I've been reading alot on this forum, the internet generally & some books about PTSD. Since coming on this forum I really smashed through the denial I reckon I had when I first came on here. I also take ownership for the fact I have a mental illness and only I can help myself. No one is coming to rescue me, except for me. Admittedly I'm disappointed in this but it's the reality and I need to accept it. I thank each & everyone of you for that.:claps: However, and I'm not starting an argument, but I'm unsure as to whether I'm interpreting this correctly or whether it's different for every individual case. I see Anthony & others talk tough & about having no sympathy & the importance of talking about every detail of your trauma. My therapist, talks about treading carefully with me because of 'retraumatisation'. Is it true I need to be weary of this or should I just go tearing in? Sometimes when I really push myself in a session I come away much much worse & my symptoms sky rocket. Yet if I tread carefully I slowly but surely make some progress. The other thing is about not having sympathy. The problem for me is that I've absolutely avoided all sympathy at all costs. Now, whilst I don't want pity, I appreciate the empathy, support, care & compassion from my therapist. Don't get me wrong she's no softie, and makes no apologies for being tough. If I fail to do homework or something she has the best death glare I've ever seen. Yet she remains compassionate & sympathetic. If she wasn't I can't imagine continuing IMHO. Next thing is - being tough. My therapist has made me realise how incredibly tough I've been on myself when it comes to feeling depressed or angry. If I feel sadness or anger I really beat myself up, tell myself to snap out of it, consider myself a victim, an attention seeker and it's just not good enough. This has only made me feel worse yet I find it so difficult to not beat myself up for this. It's a habit that existed before any trauma. I grew up with a loving but strict father who considered signs of emotion a weakness, and you need to toughen up. It doesn't matter what anyone says to me, it wouldn't beat the inner critic I have going on here. My therapist wants me to get more in touch with my feelings and to admit that what happened to me did hurt me. It made me feel awhole bunch of emotions; sadness, fear, powerlessness, rage etc. Isn't feeling my emotions and saying my trauma caused x emotion, feeling sorry for myself.?:dont-know Finally, my therapist has indicated that I do not need to go through every second of every minute of every trauma. The choice is mine. I chose not to, and I feel better for it. However, I do have to learn to acknowledge what happened to me, it's full effect, apportioning blame (what's mine e.g. disrespecting myself, dwelling, self destructive behaviours, repression & whats not mine), and the feelings & emotions it caused and feel them all out not deny they aren't there. I personally feel like I'm on finally on the right track. I'm taking ownership, I'm learning not to berate myself, to feel the feelings but not dwell on them, let my therapist & husband in and not be ashamed of appreciating the compassion & support they offer, reduce anxiety & stressors and next step acknowledge the traumas & the effect it had. Yet, I read on this forum and think have I got this all wrong? Is the same for everyone or not relevant to me? Am I kidding myself?