I'm really sorry but I don't know where to put this thread. But what I want to ask you It's related to sexuality. But let me be clear from beginning. I was not sexually abused. But still... I have complex ptsd, and also ACOA symptoms (domestic violence during childhood, alcoholic father, and so on). So it seems to me normal that one of my symptoms is problem with intimacy. When I had girlfriend many times I did not know how to relax when we had sex. These symptoms are common for people like me. But I was thinking. What if my problem has something in common with certain specific events. Or to be more precise - could that have somehow affected me ? When I think about that I feel pressure in the head and I want cry. During my life I shared with this only with two people and only twice, and that's all. So what hapenned. My father's alcoholism has worsened. At a later stage when I was still a child my parents didn't sleep together in the same room. My mother was afraid and was disgusted. So in the small flat (apartment ? whatever, it was cheap and small) she decided that I will sleep in the same room as she did. But my father used to ask for sex even when she did not want to. So during the late night they just had sex while I was there. Mother just struggeled it somehow silently. They thought I was asleep, but in fact, I was awake. It was sick, disgusting. I was so afraid to leave or even say something because he was the same person who has been threatened with killing us. Fortunately it was never so long. He did what he needed and went to his room. The second thing that happened was something what I call hostage situation. Sometimes, and no matter in which room we were, he simply decided to lock us in the room with him. Then, still drunk, he lamented how everything went wrong, then he cried, then he was angry, later he threatened us that he will kill us, throws us through the window (we lived on a higher floor) and so on, blah blah. But at some point sudenly he got a great idea that he want sex with mom. But fortunately in these situations they never had any. Maybe because of me, because I was awake, and because those situations were overall different then those when they had sex. In those situations I was the one who mostly persuaded him to let us go. It was basically negotiation. I manipulated him, I tried to be calm although my heart was beating like a horse in races, adrenaline in the blood was very high, I had to improvise often, in a second, it could rise in hell. You just never knew, we could be killed. Sometimes it happened during a deep night and mostly it took a long time (1 or 2 or 3 hours). Sometimes it was ended by the violent. As if there were not enough violence on other days. So I don't know. Do you think that these experiences could in some way affect my sexuality ?