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Cruel Words That Can Kill Your Spirit

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Sandra

MyPTSD Pro
I will always remember my so called mother telling me these nasty things. Telling me I as a stupid ass that couldn't do anything right. And I was a stupid ass that would never amount to anything. And saying to me that you will never get married, who would want to marry you. And constantly telling me I was an accident that wasn't wanted. Needless to say it always made me feel like an outcast.
 
I can relate to that. My mother used to tell me she hated me, wished I was never born and if she had it to do over again she would never have had kids. I used to say, "that was your fault, I didn't ask to be born." "I wish I hadn't been born either." The things she said certainly could do and did do damage to a little girl's self esteem.
 
So very true Niki. At least you had the nerve to stand up to her. If I had I would have gotten the worse punichment ever so I knew better to stand up to her.
 
(((Sandra & NIKI)))
I'm SOOO sorry these things were said to you! How awful!! I hope you have learned that what your mothers told you, was not, IS not true!!

My mother never said those things. She never said anything. Oh, she could find a mistake in any and every thing! No guidance, no connection at all really. Aloof would be the best word I think.

As a mother, I just cringe at any child being told that at any point in their life!!
 
Yeah, that is just a terrible thing to hear from a parent. Definitely takes guts to talk back like that. I could never have done that, I was too terrified of my mom. I don't know why I was so terrified though, since I only remember actually being slapped once or twice (maybe). Although that one slap in the face was pretty upsetting because it was for, of all the dumb things, playing with barbies too loud and laughing too loudly while we were in the car (even though me and sis were trying to be quiet) and then when I was in high school I got slapped at and dragged into the car and sworn at and yelled at because I got annoyed and said I'd call someone else to drive us when she said she didn't want to drive to a friend's house. Of course my friend was there watching and was freaked out too, so embarrassing. Even though the situations are completely different I think the mental damage is similar whether it's a mother that is constantly belittling their kids or a mother that ignores you half the time and then the rest of the time randomly explodes and starts screaming and swearing at you for something that you didn't think was a problem until that moment. The sort of things that make you think you can't depend on others I suppose.

Just thinking about this stuff seriously makes me feel peeved. I get what you mean about it killing the spirit. Even now when someone raises their hand suddenly I flinch and if someone yells my heart rate shoots through the roof and I start shaking and crying right away. I guess my body is preparing for someone to enter into a random violent rage or something. It's ironic I thought I'd get over that after the military and boot camp but I never did. My reaction just gets worse and worse. Funny how it continues to eat away at you over the years.
 
(((Sandra)))

I am so sorry that your mother said those things to you, it is just wrong for a parent to say those kinds of things to their child!!!!

Some of the things my mother said to me were not nice either. When I told her that I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, she said, "You are already dead and are just too stupid to lie down." When I was beaten as a child she would threaten me by saying that she would 'beat me until there was nothing left but a greasy spot.' She also said that 'I would never amount to anything. '

My dad would come in drunk and beat my mother. When I asked why she stayed with him, she said, "I wouldn't if it weren't for you ."...so I blamed myself.

There were a lot of things like this said to me, but I don't believe those things anymore.

sending you warm healing hugs,
LH
 
Hi All,

Reading these posts have brought tears to my eyes. I want to go back in time to the younger you(s) and give you a great big hug, tell you how special you all are and that what your parents are saying is THEIR problem, not yours! You are all gifts and should have been treated as such!

I too have parents who were 'monsters' and it has taken a lot of work to address the core beliefs they have instilled in me. I won't go into details about the trauma I suffered at the hands of my father (in particular), but I will tell you about something that really resonated with me...

I took a look at my parents behavior to try to rationalize what I could... What I learnt was that they 'mirror'. That's when someone says 'you are XX', they are really talking about themselves and their own issues - either learnt from their parents, or a facet of their own psychological state. None of what they say about you is true, its a manipulation, a diversion, a sick game. What they say ONLY gives you an insight into who THEY are, NOT who YOU are.

Most of all, I want to tell each of you this.....you have a right....to live, to be happy, to be loved, to be hugged, to be praised, to be encouraged, to be told JUST how wonderful and important you are.

Keep challenging the core beliefs they have left you with. I know it's hard going, but once you have addressed this, you will find much peace.

All my love and hugs xxoo
 
Most of all, I want to tell each of you this.....you have a right....to live, to be happy, to be loved, to be hugged, to be praised, to be encouraged, to be told JUST how wonderful and important you are.

Thank you for the kind words!! I've spent most of my adult life trying to believe those things about myself! I think it's starting to work!!
 
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