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- #61
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Avob
ah, I didn’t mean to imply he’s being purposefully wishy washy. The push/pull dynamic is pretty common, and it’s part of the disorder to some extent, it’s just a bit different from isolation. I just think it’s good to clarify the terms, so it’s easier to know what’s “normal” and what isn’t so much.
It sounds like he’s truly torn and also cares a great deal for you. I’m in a very similar situation with my SO and it’s incredibly hard. Not only trying to figure out what it is they want or don’t want, reading between the lines, hoping and wondering. What’s somehow even harder is knowing your own boundaries and limits, and enforcing them despite their disorder. I’ve had about 2-3 make or break moments with my sufferer where I told him straight up what I can and can’t do, what I’ll put up with and what not. I was well aware he might respond by saying we’d have to break up if those were my limits, but he’s surprised me by stepping up.
Have you thought about what boundaries you have and how you can enforce them? Eg. no sleeping over without a clear commitment (just an example)?
It’s not so much about changing his behavior or coaxing him into things we want. It’s more about respecting ourselves and not sliding down the slippery slope of codependency and losing ourselves in the process.
It sounds like he’s truly torn and also cares a great deal for you. I’m in a very similar situation with my SO and it’s incredibly hard. Not only trying to figure out what it is they want or don’t want, reading between the lines, hoping and wondering. What’s somehow even harder is knowing your own boundaries and limits, and enforcing them despite their disorder. I’ve had about 2-3 make or break moments with my sufferer where I told him straight up what I can and can’t do, what I’ll put up with and what not. I was well aware he might respond by saying we’d have to break up if those were my limits, but he’s surprised me by stepping up.
Have you thought about what boundaries you have and how you can enforce them? Eg. no sleeping over without a clear commitment (just an example)?
It’s not so much about changing his behavior or coaxing him into things we want. It’s more about respecting ourselves and not sliding down the slippery slope of codependency and losing ourselves in the process.