Hello,
I have been doing a lot of talking with therapists, CPNs and psychiatrists of late - something I'm sure most of you are more than used to.
One of the things that we keep coming back to is the role I've played in some of my traumatic experiences mainly those that have had a strong interpersonal focus (mainly the long term domestic abuse, psychological torture) and ways that the neglect I experienced as a child left effected my thought patterns, personality development and consequently my behaviours. In an effort to try and get my head around it all I wanted to bring it here in an effort to get some perspective.
To try and get everything down I wrote a entry in my Trauma Diary ([DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/threads/14484-Ready-To-Share-My-Story"]here's a link[/DLMURL], it's the most recent entry). It looks at my experiences, patterns in behaviour (of mine and of the abusers) and the negative effects that appear to have stemmed from my desire to please.
Having read a fair bit online about it I've been left feeling a bit uncomfortable by the way it appears to be dealt with. There seems to be a strong assumption that people who engage in these behaviours do it passive-aggressively. They do things believing that they will then get something in return (be it love/ a stronger bond with someone/ favours/ gratitude) and then when they don't resentment and anger (which I should mention is always assumed to be directed at the people that didn't return the favour) leads to destructive interpersonal behaviour.
I am pretty sure that the reason I (personally) try to make people around me happy is not because I believe by doing so I will be entitled get a reward, but because I don't know how else to act. I don't get angry or resentful towards people that don't reward me because I honestly don't believe I have any entitlement to a reward. It's all a bit scary. It's taken me a long time to stop blaming myself 100% for the things that have happened and I'm worried that this train of thought may lead back to that way of thinking.
I could ramble about this for hours, but in an endeavour to keep to the point... I wanted to ask if there are people here who find that they have fallen into similar ways of thinking/behaving/coping? Then to ask if they had any advice to offer someone who is just starting out down that road.
I have been doing a lot of talking with therapists, CPNs and psychiatrists of late - something I'm sure most of you are more than used to.
One of the things that we keep coming back to is the role I've played in some of my traumatic experiences mainly those that have had a strong interpersonal focus (mainly the long term domestic abuse, psychological torture) and ways that the neglect I experienced as a child left effected my thought patterns, personality development and consequently my behaviours. In an effort to try and get my head around it all I wanted to bring it here in an effort to get some perspective.
To try and get everything down I wrote a entry in my Trauma Diary ([DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/threads/14484-Ready-To-Share-My-Story"]here's a link[/DLMURL], it's the most recent entry). It looks at my experiences, patterns in behaviour (of mine and of the abusers) and the negative effects that appear to have stemmed from my desire to please.
Having read a fair bit online about it I've been left feeling a bit uncomfortable by the way it appears to be dealt with. There seems to be a strong assumption that people who engage in these behaviours do it passive-aggressively. They do things believing that they will then get something in return (be it love/ a stronger bond with someone/ favours/ gratitude) and then when they don't resentment and anger (which I should mention is always assumed to be directed at the people that didn't return the favour) leads to destructive interpersonal behaviour.
I am pretty sure that the reason I (personally) try to make people around me happy is not because I believe by doing so I will be entitled get a reward, but because I don't know how else to act. I don't get angry or resentful towards people that don't reward me because I honestly don't believe I have any entitlement to a reward. It's all a bit scary. It's taken me a long time to stop blaming myself 100% for the things that have happened and I'm worried that this train of thought may lead back to that way of thinking.
I could ramble about this for hours, but in an endeavour to keep to the point... I wanted to ask if there are people here who find that they have fallen into similar ways of thinking/behaving/coping? Then to ask if they had any advice to offer someone who is just starting out down that road.