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Complex Trauma From Childhood Bullying

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Battynatty2012, Jun 15, 2011.

  1. Battynatty2012

    Battynatty2012 New Member

    Hi everyone, I have C-ptsd from long term severe childhood bullying at school. It was diagnosed 6 months ago following a childhood wracked with severe anxiety then 2 decades of severe depression, mood disturbance, and subsequent misdiagnosis and mismanagement of the issue.

    Only since I was treated for the trauma, and the diagnosis of bipolar removed, have I begun to figure out who I am and what I want in life. The trauma which was at its worst when I was a teenager, resulted in me skipping the psychosocial developmental stage in adolescence where you discover your identity. At 33 years of age, I am being weaned off the heavy mind numbing drugs typically used in psychotic patients and am learning how to function in the world as a 'normal person'.

    I feel cheated and angry at the circumstances that allowed the bullying to go on so long, and at the mental health system that continually failed to diagnose and treat the actual problem.

    I now have issues with sexuality and relationships, managing and understanding my emotions, socialising, and relating to people, and knowing who I am. Not knowing who I am makes meeting people difficult because they want to know what I like and dislike etc... in all aspects of life and to be honest, I am still figuring that out!
    Heather likes this.
  2. amethist

    amethist The Mystic Duck Staff Member Premium Member

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    I am sure there are others who have felt and maybe still feel as you do now among'st the members on this forum.

    Feeling cheated, angry, and totally let down by either the system or those who they thought would stand by them, through all you have described and possibly more. As well as trying to figure out where their real personality is and the one instilled by years of abuse of any kind.

    Reading through some of other members stories, may help you see, you are not alone with any of this.

    Functioning as a "normal" person can become a reality, but it will take time and hard work.

    Keep going now, it does get easier in time, with help, support and advice from others who have been where you are now and moved onto a better part of their lives.

    Good luck and take care.

    Amethist
    a3a2 likes this.
  3. Ayesha

    Ayesha Beautiful Disaster Staff Member Premium Member

    Hello and welcome to the forum. :)

    You are not alone in this. I was bullied in school to, and put on medication that kept me from functioning normally. I also have sever ADHD, so I have a really hard time getting social norms, judging people's reaction or how they may react to what I say.

    Take care and welcome again.
  4. Heather

    Heather VIP Member Premium Member

    Welcome - I can relate to just about everything you say.
  5. MissAntiSunshine

    MissAntiSunshine Shake her, wake her up--I try

    Welcome to the forum, Batty. If I could put up a Missing Child poster of myself, I would. "IF YOU SEE ME: please call. I don't know where she is." :cry:

    You are not alone. Welcome.
    a3a2 likes this.
  6. a3a2

    a3a2 VIP Member

    I was always so jealous of people who had hobbies....I could never think of anything I enjoyed doing. After a bit of time in therapy, I was able to learn enough about myself to find there are some things I REALLY LOVE to do! SO now we have two fish tanks, a turtle tank, a lizard tank, a hamster and a kayak besides the two cats we previously had. I have my own zoo.

    Batty, allow yourself a little bit of a real childhood each day. Explore and find out what you love. Indulge yourself. And we, on the forum will be cheering you on.
  7. Battynatty2012

    Battynatty2012 New Member

    Awe thanks so much for all your support, it IS good to know others are going through the same thing. Its embarrassing when you dont know who you are at 33! I dont even really know what my favourite colour is! Someone asked me that today and the 2 colours I saw first is what I told them were my fave, makes me feel weird!

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