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Coming Out Of Dissociation, Depersonaliation And Derealisation.

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ms spock

MyPTSD Pro
I realise that I am gradually coming out of dissociation, depersonalisation and derealisation and this is going to be odd, weird and a bit strange for awhile.

It confounds me some days it does!

It feels like I am being severely jolted around or receive a mild electric shock as I drop back in to my life at times. Sometimes it is a shock! I was not there and then I am suddenly there!

Very weird process. Very uncomfortable.

Has anyone else found this happening to them when they are working on their major avoidance, dissociation, derealisation and depersonalisation practices? How was it for you?

Did you jolt back into your self? I find it challenging and hard to deal with.

Sometimes it is very disconcerting.
 
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I go the other way more often... Drop kicked down the rabbit hole.

The quirkiest one lately, has been everyone being caricatures of themselves. Overly bright, cartoonish, can't see the person themselves for the character my brain is portraying them as; construction worker, jogging-mom, rebel-students/ bookish-student/ lover-student, militant vegetarian, grumpy-cop/ helpful-cop/ new-cop/ under-cover-cop, the lovers, the fighters, the addicts, the churchy, the... Thousands of people flash by on the streets as I drive by them with my brain categorizing them into some 2D occupation or personality type... The landmarks, ditto. Giant traffic lights, flashing signs, wet pavement. Everything overblown. Eye crossing headaches, that.

I've spent rather too much time lately in parking garages, triggering myself on purpose to bring the focus inward, just to tone the scanning & cat. down to tolerable levels. Or just flat out refusing to look at people, because I don't want to see them. Whether their caricature, or worse, their intense 3D rep. Too much information.

I'm out in the desert at present. Been helping my sister find a place to rent near her school. The scanning & cat actually being useful, it doesn't get overwhelming, but I like it out here in the hills better. It's quiet.
 
Mine hasn't been a jolt so far, but being actually present and aware that I'm present used to be so rare that I was very surprised when it did. It is hard to maintain and I lose track of it without really noticing, esp. if I start needing to deal with anything, focus on external things...
 
I am like a totally new person in so many ways now. It is amazing to be here in this now and actually deal with things as they actually happen. I can't believe it. I could never imagine what it was like to learn to emotionally regulate as a child and adolescent and have a life. I am just about to find out/I am finding out now. So totally different way to experience - to be in the picture, and not disembodied watching yourself from overhead.
 
Hi
I dissociate when it gets too overwhelming. I am supposed to be noticing my emotions and staying with them. Sometimes this is too hard energy seems to course through my body and so ..... do you know what I do dissociate . So at the moment I find it very uncomfortable. I will keep working on it though and hopefully it will get easier.
 
@Ms Spock, I've had similar experiences of coming back in. For me, it feels less like a shock, but does leave me feeling nauseous. It's only been recently that I've been able to notice enough to recognize when I'm dissociating. Sometimes now, I even notice when the feeling starts to shift. Usually, I come back slowly, but I've had the sudden back in feeling a few times.
 
Thanks for your response Biz.

I am noticing more when I dissociate @Biz. I am also noticing when I feel/find my self not feeling real. I am also noticing when I find/feel/experience that the world is not real either.

It is really hard to get moving when I go back to the default freeze/fawn response. That is where I am struggling a great deal.
 
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