amosmorris
Confident
I've been going to therapy now for just over two years and I've been slowly pulling back all the layers of my experiences growing up. It's all very hard, as I know so many here are well aware. I just hit what seems to be the toughest yet, which is coming to terms with the fact that there were things my mother did in the name of "care taking" and "mothering" that were actually real violations. I can barely feel anything, though it's all starting to play like a movie in my mind. Last week I suggested to my T that maybe she could tell me that these stories (that I haven't told until now, though we've been working together for two years) are just small stuff, petty, me being maybe over sensitive…and that if she could tell me that, I'd drop it all and we'd never talk about this piece of my experience again. And her response was "If I could take this away from you I would do it in a second. But I can't do that."
And so here I am. I am in a pretty dark place--there's a lot of just fear and anxiety right now, and I am having to push myself to do some of the bare minimums of my responsibilities (work, kids…)…I am pushing myself as hard as I can to not fall to pieces. But I am feeling pretty weak and I'm finding myself isolating--even from my partner, though he knows the latest. I'm caught between many conflicting feelings. So I guess what I'm asking for is a some kind of "been there/it'll get better" encouragement…some sense of what I can think about to keep pushing myself forward…? I feel like I'm in some quicksand. Thanks in advance.
And so here I am. I am in a pretty dark place--there's a lot of just fear and anxiety right now, and I am having to push myself to do some of the bare minimums of my responsibilities (work, kids…)…I am pushing myself as hard as I can to not fall to pieces. But I am feeling pretty weak and I'm finding myself isolating--even from my partner, though he knows the latest. I'm caught between many conflicting feelings. So I guess what I'm asking for is a some kind of "been there/it'll get better" encouragement…some sense of what I can think about to keep pushing myself forward…? I feel like I'm in some quicksand. Thanks in advance.