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Countdown to admittance

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The 5th of feb, only 6 days to go! It can't come soon enough. I realize how much I've been holding on, white knuckling, particularly with parenting, all these years. How long I've needed what I'm finally going to be getting.

My brain hurts, my body is sooooooo tired, it's achey in places, but it's my emotional self that is really exhausted. Putting on a brave face too much and for too long, is hugely exhausting for this long.

I need to be cared for like I never have before.
I'm so deficient in being cared for, although my guy is great, he also requires plenty of caring himself, which I don't mind giving, at least it's reciprocal.

He has an Aquired Brain Injury from being nearly killed and bludgeoned to almost death and has been badly abused and escaped multiple murder attempts and endured terrible and long term physical and emotion abuse, so we are, basically, each other's carers.

He's pretty amazing, how together he is, but still pretty impaired in pretty significant ways.

We met when we had just about exceeded what is humanly possible to endure without utterly breaking from the lack of necessary emotional care.
I was more shattered than him, at the time, only because he had held on, for his children, exactly like me.

I was a drowning woman. He was a life guard. He was new in town. I had to leave town or face impending death. We kept in touch because we had sons who were close buds.
He helped me escape what was killing me, he saw me, and was the first person to recognise that what I had been enduring for so long, was unendurable. He was appalled for me, angry at how I was being treated, hurt for me. He actually cared!
I know this sounds dramatic, perhaps a bit histrionic. I wish i was exaggerating.
My ex tried to kill me very slowly and undetectably.Without a doubt he wanted me dead rather than be free of him. He was so angry I'd escaped and not died. And that I had a very tall, strong, staunch, caring protective friend. He was also frightened his crimes would be reported and he'd already served jail time long before I met him. One thing he doesn't want is to go back to prison.

This is the first time I get to be treated for Cptsd in a way that I can communicate just how severe my condition has been.
 
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I am so happy for you !!! I felt the same way going into drug rehab many years ago... I did not want to leave... not just the fear of using again, but to have so much saftey.. always someone to talk with, meals cooked, no dishes for this girl !!! And I learned so much.... it's the first break I had ever had..... and this is even bigger and better... you have endured a lot to get this super sized hand up and some much needed mental down time.... am really looking forward to hearing how things go for you... and @Sideways is pretty terrific isn't she... and if she recommended it... it's a great place !!

Sending lots of hugs and lots of prayers for the healing about to happen... what a beautiful new beginning you have given yourself... you are an inspiration to all of us !!!
 
I'm so excited for you!

My brain hurts, my body is sooooooo tired, it's achey in places, but it's my emotional self that is really exhausted. Putting on a brave face too much and for too long, is hugely exhausting for this long.

I was just telling my mom today that I had no idea how tired I was when I left work. It's been six months and I am still in pain, still exhausted, but still feeling so much better. Just to have quiet, time to work on what I need to heal, time to reflect and figure out what is really important has been amazing. I'm hoping you find the same thing while you are there!
 
I've been struggling with a neck injury.
Thanks to my dear myptsd friends here for all the support.:-)
Yes it's getting very close! Tomorrow.
Been spending time with my children and sweetheart.
Half packed.
Lots of pain radiating through half my head.
I guess it's a timely time for a bed in hospital.
My neck is affecting my brain functioning, strangely.
Leaves me with little to say.
Its getting better, a little slowly.
 
First night here.

Head's still very constantly painful.

It feels ok here.

I have a nice room.

I had dinner here, the food is good, buffet style and the trauma&dissociation patients, (TDU) have their own table.
I met a couple of others. One showed me around and kinda took me under her wing.

Lots of paperwork and an interview with the nurse on duty.

I'm tired.

But I'M HERE! :-)
 
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