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Dad Is Finally Starting To Understand

Discussion in 'General' started by White0nWhite, Sep 18, 2007.

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  1. White0nWhite

    White0nWhite Member

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    My Dad.. who used to shrug my condition and episodes.. nightmares and so on, the physiological symptoms of PTSD as; "It was so long ago, I got you away from it and you should be better now." And that I was in therapy.. so I should be "better". But.. Finally... He seemed to understand this morning.

    At work, I was doing what I always do, it was almost time for the store to open. So the day crew was there along with the night stockers (what I do). And a woman walked by me wearing the perfume my mother used to soak herself in. Instinctively I became scared.. then anger and my defence mode went on. Kind of like how I handled things during my last year in school. I got angry, used the anger for working faster and sooner or later I was out of there. But in my mind, I knew the smell, and I work very very VERY hard to avoid triggers and things that I know can set off anything from my childhood before going to bed. Or else I'll have nightmares. Knowing I caught a whiff of that smell. I dare not sleep until after a while. It's kind of funny.. in a not so funny way.. how we were talking about smells and a different post, and I didn't think there were too many I could ever run into that would make me get upset. But that perfume did..

    I came home, relaxed, and I normally eat something then go right to bed... But I won't be today. So as I was cleaning my dish from breakfast (...or dinner..) in the kitchen and started to head for the steps.. my dad (who was eating his breakfast and getting ready for his job) asked me if I was going to bed.. about to say "goodnight"

    me: no.. I'm just gonna... try and stay up and I can't go to bed, I'm just gonna stay up and head out to the stores (I stuttered this)
    him: why can't you go to sleep?
    me: I'm afraid.. I gotta be careful about smells and things or else I'll have nightmares...

    And the rest was mumbled and slurred.. which lead to me crying, and he hugged me and rubbed my back, telling me "your mom's not here anymore." and it was such a relief.. I kept saying I was sorry and he said "You don't have to be sorry." I really hope he's starting to understand now.. even though she's not here, even though she lives miles away and I don't have to see her... she's still in my head.. and it's a day by day thing...

    I gotta go run to some stores for my family.. so I'm gonna do that before I sleep and call him later and thank him... I'm thinking about picking up that book that's recommended for carers for him to help him.. and a thank you card..
     
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    I hope that he can understand. It helps when you have someone that can......
     
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