MaferefunYemaya
New Here
I'm new here and I read so many posts on this page that gave me hope again..
I met a man online about three months ago. We started texting / talking and got deeper into it very quick. When we're around each other we're very comfortable, but I'm always making sure he's ok with me touching and hugging. He's very affectionate, but he said he adapts. He sees me being very loving, so he's the same.
He told me upfront that he has serious demons and that whenever he sees someone getting closer, he gets distant. That he knows he is capable of loving someone since he's been in a relationship over three years, but it takes time. I understood, because I informed myself about PTSD before I met him. I don't know, it felt right. He says he feels very good around me, but it makes him worry, because he never had the easy path. He became distant with me after a couple days already, I told him he is and he didn't mean it, apologized.
Now it's actually the third time, because we had a fight about a week ago. It was a small thing to me, but a huge reason to shut down for him. He gets irritated fast. Mostly over very small things while big ones don't bother him. He says his feelings aren't gone, but he is at that point where he doesn't believe it anymore. Then he says he could be letting go the love of his life and not knowing it, then he says he needs time. He says he needs time to think and not jump to conclusions which will set us on different paths, but then he says maybe he doesn't want to leave, but a strange feeling is telling him to.
I understood. Since I'm a very emotional person with a bad temper it's hard to be patient, to think rational, to fall back. Whenever I get emotional, I vent to my friends and keep my anger in check. It's not fair of me to go off on him just because he doesn't act the way I want him to. It is something I have to work on and he is the first man in my life that straight up told me I have to check my emotions and my trust issues. That if I would know about his problems, I wouldn't even bother about other women. But I'm still a female and of course I'm scared to lose him.
We texted back and forth, I broke it down for him, but I realized he doesn't talk whenever I send long texts that include his problems and what he is exactly doing here, I can't be his therapist. I need to understand that. He knows he has problems, it's not right of me to remind him more and more. I have to make sure he knows I'm here. I bugged and nagged before I realized I have to relax and educate myself even more, because I know he is pushing me away. I asked if he wants me to let go, stop trying and if he wants me to forget him, he said he doesn't know and maybe.
I stopped asking questions, because getting a serious answer wasn't possible. Only thing I said was that he's always on my mind, but I'm not putting any pressure on him anymore. That I understand he doesn't feel like talking at the moment, but I don't want him to think that I'm abandoning him just because he needs time and space. That I'm not going to leave him. That whenever he feels like talking, I'm here and if he wants to take things very slow, then I'm fine with it.
I'm not leaving him alone completely, I say good morning, have a good day and good night, I let him know when I think of him. It seems like he is ok with it, he answers right away, but I avoid asking questions.
He is in the Military / SF over 10 years now and had a head injury, too. I know I can't fix him or heal him. I know he has to change for himself, when he's ready. All I can do is making sure he knows I won't leave and that I won't betray him. He doesn't think he is a good person, but he has such a sweet spirit and a good soul. It makes me believe in him.
It's hard to be strong, when people around you constantly tell you he is playing games, he is just lying. How can I compare him to an average man, knowing he's been through things. I can't act like he's whole.
I'm scared I lost him completely this time and that he can't bounce back to normal again. I know we're both strong, but still, it's hard at the same time. It's been only three months, but some weird feeling and my heart are telling me to stay by his side. Maybe he will have some other girl some time soon, I don't know. Maybe it's my own trust issues, but I'm trying hard to stay positive.
Thank you for reading and any help is appreciated! ( Sorry if my grammar isn't always right. English isn't my first language! )
I met a man online about three months ago. We started texting / talking and got deeper into it very quick. When we're around each other we're very comfortable, but I'm always making sure he's ok with me touching and hugging. He's very affectionate, but he said he adapts. He sees me being very loving, so he's the same.
He told me upfront that he has serious demons and that whenever he sees someone getting closer, he gets distant. That he knows he is capable of loving someone since he's been in a relationship over three years, but it takes time. I understood, because I informed myself about PTSD before I met him. I don't know, it felt right. He says he feels very good around me, but it makes him worry, because he never had the easy path. He became distant with me after a couple days already, I told him he is and he didn't mean it, apologized.
Now it's actually the third time, because we had a fight about a week ago. It was a small thing to me, but a huge reason to shut down for him. He gets irritated fast. Mostly over very small things while big ones don't bother him. He says his feelings aren't gone, but he is at that point where he doesn't believe it anymore. Then he says he could be letting go the love of his life and not knowing it, then he says he needs time. He says he needs time to think and not jump to conclusions which will set us on different paths, but then he says maybe he doesn't want to leave, but a strange feeling is telling him to.
I understood. Since I'm a very emotional person with a bad temper it's hard to be patient, to think rational, to fall back. Whenever I get emotional, I vent to my friends and keep my anger in check. It's not fair of me to go off on him just because he doesn't act the way I want him to. It is something I have to work on and he is the first man in my life that straight up told me I have to check my emotions and my trust issues. That if I would know about his problems, I wouldn't even bother about other women. But I'm still a female and of course I'm scared to lose him.
We texted back and forth, I broke it down for him, but I realized he doesn't talk whenever I send long texts that include his problems and what he is exactly doing here, I can't be his therapist. I need to understand that. He knows he has problems, it's not right of me to remind him more and more. I have to make sure he knows I'm here. I bugged and nagged before I realized I have to relax and educate myself even more, because I know he is pushing me away. I asked if he wants me to let go, stop trying and if he wants me to forget him, he said he doesn't know and maybe.
I stopped asking questions, because getting a serious answer wasn't possible. Only thing I said was that he's always on my mind, but I'm not putting any pressure on him anymore. That I understand he doesn't feel like talking at the moment, but I don't want him to think that I'm abandoning him just because he needs time and space. That I'm not going to leave him. That whenever he feels like talking, I'm here and if he wants to take things very slow, then I'm fine with it.
I'm not leaving him alone completely, I say good morning, have a good day and good night, I let him know when I think of him. It seems like he is ok with it, he answers right away, but I avoid asking questions.
He is in the Military / SF over 10 years now and had a head injury, too. I know I can't fix him or heal him. I know he has to change for himself, when he's ready. All I can do is making sure he knows I won't leave and that I won't betray him. He doesn't think he is a good person, but he has such a sweet spirit and a good soul. It makes me believe in him.
It's hard to be strong, when people around you constantly tell you he is playing games, he is just lying. How can I compare him to an average man, knowing he's been through things. I can't act like he's whole.
I'm scared I lost him completely this time and that he can't bounce back to normal again. I know we're both strong, but still, it's hard at the same time. It's been only three months, but some weird feeling and my heart are telling me to stay by his side. Maybe he will have some other girl some time soon, I don't know. Maybe it's my own trust issues, but I'm trying hard to stay positive.
Thank you for reading and any help is appreciated! ( Sorry if my grammar isn't always right. English isn't my first language! )
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