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Confused About Therapy

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violet1234

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Hi, I just joined here. About 6 months ago I went to a therapist for first time ever, and was just about scared shitless and ran away as quick as I could. About 2 months went by where the reasons I initially wanted to pursue therapy became worse, and so I went back. I have since been in therapy for about 4 months and am extremely confused on what I have been experiencing.

Some background on why I'm in therapy....I was in a bad situation for about 10 years of my life. It became so that physical abuse was an accepted part of my day. I hid this from a lot of people including my family. It's as if recently I just took my first breath out of the situation and all of the stuff that happened those years is running through my mind. I'm about to graduate school, and so rationally I understand that big changes are bound to exaggerate any underlying issue I have.

The thing is that in therapy I completely suck at it..... Sometimes I don't talk for a good 20 minutes. When we do talk its usually about the lack of talking! I like my therapist and think she has her wits about her, I just don't know if I am wasting my and/or her time. I have been having terrible nightmares and just recently I told her about it via email. She said that she will "hold on to your info and insights for our next session." What do you guys think about that? Thanks for any response
 
Violet, first of all... her holding onto it for discussion in your next session is about standard. Most therapists don't get into therapy with clients outside of sessions, other than an absolutely emergency.

Next... I'm not sure if your therapist is really the best fit for you. They should be pushing you, and you should also be pushing yourself. If you aren't talking, then your therapist should simply be sending you away, because you're wasting your time and theirs. You need to be actively participating and they need to be pushing you to help yourself.

Maybe you need to take the first step and step-up into your own therapy. If you can't do that, then you probably need to find someone that is going to push you.
 
Hi Anthony, thanks for your reply. I just never thought it would be so hard to talk about this stuff. And I honestly think that I need to. I plan to when I go there, but shut down pretty much instantly. Is that normal? I feel like I have no reference to tell from. Sighhhhhhh. Ok so stepping up in therapy would involve talking about the nightmares and stuff?
 
On a different tangent than Anthony, it took me a while to be able to discuss certain things with my therapist. While I could chat about superficial things, the deeper more intense issues have taken me a while. I am tremendously thankful my T has been patient. I have started turning the corner and have been able to more openly discuss the hard stuff. So much of it was trust, guilt, and shame but had my T pushed me beyond my ability to open up, I would have quit.

However, I think that so much of what Anthony says is correct and I think you should be there for the right reasons. My feeling was I had to dip my foot into the water and test the temperature before I could go for a swim. I still sometimes dangle my feet in the water and at times my T really pushes me but on some subjects, we just find a stopping point and agree to come back to that at a later date. I clam up and I will walk, not because I don't want help, but because sometimes it is difficult for me to trust anyone. Usually I am able to come back and discuss most things the next go around just because I have had time to let my rational mind walk me through the motions and push my irrational thoughts out the door!!!

I think this is a fine line and you should be mindful of what wasting time looks like vs pushing ahead in a manner that doesn't push you out the door!!! Good luck! Sorry you have to go through this!
 
Thank you :-) I think I'm going to try and be more open the next time I go. If it happens then maybe it's just going to be a long process, or maybe I need to find a new T. Rumors I understand what you are saying about trust issues. I have zero reason not to trust my T, but find myself doing so regardless. The other problem is I feel so weird when I go, lightheaded and when I leave I feel like I was in a dream when I was there. Not sure if this means impending insanity or something else.
 
No impending insanity ;) just impending anxiety. Lol.

I think it would be fair to spend a session on why you find it hard to talk. Is it trust? Shame? Guilt? Mine was a lot of reasons plus the fact I had just lived a certain way for so long I didn't know anything differently so I, in essence, had to relearn some behavior and had to learn new coping skills before I could move forward. You will get there but just keep being honest with yourself about what your goal is. Once again, I am thankful my T has been patient but I think everyone is programmed differently and I don't think the 'all or none' theory is always applicable. But, I would take Anthony's suggestions as very experienced wise thoughts and take them to heart. ;)
 
Lol, impending anxiety. True that!

I think I get what you are saying though. It's like I know what happened was wrong, but instinctively in my head I still think of it as an accepted way of living. Then when I think about bringing it up to T, then I'm like wait should I be complaining about this? Then I feel guilty for betraying a confidence I've held for a awhile and just figure being quiet is safer than opening up. I feel guilty then feel guilty for feeling guilty, then I'm like screw this ****! Lol I appreciate everyone's comments, helps me know that other people have been in similar situations.
 
Exactly! Don't forget the part where you say, "it must be my fault anyway" or "I am sure I did something to deserve that."

Best of luck! You can do this!
 
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