. If he says no relationship, then no relationship. If he blocks you he doesn't want to talk. Sometimes people just are not healthy enough to be in a relationship even if they care about the other person.

If you go and read 10 of these "my boyfriend is isolating" threads, you'll be lucky to find 2 or maybe 3 where they've come back. That's reality.

Your concern has to switch to self care. What if he doesn't come back? What are YOU doing to take care of yourself? How long are you willing to hang around and wait? If he comes back do YOU want to rekindle the relationship if this is going to be normal behavior?

Concentrate on yourself now, because you can't help him. He has to do it on his own.
 
i just figured out how to keep my name the same without it always changing, sorry lol new to this bare with me.

My vet did break up with me, but also came back two days later. not necessarily as us being boyfriend/girlfriend again but basically the same conditions of it.

Same love, same affection to an extent, same all of it except for small changes. So it’s like yes, we broke up. but Yes he also came back, and yes now is isolating in a way? it’s confusing i know.

i posted my thread in one of the above comments, maybe that’ll help clarify some things.
 
OP, what you’re describing doesn’t sound much like isolation. Isolation is a byproduct of overload to some extent, so it usually means little contact so there is time to calm down. What your SO, if you can call him that right now, is doing sounds more wishy washy. Stay, go, leave me, love me, but don’t expect a thing of me. If he’s able to sleep over, love on you, and everything else you describe, it doesn’t sound like he needs to isolate to keep himself together. So that’s a point where you can safely try and take out PTSD and see if you’d be putting up with that without that component. Just because he has a potential “excuse” to be wishy washy with you, doesn’t make it right, respectful, promising or anything of that sort.

And yes, it’s always good to respect a sufferer’s boundaries. When they say stop, it means stop. But not being able to do that doesn’t mean a supporter has gone psychotic. It most often means the sufferer has done a bad job communicating in way that respects the supporter as well. If they were able to, I’m sure there’d be a lot less “my bf is isolating OMG what do I do” threads on here.
 
OP, what you’re describing doesn’t sound much like isolation. Isolation is a byproduct of overload to some extent, so...

Eh, well its a little more complicated than that. It is overload, and i think if you read my thread, there was definitely things leading up to his stress cup overflowing. He's the type of person to not be wishy washy - if he does not want to be with some one there is no if ands or butts - i would not exist to him. But hes not like that. I guess i understand our dynamic a little more than just to assume hes purposely being wishy washy.

He has ptsd, very badly. & he has told me he gets close to me, and then backs off to not feel vulnerable because its the only thing he can do to protect himself. He calls it his "black hole" - he doesnt know how to communicate so well, which leads me to be confused.

Idk, im trying to have hope and be optimistic
 
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