It feels like I have been on the CPTSD journey for years now. I sometimes think that, if I had ever had a clue how long it would take to heal, I would've killed myself.
At the end of 2013, I am realizing that I am going through a new, deeper set of changes. Changes to the structure of my personality as it has been in place, I think, since I was, like 3 yo. I don't even know who I am becoming anymore.
This has been the result of being about to become a dad myself and allowing my therapist the kind of trust that would have been given to the dad who instead abused me. Allowing my sense of loyalty to switch and to feel protected in some way by him.
It has all been very intense. I was just wondering again tonight if there are any other father-son abuse survivors out there who might be able to identify with any of what I've written, esp. if your sexual abuse goes back to a younger-than-school-age.
I really hope things stabilize again soon and I make peace with myself again.
At the end of 2013, I am realizing that I am going through a new, deeper set of changes. Changes to the structure of my personality as it has been in place, I think, since I was, like 3 yo. I don't even know who I am becoming anymore.
This has been the result of being about to become a dad myself and allowing my therapist the kind of trust that would have been given to the dad who instead abused me. Allowing my sense of loyalty to switch and to feel protected in some way by him.
It has all been very intense. I was just wondering again tonight if there are any other father-son abuse survivors out there who might be able to identify with any of what I've written, esp. if your sexual abuse goes back to a younger-than-school-age.
I really hope things stabilize again soon and I make peace with myself again.