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Dating Someone With Ptsd

Discussion in 'Supporter Relationships' started by christine12, Oct 11, 2012.

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  1. christine12

    christine12 Member

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    Hello, I have just recently started dating someone with PTSD, but I have some questions for anyone who has dated, is dating, or married to someone suffering from PTSD. The guy that i am dating wants me to do research and sit in on groups with other people who are supporters care givers or what not to people wit PTSD.... he says he wants me to know completley what i am getting into relationship wise so I can make informed descions for myself. I would like to hear from other people and what they think? how they have dealt with it? any suggestions?

    Thank you for any help
    #frustrated
     
    BloomInWinter, Abstract and p-no like this.
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  3. Trembling

    Trembling Falling in a deep hole.....

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    Welcome!

    Christine12, I am very surprised about the honesty the new man in your life has towards you. Is he in treatment?

    He is right, if you are interested in a serious relationship, the best you can do is to learn all you can, to get information, to ask for things you do not understand, and believe me - this will happen.

    You made the first big step in coming here.

    You will find many people who can tell you lots of their experience and who will be there for you when needed.

    Good luck!
     
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  4. here4him

    here4him Member

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    I started dating a guy early in the summer who was very much like what you have described. He told me everything the went through in Iraq in great detail and swore he had told me more than his dad (who he is very close to) and his therapist. There was a huge level of trust between us. He sent me articles he felt were good about dealing with PTSD and TBI and wanted to do everything possible to help me understand.

    Unfortunately, the relationship ended about a month ago anyway. The added stress of just daily relationship expectations was more than he could handle (his words, not mine). I'm devastated. He told me he still wanted to be friends, that he didn't want to cut me out of his life, and he wanted to still talk and hang out. He now won't speak to me. I've texted him a couple of times very simple things like, "Hey, how was your week?" and I get no response at all. The only way I know he's still alive is that we're still friends on Facebook.

    So, my advice would be to learn all you can about PTSD, but understand that that may still not save your relationship.
     
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  5. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

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    5.5 years down the track and married.

    Wow what a ride! I would learn as much as you can however translating what is read or said is nothing compared to the reality of the journey. For me life has got better but I've earned my stripes!

    Good luck.
     
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  6. amethist

    amethist The Mystic Duck Premium Member Donated

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    I have to agree with Nicolette here, as for me also 5 years down the line and being married for 4 years before PTSD invaded our lives.

    This is something you have to go into with your eyes wide open and to expect the unexpected. Nothing can prepare you for the realities of how it really is day to day.
     
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  7. Springer80

    Springer80 I'm a VIP

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    Having ptsd has felt like trying to box with a ghost on a ship deck covered in ball bearings. It is absolutely exhausting at times and very distressing when you can't control your own body and responses. Sometimes it just consumes you. Trying to explain this to others is tricky. Trying to maintain a normal balance on the outside when inside is a hurricane is difficult. The tragic part is that the sufferer is aware but often incapable of influencing the path of their condition and its effects. To often be blamed, misunderstood or pushed in unhelpful directions by others good but ill informed intentions can inflame the situation and the medical profession is normally a hindrance in the process unless you can find a specialist.

    I started to try and get help in 1999, I'm just getting to the point where I can build a modified life that won't do me further damage and then hopefully I can look for serious relationships again.

    Good luck.
     
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  8. search

    search Was Junebug Premium Member Donated

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    Christine12, I think he has been (incredibly) forthcoming with you.

    Here4him, it's usually what 'isn't' said that's part of the key to the problem. Internal shame, guilt, beliefs, horrors. As Springer said, that don't go away. And that perhaps he can't even identify (or identify yet).

    But I don't think anyone wants to feel like a liability to their partner. It really requires lots of (continual) work on the sufferer's part and very unique SO's for it to be worth it and possible in a healthy way.

    Best wishes to all.
     
    bibi, Abstract, Trembling and 2 others like this.
  9. Enigma66

    Enigma66 Member

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    Hi, I think it's a very good thing that he wants you to be informed and included. Its great that he is aware of the dynamics and wants you to go in with some knowing and understanding for yourself. However you have to be careful that you keep a balance for yourself.
     
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  10. christine12

    christine12 Member

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    Thank you to everyone with your replies it has helped me a lot... He is very well informed about his PTSD and he does attend a support group for veterans.. and he has health issues that are from being in combat. He has been very open and honest about his PTSD and how it effects him and what it has done to him , he isn't a emotional person his level on things are so completely different to just a regular person.

    He wanted me to seek guidance because he said he wouldnt be only in my life but if we are in a serious relationship than he would be around my daughters as well. And I very much respect that about him, you dont meet many people who are like that or even think about those things. I admire that about him. But here is one thing, I am a very nuturing person I am expressive and I care probably way to much about people..... I can tell this is diffrent for him because he seems to not know what to do with me when I am that way.... my question what should I do ? How should I be? What things should I look for or certain things I shouldnt do?? Just want us to make our way the right way
     
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  11. Springer80

    Springer80 I'm a VIP

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    Have you read the book or watched the film The Horsewhisperer? I think it's kind of like that.
     
    Abstract likes this.
  12. christine12

    christine12 Member

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    I would like to thank you for your comments on my post i truly appreciate them
     
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  13. christine12

    christine12 Member

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    Springer,

    I truly appreciate the advice and espically from a person who has ptsd and knows what it feels like inside. I hope that I can be someone in his life that helps him
     
    Springer80 likes this.
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