I have know her for 16 years. Always the same pattern, but I was never smart enough or knew all she had been through before. I knew she had been molested in her early teens, but this last time she came back around she disclosed everything. 20+ years of sexual abuse by many different abusers. Same pattern once again and poof she was gone.
I did thousands of hours of research and had 16 years worth of conversations to show the patterns of behavior and even where she had told me in the past in very subtle ways but I never noticed it.
I took the conversations to a psychotherapist and after a month or so she said she is suffering from c-ptsd and avoidant personality disorder. In The past I didn't really try to or think it was anything except her being childish or hear lack of desire to deal with anything (sweeping things under the rug is what her family does. So that is what she has done as well AWAYS.)
I asked the psychotherapist if anything can be done to you change her behavior, get her to address issues as she has vocalized many times throughout the years her unhappiness and what she really wants in life but has never tried for. Her behavior has also gotten her hurt by putting herself in harmful situation and she has always voiced a feeling of worthlessness and no value and no control over life. Her behavior related to the abuse she suffered has gotten her hurt both from self-harm and by putting herself in bad situations. I'm worried she will get hurt again or end up dead if I handle things the same way. Every time she tells me of more bad things she has been through and harm.
I spoke with physicotherapist she said continue to let her know you're there don't be overly pushy though and set the boundaries for what normal healthy behavior is and stand by those.
I did that with really no luck so I spoke with a brother of hers and a friend.
The friend acknowledge she had those issues but she didn't want to do anything to help, the brother straight up denied everything. even when I showed him all the conversations. I told the brother it would really be big if he would at least talk to her as one of things she also told me was that she felt like she wasn't worth fighting for.
he got irritated that I wasn't letting him sweep this under the rug like they like to do and it turned into a harassment case.
When I looked into things apparently the brother was friends with the cop and she did what she always does which is whatever her brother and especially her dad says to do. I wasn't worried about the charge I had everything I needed but I did promise her I would not tell anybody the stuff she's told me and it's serious stuff. Figured I would go to court and see if I couldn't win without having to share that info.
It didn't really go well unfortunately. the judge made a remark about what was relevant basically saying what she's been through has no bearing or effect on her decision making or her mental state, and that it is not relevant, the past really isn't relevant. I looked at him and I was agitated, and asked him if he had taken law school within the last few months because if not and if it was years ago it wasn't irrelevant and he wasn't qualified to be sitting in that chair.
He took it very personally and since I hadn't called a jury trial he was the one making the decisions. Obviously he decided guilty which I was fine with because I knew I had the appeal as an option but if I put all the cards out on the table is it going to help her to realize her behavior is it just going to hurt?
I'm not sure what to do. I don't care really about the charge, but she has told me I'm the only one that confronts issues in her life, so the five year no contact order would mean she only gets the advice of passive people. which is very harmful way to handle things.
should I put it all out there and hope it helps her see maybe if she saw a court find me not quilty she would wonder why and look into things and see her behavior then maybe it will make her worse..... what do I do?
I did thousands of hours of research and had 16 years worth of conversations to show the patterns of behavior and even where she had told me in the past in very subtle ways but I never noticed it.
I took the conversations to a psychotherapist and after a month or so she said she is suffering from c-ptsd and avoidant personality disorder. In The past I didn't really try to or think it was anything except her being childish or hear lack of desire to deal with anything (sweeping things under the rug is what her family does. So that is what she has done as well AWAYS.)
I asked the psychotherapist if anything can be done to you change her behavior, get her to address issues as she has vocalized many times throughout the years her unhappiness and what she really wants in life but has never tried for. Her behavior has also gotten her hurt by putting herself in harmful situation and she has always voiced a feeling of worthlessness and no value and no control over life. Her behavior related to the abuse she suffered has gotten her hurt both from self-harm and by putting herself in bad situations. I'm worried she will get hurt again or end up dead if I handle things the same way. Every time she tells me of more bad things she has been through and harm.
I spoke with physicotherapist she said continue to let her know you're there don't be overly pushy though and set the boundaries for what normal healthy behavior is and stand by those.
I did that with really no luck so I spoke with a brother of hers and a friend.
The friend acknowledge she had those issues but she didn't want to do anything to help, the brother straight up denied everything. even when I showed him all the conversations. I told the brother it would really be big if he would at least talk to her as one of things she also told me was that she felt like she wasn't worth fighting for.
he got irritated that I wasn't letting him sweep this under the rug like they like to do and it turned into a harassment case.
When I looked into things apparently the brother was friends with the cop and she did what she always does which is whatever her brother and especially her dad says to do. I wasn't worried about the charge I had everything I needed but I did promise her I would not tell anybody the stuff she's told me and it's serious stuff. Figured I would go to court and see if I couldn't win without having to share that info.
It didn't really go well unfortunately. the judge made a remark about what was relevant basically saying what she's been through has no bearing or effect on her decision making or her mental state, and that it is not relevant, the past really isn't relevant. I looked at him and I was agitated, and asked him if he had taken law school within the last few months because if not and if it was years ago it wasn't irrelevant and he wasn't qualified to be sitting in that chair.
He took it very personally and since I hadn't called a jury trial he was the one making the decisions. Obviously he decided guilty which I was fine with because I knew I had the appeal as an option but if I put all the cards out on the table is it going to help her to realize her behavior is it just going to hurt?
I'm not sure what to do. I don't care really about the charge, but she has told me I'm the only one that confronts issues in her life, so the five year no contact order would mean she only gets the advice of passive people. which is very harmful way to handle things.
should I put it all out there and hope it helps her see maybe if she saw a court find me not quilty she would wonder why and look into things and see her behavior then maybe it will make her worse..... what do I do?
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