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Crisis line told me to help myself. no other support for suicidal ideation.

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My primary care doctor is wanting me to make reports to insurance. Um doc. Maybe later when I’m not in a mental health crisis?!

I read the website of the agency and thought maybe there is a way to get help there and everything in me was ok just thinking it could be fixed. Then reality hit... and I’m just...

What the hell. I don’t know why this is throwing me over the edge.

I need to find a way to let this all go. My mind just spins out...
 
Hang in there my friend, please! So many of us understand how hard and painful and lonely this is for you right now. As I write, years of empathy are welling in my eyes.

Try to feel the sense that even though we aren't there in body for you right now, we are holding your hand and hugging you if you're comfortable with that.

We get it, we really do, many of us have been in that I'm impossibly hard and painful place but truly? You are not alone. You are loved. Love lives inside of you and reaching in deep will give you the strength to get through this.

I hope and pray you do get some real, present and effective help very soon though. You deserve the very best care and I'm rooting for you to access it.

*Tears not years. I have a horrible auto correct. Sorry for typo
 
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Thanks to @Friday, I was reminded of HALT. I am hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.

I got food so I’m not so hungry. Posting here helped me not be so lonely... and I ran... ready to go crash and sleep.

Beginning to feel less over-the-edge.

You all are the best. Thank you deeply for hearing (reading) me and helping me hang on through this.
 
I told them if I could figure it out on my own, I wouldn’t be asking for help. They went back to I have the power to help myself. Ok yeah... I get that... but is it possible someone might need outside help for a mental illness?!

Then they asked what helped in the past.

UGH.
That is a really unhelpful and terribly painful response to receive when you have been brave to reach out for help. I feel for you. That is really very poor.
 
I went through a seriously bad time, and the Suicide Call Back Line was most helpful for me. I got a lot of empathy. Life Line can be a really mixed bag some of them are seriously well - not helpful - pushing their religion or whatever, but you can say thank you and ring back again to someone who is more reasonable. Beyond Blue - utterly hopeless in my experience - they do a lot of fund raising but I have never come across anyone that actually found them helpful. Yeah they fundraise a lot. The mental health teams across Australia can be a really mixed bag in a lot of ways - some are good - and some are people who are passing time in order to cash in that pay check. It does cause me deep concern and sadness that you reached out and all you got was Hallmark schmalziness - ugh! Reaching out is so goddamned hard - and that is really poor that you got that experience.
 
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