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Deciding To Work Or Volunteer In Potentially Retraumatizing Role Post Ptsd Diagnosis?

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Justmehere

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I don't know which forum to post this in, so mods, please feel free to move this to any forum that this fits best under.

I'm contemplating working with an NGO (non-government organization) based out of my city.

I have worked for an NGO abroad, in a developing country, in the past.

With this new organization, I would not be traveling anywhere. However, I would have direct contact with refugees in refugee camps and with people in the US helping them.

I would not be in a role to meet the needs of the refugees, but helping connect them to people who can, and connecting people who want to help to refugees to those who are in dire need.

I don't know if I should do this or not. I'm considering turning down the very minimally paid part time job and offering to work as a volunteer for 5-10 hours a week, doing it as a volunteer, and to commit to doing this for 3 months, and then reevaluate.

I love the model of the group I would be working with, and I would love to be able to help people going through far worse than anything I have ever been through. Plus, to be honest, it would also be an amazing experience for me professionally in a bunch of ways I can't describe online. It would be a huge tool to growing my own professional life as I work my way off disability completely. I have the time and the means to make it work, and I have skills the NGO team in town is currently lacking and needing.

It would also be hard. It would bring some heavy world issues right to the forefront in my own life.

It is pretty direct exposure to some intense issues and trauma happening in the world. I have PTSD already and vicarious/secondary traumatization is a real thing.

I've thought about postponing involvement... but in 6 months to a year, this opportunity will be gone.

I have a few days to decide if I'm going to get involved now. My therapist says she will support me either way, and likes my approach to have an easy way out if I start relapsing doing the work.

I mean... If I do this...These kids... The refugee kids... They are already on my mind. I can't forget them. I have shed a few tears already because damn it, 6 year olds should be playing with friends and toys and not freezing every night in UN camps for months/years on end. I already feel like I can't walk away without doing something. And I actually have an opportunity to do something for at least one child. And their whole family. And even more of a chance to empower others to do something for other kids and families. I can't forget them. Already, I can't forget them.

But the fact that I already feel this way... Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't do this and it would be too much.

I mean, it's kids, running from war, and it's a novel NGO model providing direct help to them to help them survive and know there are people in the world who do care for them.

I need some outside advice from anyone who has struggled with working or volunteering in a potentially tough field while already being diagnosed with PTSD. Is this the worst idea to even think of doing this? Should I walk away and rest in the fact that others will help? It was never all up to me anyhow? Or could this be a good thing? Or how do I even make this decision?

I probably am not the right person to be involved in this. I want some way to be more sure though. Maybe I just need encouragement to walk away... or to give it a try. I don't know. :(
 
I'm not sure what types of things would retraumatize you. My first reaction is that it sounds like a GREAT idea. I think you have a perspective on life, and people, that most people don't have. (Not recommending the rest of the world go out and get PTSD, just saying you know stuff, and you bring something special to the table.)

Bad stuff happens in the world all the time. I like the idea of being able to do something to repair at least some small part of it. I think that's empowering and potentially fulfilling and just generally Good.

If you're worried that you're going to get too attached to people, care too much, get your heart broke, etc......... Might happen. But, you have your therapist to help you find perspective and a certain amount of hurt is the price we pay for really living too, isn't it?

The answer you come up with has to work for YOU and that's all. What, exactly, are you worried about as far as "retraumatized" goes? Have you some specific concerns?
 
I couldn't agree more. Thank you scout86.
If you go ahead with it, you can always back out if it doesn't work for you.
Keep in touch with your support, your T, your positives.
It sounds rewarding. But don't place yourself in harms' way.
"To thine own self be true"..... and let us know how it goes.
Good luck either way.
 
My first reaction is that it sounds like a GREAT idea. I think you have a perspective on life, and people, that most people don't have. (Not recommending the rest of the world go out and get PTSD, just saying you know stuff, and you bring something special to the table.)
seconded

You are going into this with your eyes open, you are mindful of the potential problems and can spot them if they do begin to happen.

You can bring compassion and empathic understanding to the job, on top of your intelligence and non violent communication style.

I think it's a really good idea
 
What you want to do is very admirable and I commend you on you knowing yourself that we'll to recognize the difficulties you may face,
I too did so volunteer work with the homeless and less fortunate in my town a few back. I was on the what I like to call the frontline of volunteering. I have Cptsd.
My personal experience in this form of volunteerism left me a wreck. The personal tragedies that some went through were awful and drudge up a lot of feelings and triggers I wasn't prepared for. But most important was I could see the effects of trauma already in the young'uns. That was the worst. When I discovered one of the children was being sexually abused by her mother's 'friends' it broke me. I decided that I wasn't coping after 2yrs of volunteering with this group and my personal life was going to pot. I simply wasn't capable of that type of volunteering. It was too close to home for me.

I missed volunteering so I ended up joining the Lions international where it is more planting trees and gather goods for the needy instead of direct contact with them.

I'm not sure if this helps you much but that is my experience . Once again I commend you for your good nature and wanting to help.
I found that people who suffer Ptsd are much more capable of empathy than most. Even if we can't stand receiving it for ourselves.

All the best hun.

K
 
Love what @scout86 said. Couldn't agree more.

My personal experience with volunteering (different groups, but similar type of ngo work) was that I stopped coping when I started to over-commit myself. So working out your personal health limits will be important.

But overall, it was the very core of "meaningful activity" for me - it gave my life meaning, because I could see the impact I was having on individuals who were really struggling.

The 'broader picture' only became an issue for my health when I started policy work. When you're doing ground work with individuals, my experience was the exact opposite. The global picture actually mattered less to me, because I was experiencing first hand that regardless of the bigger picture, making small changes to one life actually is a really big deal. Individuals matter.

I reckon if your heart is in it, go for it. Monitor your health and be sensible about your limits, but if this is something you feel passionate about and have an opportunity to try, then try:)
 
There's such high turnover in NGOs from people burning out or being overwhelmed that I wouldn't stress taking the paid position instead of the volunteer position. In either one, if it becomes too much to handle, you can back your hours down &/or quit if need be. Ditto, it's usually easier to ask to stop being paid (if you decided to say 'These hours etc are too much for me. I'd like to take a step back and stay on as a volunteer.'), than to wiggle your way into a paycheck. It would also put you in a position to offer/recommend one of the kickass volunteers you've gotten to know for your position, and put you into position to be able to dictate your volunteer hours, rather than starting off as a volunteer for whom more and more and more is being asked.

That's me, though. If you're the other way around? By all means, do it the other way! :D

Working for NGOs is part of what brought me back from seeeeeeeriously crazy-land the first time I was doing badly with PTSD. I got hooked into the community from the armed side of things (where being batshit crazy wasn't just the norm or expected, but something to "win"). It was the combo of the intensity of the work, for short durations, that I had complete control over when & for how long & where (ish... Couldn't direct a tornado, but could decide if I was going to go lend a hand or not)... That helped me to start balancing out my life. The armed side it was work/party/isolate. The humanitarian side it was work/connect/isolate.
 
I currently work in an area that is potentially all kinds of triggering for me (child protection, with my own history of significant abuse). I can only talk from my own experience which has been that yes, at times, it's very triggering but usually in ways I didn't expect. I have regular therapy and I have independent support for another role I do which helps me. I've also had to work hard on things like work/life balance, self care and being able to identify when I've been triggered and what it is that's been triggered in me and why.

The flip side is that I have a lot to offer my profession in all kinds of ways, I feel stretched and I'm doing what I feel is meaningful work. I do need to know when to step away, when I need a proper break and to be ok with seeking support but if you have all that in place, you'll be ok.

Vicarious trauma is a real thing, do some reading about way to guard against it - if you find yourself taking your work home (mentally, emotionally, physically), start talking to people and don't stop. Yes, it's natural to feel, for example "children shouldn't have to live with this" and to feel sad about it - that's about being human. It's less ok for it to seep into your non-working life to where you can't engage with the people you love because you're worried about the people you work with.

I'm not sure how much of that is helpful...
 
I know I couldn't do it. In contrast, you think you can, and that's why you are posting here. If you think you can then I think you should try.. Just be open to it not working and be ready to walk away without guilt. But again that's just me...I know I would struggle to walk away which is part of why I know I can't.
 
Monitor your health and be sensible about your limits,
I find, for myself, that this is what gets me all messed up. I am not certain that I know how to regulate myself properly. It is great that you have a T watching over you. Any idea what your T and you think about your regulation skills? Will you be able to identify when, if necessary, you will walk away? Do you have a safety plan? If your T sees that something is going wrong do you guys have a 'safe word' that you will respect if you go off the rails but don't see it?
 
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