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Combat PTSD And Therapy???

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KittyKat

New Here
Hello all,

I'm new here and have posted a couple of things but really haven't talked to anyone....
but I have a concern, and any vets with combat ptsd who have an opinion on this please let me know!

My close friend, I would say my best friend, and also the love of my life (though we are not a couple) is a former marine who has ptsd. He is VERY open about it and is all about some communication, which I know is so important and healthy. He has said for the past 5 months that he was going to go back into therapy.
Well, last night he told me that he has decided not to. He said he is very in touch with his feelings, and if he needs to talk to someone, he knows who to call. He won't take meds either. He has before and doesn't like how they make him feel.

How healthy is this???? He is VERY in touch with what he is feeling, but he has also had serious ups and downs. He went from wanting a relationship with me, to being unsure, to telling me recently he will never want to be with me. (ouch and ouch some more).
But he still talks to me for hours on the phone. He keeps his distance physically though. Which is hard for me.

Anyway- if he doesn't go to therapy will he get worse?? Or can he really be that in touch with what he is feeling?? I know he reads all books on ptsd and therapy.
I'm worried about him.:dontknow:

Kittykat
 
Hi... he sounds like he is doing quite well from what you are saying, and yes, everything he is doing sounds perfectly healthy. Actually, I would say he is taking a very positive attitude and really working hard upon himself.

Sorry, but here is what I get from you. It sounds to me as though you are hurting more than he is as he is rejecting you from a relationship! Is this really about him, or you?
 
Thanks for your reply Anthony.
Well, my concern is for him, of course.
There is a lot more to this story than just summed up in this paragraph. There is a history between us. So I suppose I can understand why you may pose this question.

There is a lot of confusion on my end too, of course. For someone who says he doesn't want a relationship with me, I have a difficult time understanding why he wants to talk to me for hours.....or why when I don't respond to him immediately he will call until I do. So yes, as a woman, this is a little confusing.
I have read as much as I can about ptsd, so as to try an understand not to take things personally.

I'm glad you think his approach his healthy. It was a concern after all I have read and it seemed the general consensus was that without therapy, it gets worse.
 
I also just have to point out, that yes, I am hurting, though I doubt more than he is.

He has shared with me MANY of the things he see's in his mind, from Iraq. So really, there is no comparison between my hurt and his. He IS hurting very much. But he does seem to have good moments too.
 
Actually, the more I review your response, it is extremely presumptious....and hurtful.

I am not a selfish person, I have a heart, and I care for this man who I have known for 14 years.

After your response, i'm not sure if this is the right forum for me. I don't know how educated that response is. I have friends, marines with ptsd, who I couldn't help but turn to after this and find out their opinions.....they said anyone who knows a thing about combat ptsd doesn't say something like that.
He IS working hard on himself, but no matter how hard, what he deals with will NOT go away. You don't just flush the thought of having killed people or having to pick your friends bodies up of the ground and bury it in some book!!
So, no this is NOT all about me. Truly offensive.
 
KittyKat,
I am a sufferer and I see things differently.

I think that your marine is very much suffering right now.

Medications oftentimes take a long time to get right. There are so many out there, and many of them make us feel down right horrible. I can't blame him for not wanting to take anything.

And as for not wanting to go to therapy, I've been there. Just a few weeks ago I was kicking and screaming, not wanting to go. Fortunately I have family and friends who told me to get my arse to therapy so that I can be happy again. I have my first appointment with a new trauma therapist next week.

So perhaps your marine is in denial...just as I was in denial...sometimes it is easier to just want to run away from your problems rather than face them. I mean who wants to try medication after medication, never knowing if one is really going to work, having to deal with all kinds of horrible side effects? And therapy is tough work! Nobody wants to deal with the trauma...we just want to forget.

As for the relationship aspect, I can relate. I am not in a romantic relationship right now, but I put my best friend through hell. And he does not deserve it in the least. At least once a week I push him away in some fashion or pull away...I know its very hurtful, and I'm highly unstable right now....I try not to do it, but it seems like I've pushed him away yet again even before I realize it...fortunately he knows what I'm going through and he's very forgiving. So yes, the push/pull relationship thing is characteristic of PTSD sufferers...unfortunately. We don't do it on purpose...or to hurt you...I know I just get freaked out when people get too close.

Sometimes us sufferers need a kick in the arse...we need to be told what is best for us...we need those who love us to watch out for us and guide us. I know that others may disagree with me, but if it weren't for my friends and family pushing me to get better, I know I would just be stuck in a rut. I need people pushing me...what I don't need is people walking on eggshells around me or going along with whatever I say.
 
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