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Countertransference

Discussion in 'General' started by Boo-Damphir, Aug 23, 2006.

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  1. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

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    I was going to therapy until about a year ago. I had been seeing my therapist every week for about 6 months. Although she was probably half my age we had a good initial rapport. She was trained in EMDR and I was interested in giving it a try.

    EMDR..... hated it (she was using the pulsing finger pads):angry-fla so she was trying to come up with some other methods. Meanwhile we were discussing the similarities between my assault in 2003 (I am an RN and was assaulted by a patiend at my hospital; I am now disabled/retired) and my history of childhood sexual assault.
    My therapist (bless her heart) was really trying to remain professional, but I noticed that with each session she would have this look of shock on her face and make comments like "Oh how horrible!" :eek:

    I began to feel like I needed to hold back on my discussions with her to protect her! (Yeah, I know... time to sever that unhealthy relationship!)
    As luck would have it, the following month my insurance company changed carriers and she was no longer covered under my plan.

    I see a Psychiatrist about every 3 months and he's old military like I am; a no B.S. kind of guy and I really trust him. He has mentioned to me that if I ever feel the need to get back into therapy that he will match me with a more seasoned therapist.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience?:dontknow:
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Boo, I know what your saying, and have only had the one counsellor that this was happening, though it was expected, as she was only new to counselling itself.

    My trauma counsellors had heard it all, from war, rape, violence, assaults, the lot. Nothing shocked them... Only one younger counsellor who I had during my PTSD course did I require to hold back from. Evelyn is a lovely girl, and she was with the course as part of her final year studies becoming a social worker. Each person was assigned / chose a counsellor from the staff.

    I chose evelyn because I though she needed to be taken easy into this, and I was already doing ok within myself by this time to not let too much go towards her. Some basic things I had told her about death, killing, burnt bodies, head exploding, etc etc, was enough from what I read on her face. I was always cognisant of what I told her, and even though she was the counsellor, I was watching her reactions to information I gave her, to ensure she didn't end up with my trauma in her head, being transferance.

    I could see that with some minor parts of incidents, her total shock and awe stood out and said, "go easy with me or I am going to be on a future course." She was still learning I guess at how to develop a teflon coating, so everything she gets told does slide off her, and not stick to her.

    I think you did the right thing honestly, because your therapist obviously was not ready to be capable to handle such knowledge. I knew when dealing with my trauma experts, when I told them something, there was no reaction, because they had heard it all... and nothing shocked them anymore. It was with these people I could unload everything I had without concern to them acquiring any of my trauma.
     
  4. piglet

    piglet Well-Known Member

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    I had a similar experience with my first counsellor. She was really nice - we got on well and she helped me get back on track, but she just looked so horrified when I only skirted the edges of things that I didn't dare go any further. It also had quite an impact on me, as I had never before contemplated that my experiences were out of the ordinary. I still don't truly feel that, but I guess that's my denial thing kicking in.
     
  5. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

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    Dear Piglet

    I'm not sure if what you were experiencing was denial, or just a conditioned reponse we develop to "protecting" others. I know for myself, when talking with friends or the general public, I shy away from certain topics or dance around them. I think it's because I don't want to make people uncomfortable or have people not want to be around me because I'm "strange."
    I don't know, maybe that is a form of denial???
    I think it's wonderful that you were feeling strong enough to help a new counselor; we all have to learn our skills somehow. Luckily for her you were in a good position to be a teacher for her I'm sure she'll never forget.
    Life isn't fair; Fair is for five-year-olds!
     
  6. meohmy

    meohmy New Member

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    Hey Boo,
    I am new here and not used to chat rooms ,hopefully I will become seasoned. I have seen countless psychiatrists and psychologists and councillors. They didn't...until the last diagnosed me with ptsd. I've told them about all of it...the childhood sexual abuse, the rapes, the beatings...etc. There was concern, medication, inappropriate diagnoses. I have been labled with bi-polar, depression, personality disorder,
    and having a really good imagination. None of which I am.
    I am so very happy to find people who understand me.
     
  7. meohmy

    meohmy New Member

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    I saw that you replied..could not retrieve it....help
     
  8. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

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    do you have your profile set to accept private messages? Anyway, yes - I'm online for about another 40 minutes. Then I've got to take my Service Dog to the vet for a check up. I'm also on msn messenger, are you?
     
  9. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    How true is that one ha!!! Kinda smacks ya right between the looking gear.
     
  10. meohmy

    meohmy New Member

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    I can try to see if the old msn still works it's been awhile
     
  11. meohmy

    meohmy New Member

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    no clue with msn..will wait until my husband explains how to do it with me
     
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