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Combat Stress and Showing Affection

Discussion in 'General' started by Scott_Fraser, Jan 25, 2007.

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  1. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

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    Hi friends, I hope you can all give me advice.
    Since I've been diagnosed with Combat Stress, my affections towards my wife have gone, don't get me wrong I love my wife Kim, to bits and my two boys as well. But there is a problem.
    Whenever any of my sons are crying and need a hug, I freeze, I don't know what to do. I also find it hard to give my wife a hug. Things are getting easier for me and I'm slowly begining to show affection.
    I don't know if it stems from when I was a child I was sexually abused and verbally abused by my Step-father and my mother. I was never shown affection as a child, so I don't know how to give affection. Does all this sound crazy to you all, or is it just me. Also with the combat stress added on to my problems I just feel like an uncaring B"£"%$$£%d.
    I'm slowly coming round, I'm able to give my wife a hug and the same to my 2 kids, but it feels strange. I've spoken to the people at combat stress re-hab about it and they say that this will improve as my head gets sorted out, whenever that will be?
    I am trying to give my wife affection, but because of my medication (Sertraline), I can't rise to the occasion if you get my drift, for as before I used to have sex with my wife on a farely regular basis. But not now. I've seen an expert on this matter and he said that it is my medication that is the cause, but once I start to relax more things will slowly come back again as the upping of my anti-depressants will help my moods.
    Is this problem of showing affection common in combat stress cases.
    Thanks for listening to me.
    Scott:crazy-blu
     
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Scott, try scheduling hugs and cuddle time. I've had PTSD my entire life, and yep lack of affection has it's moments. I can be very affectionate, but it's on my terms. I hate it when people decide to touch or hug me.. I just cringe and feel like puking when they do. So, I scheduled hug time with my kids. They both get a hug and a kiss everyday when they leave for school and everynight before bed. we also say 'I love you' during these periods. Then I also have couch cuddles, where we pop a movie in, pile on the blankets and cram on the couch.. we giggle and cuddle and tickle and have some good ole fun. But it has to be scheduled for me to handle it. Otherwise I freak. I make sure my kids get lots of my love, I just work around my issues from the PTSD. The rountine makes it easy for me to touch and hug and love them. Of course, boo boo moments get hugs too, LOL.

    You can give this a try even with your wife.. just don't schedule.. ahem.. those moments.. as they won't work.. too much pressure on yourself. Schedule couch cuddle time or bath cuddle time, or even in bed and talk and cuddle.. try it.. it works rather good..until you heal that is!

    Bec
     
  4. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Beca, for your advice, much appreciated.
    Scott
    :smile:
     
  5. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    No problem, just remember to adapt it to what works for you.. you might have to work your way up to once a day or you might be able to do that right off the bat.. it all depends on you and what your comfort zone is..

    Also, if your children are crying and you can't hug them.. you can still comfort them. Put them on the couch and wrap a warm and soft blanket around them, put a cold cloth on any boo boos (be very gentle), offer to make them a special cup of cocoa or tea, offer to watch a fav. tv. program.. that works wonders when you just can't bear the hug.. it's one of my fav back-up plans.. it takes longer than a hug and kids love the dotting on attention..

    bec
     
  6. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

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    Hi Beca, thanks again.
    I am getting better at hugging my kids, its taken its time, but I'm getting better.
    Thanks Becs
    Scott:thumbs-up
     
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