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Combat pstd bf isolation behavior

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ah, I didn’t mean to imply he’s being purposefully wishy washy. The push/pull dynamic is pretty common, and it’s part of the disorder to some extent, it’s just a bit different from isolation. I just think it’s good to clarify the terms, so it’s easier to know what’s “normal” and what isn’t so much.

It sounds like he’s truly torn and also cares a great deal for you. I’m in a very similar situation with my SO and it’s incredibly hard. Not only trying to figure out what it is they want or don’t want, reading between the lines, hoping and wondering. What’s somehow even harder is knowing your own boundaries and limits, and enforcing them despite their disorder. I’ve had about 2-3 make or break moments with my sufferer where I told him straight up what I can and can’t do, what I’ll put up with and what not. I was well aware he might respond by saying we’d have to break up if those were my limits, but he’s surprised me by stepping up.

Have you thought about what boundaries you have and how you can enforce them? Eg. no sleeping over without a clear commitment (just an example)?

It’s not so much about changing his behavior or coaxing him into things we want. It’s more about respecting ourselves and not sliding down the slippery slope of codependency and losing ourselves in the process.
 
ah, I didn’t mean to imply he’s being purposefully wishy washy. The push/pull dynamic is pretty common, and it’s pa...

I see what you mean, its just very difficult overall. I guess i think more along the lines of the fact that if i tell him no sleeping over without commitment, that he will just push away more? Its so difficult.

I've never seen him have such a strong disconnect with himself, its all cause hes new to being a civilian. I just dont know how to help.
 
That's the thing @Orazo. We can't help. We can support. It's up to them to get the "help" they need. Therapist. Psychologist. Priest. Meds. Etc.

What you said about not wanting to address his sleeping over because you think it will push him away.... That's his loss. That type of thinking will get your heart broken. I can't believe you would put your feelings, emotions, wants and needs on the back burner so he doesn't feel pushed away.

Please take some time to decide what you need. It's okay to say you need more. Some people aren't healthy enough to be in a relationship. They have to do the hard work towards recovery. Not easy. And many people avoid it for years and even decades.

I'm not replying with the intent to hurt your feelings I just want you to realize how difficult a relationship with a mental disorder is. It's extremely hard even when the sufferer is in therapy and making all the right choices.

IME untreated PTSD is next to impossible to "support".
 
Yes that makes sense. You fear he’ll cut all ties if you set limits or make demands. We’re not here to tell you what that means or what you should do with that knowledge. But it’s good to be honest with yourself about the situation, just so you can make adequate choices for yourself. So, right now you’re involved in a relationship in which you have no say or agency in terms of how, when, or if you interact with him. What DO you have a say in, and what DO you have power over at the moment?
 
My SO and I have a pretty good setup by now. When he isolates i ask him to send me a message a day, about 1 thing he is grateful for that day. That way I know he’s alive, it’s got nothing to do with me AND he’s forced
Love this arrangement!
 
My former bf isn’t a former combat vet, however, I’m dealing with his isolation right now. It’s been since November and it’s really starting to get to me. This is the longest he’s isolated since we started dating. In the past it’s been maybe a week at most. The most concerning part is not knowing if he’ll come back at all. Being a supporter is extremely scary and it’s like playing Russian Roulette; you don’t know if this time is it. I’ve learned that love, respect and even admiration can’t help a sufferer with dealing with their illness, however, by loving them you’ll be there through the thick ( ptsd episodes, anger, disrespect, self-destruction, manipulation, isolation and avoidance). It’s super hard and I’m still learning with hopes that we can at least rekindle a friendship AT LEAST. I’m now afraid of ptsd and I’m not sure of how I’ll manage through any type of relationships with it ( friends, partner, relative). I’m not saying that I’m turning my back, but I’m definitely proceeding with a lot of caution.
 
Those things are all stress. ^^^
Good stress is still stress.
PTSD stress cup.
 
Those things are all stress. ^^^
Good stress is still stress.
PTSD stress cup.
I know. I’m just having a horrible day and can’t get my head right. He’s been isolating and we live in a small town and ran into each other at the store last night. That turned into lashing out, name calling. All the fun stuff.
 
I could not tolerate someone verbally abusing me in public. PTSD or no.
 
I could not tolerate someone verbally abusing me in public. PTSD or no.
It was through text, but either way that’s where I draw the line. Is no one else besides him allowed to have feelings?
 
It was through text, but either way that’s where I draw the line. Is no one else besides him allowed to have feelings...
I know you’ve probably heard this a few times, but try not to take it personally. They’re gonna behave irrationally; nothing to do with you, or they could just be an a-hole...
 
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