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Relationship Dealing With Avoidance

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Just kind of an in general question. Does any one else find that their SO avoids communicating about things?
Not limited to the PTSD but everything? I feel like my SO is more of an avoider than prone to blow up's. This is maddening to me!! I feel like conversations turn into this giant confusing circle. I am frustrated today. I have no patients right this minute for it and so I am trying to vent instead of reacting in nonproductive ways.
 
I can relate to that. My wife often will say something like "whatever, you decide" or something like that. She doesn't discuss anything like she used to. I know sometimes she does this when she is in a state where thinking logically is hard for her to do. I know because I see the confused look right before she says something like this.

It can be very frustrating for the carer to have a sufferer either blow up for no reason or to avoid talking about simple things. You just have to remember that maybe at that time they are not capable of having that conversation because the PTSD has worn them down. Any way, that's my take on things that I have seen/experienced.

Jawn
 
All I can say is BIG BIG BIG HUGS. Avoidance is the name of the game for my spouse with CPTSD. I have almost stopped consulting him on certain things as I know that they stress him out. So sometimes I will just mention in passing that I am doing this or that.

Communication for us is limited to certain topics. Not really fair or easy but that is the way it goes at this point. His therapist is confident that in a year or so we will be able to communicate more. :)
 
It's my worst. worst fault across the board. Everyone's relationships are different, but my husband just tends to kindly not let me off the hook with things. He won't engage in a fight, but will sort of just keep looking me in the eye, making his point and refusing to say another word if I react badly. The same subject can be in the air for WEEKS until I finally stop being reactive- which eventually happens since there are no negative consequences no matter how hard my head looks for them. He does the same thing with other stuff I avoid-just quietly expects it to be done, persists with lots of love but I DO know he's not going to back off with it, so end up doing whatever it is. Poor guy-it must be like dealing with a large child.

This might not be helpful, since it's terribly unfair to expect anyone to react well given our over-the-top, often emotional ways to avoid things. He's just wired that way-is a scientist and his head solves problems, me being one of them. :)
 
Thank you,

All of your post were very helpfull. I was really having a few bad days where the stress of things got to be just to much. I feel such guilt when I get this frustrated with him. I feel like I know that he is struggling right now but I can not always control how much it is getting to me.

He is gone for a long weekend (military commitment) and we have less contact during those things. I really almost welcomed the time to step back from it all and regroup so to speak.
I think that I needed the time for me, to just reevaluate the way that I was coming at the situation. To just have a break. ( I am sure he is needing one too!) I know he can tell when I am frustrated sometimes even when I try to hide it. It tends to just make it all so much worse. I have spent a long time reading on the forum the past few days. It seems to help calm me down and give me a different take on things.

Thank you Jawn, sickofit and anni it helps so much just to have some one say your not the only one dealing with this kind of thing right now. Some days it feels like such a lonely place to be. Being here helps.
 
It's a wierdly effective prescription, being here. I couldn't recommend it enough, even if one didn't join, just sort of browsed. Every time I thing some single aspect is the most healing, I'll recognize another and change my mind. At the moment 'it' is just plain not being alone with this dam thing- kind of takes the 'dam' out of it and just makes PTSD a 'thing', sort of.

I'm sure even in a marraige where both are healthy, sometimes it's not a bad idea to have a break from each other. With your husband's PTSD, the timing is probably rather good at this point since he gets to perhaps process some healing and you get to re-group and refuel yourself. I don't mean to imply he's out there actively getting better, but it's this little private theory of mine that a certain amount of healing takes place almost 'behind out backs', naturally, like an open wound can't help but close, you know? The dynamics for that to occur have to be in place, of course, but you're providing that just by being his wife, caring and accepting of him no matter what. It just plain helps, believe me, although I'm not a combat vet of course.

I hope you're taking the time to do nice things for yourself- whatever your idea of decadence might be. Chocolate eating is a popualr past-time for those requiring respite, I hear!
 
Hi anni Thank you so much!
Love chocolate :) I have been really trying to focus on me this weekend although I will say its been a little harder than I thought it might be originally. I have barely heard from him and it always makes me worry a little. Kind of frustrating at times too. I know he needs time out. I can say happily though that this forum has helped me just let go (because its all I really can do) and accept I can only do what I can do.

I Should clarify that he isn't my husband but my boyfriend. Not that it bothers me to have you call him that but lately I have been thinking about having him check this forum out and lots of things I don't find a big deal are a trust issue (anything misrepresented would be) and so I try to acknowledge that and do my best to respect it when i can.

That does raise a question for me that I have been going over in my head. How do I bring up checking out the forum? There is so much great stuff here and I believe he would gain so much from too. How can I suggest it to him with out it sounding as though I don't think he is doing a good job with how he is handling things already. He is having a ruff time as of late and the last thing I want to do is make it worse or fan the fire but really feel like it could help to be here too.

Any thoughts anyone?
 
I may be wrong but did you two get together over an affair? It may be irrelevant but he may feel guilt over that if that is the case. Which would explain him blocking you and his ex wife trying to block it all out.
 
Hi sickofit,
I think you have posted this to the wrong thread. Maybe you were looking at the thread just titled Avoidance?
 
Confused is something I'm sure pretty much everyone who ever logged in here is conversant with, no need for the :( , to be sure! In point of fact I'd gotten confused since keep referring to a husband who is in fact a boyfriend, so sorry TTL. :)

I can see where you'd like to keep things straight, especially if you'd like him to come tool around here. It's tough to suggest how to have him perhaps check it out because everyone is so different with how they react to their diagnosis, you know? It might just be a good idea to tell him you wished to understand more of what he might be requiring from you, and came across this forum while on the search. Having joined for your own purposes, you do feel it would be a useful source for him as well. In point of fact, there is a seperate Carer's section, and your paths really don't have to necessarily cross here. It does sound as if you genuinely have gotten comfort and relief here, so even if he doesn't pick up on the hint I do hope you'll continue to come and eat chocolate with us. :)

I'd have to guess that if you do mention the forum to him, at some point he'll log in to see what's up. It's a terrible way to live, and the suggestion that something or other could provide some sort of comfort might come as a relief.
 
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