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Relationship Depersonalisation Dissociation And Ptsd

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Alex00

Hi,

I am new to this and was just looking to some guidance.

About 6 months ago my wife starting having therapy to help her deal with a trauma she had in childhood. Since then her mental state has declined quite rapidly.

The suicidal thoughts that she was getting about a month ago seem to have dissipated but she has been self harming. Each time it seemed to get worse (3 incidents and around 40 stitches in just one week) to the extent that she is now in hospital receiving intensive therapy. They are also trying to get the balance of her meds sorted out.

On top of this she has also been having episodes of dissociation and flash backs to the trauma. I try to bring her back into the room and have tried talking her through some grounding techniques. It is so distressing as she has quite a physical reaction to these episodes and it is clear she is in a great deal of distress.

She is truly such a wonderful person and I just want to support her in the best way possible.

I am very worried about when she is discharged from hospital. I have given up work but before she went in this wasn't enough and I still wasn't able to keep her safe. I think that is impossible in a domestic setting even though she is doing all she can (going to therapy, taking prescribed meds, exercising when she is able to etc). I know everyone's experience is different but if anyone has any advice on how I can best support her that would really be helpful.

We talk and communicate really well together but I am worried that there might be something that could help that we might both be missing. I am terrified I might lose her and just want to do everything I can to help her recover.

Thank you
 
It sounds like she's lucky to have you in her life.

Have you talked this over with her therapist? Do you have any kind of coordinated plan to deal with these things, when they come up? Your story makes me wonder if she needs to be in some kind of intensive inpatient program for awhile.

It's not uncommon for things to appear worse and people to have more obvious symptoms while working on this stuff. It's also possible to go about it too fast or "wrong" and create more problems than necessary. Kind of a fine line and the reason the right therapist is so important.

Talk with her, when she's doing ok about what she would find helpful, and with her therapist. They know her specific situation. Meanwhile, loving her is probably a huge source of support all by itself. Remember to take care of YOURSELF too. It's easy to forget. Good luck!
 
I'm coming at this as a sufferer so I"m certain that a supporter will have better/different insights
At this point, you can't even begin to think about doing this solo.

She's in the hospital to stablize. That gives you the chance to find some way to recoup from all you've been doing. You need to get somewhere and start talking to someone. Pronto. You really do need your own therapist

Second, I would talk to her therapist or whoever her team is about going from being stablized(crisis) to a residential setting so that she can start getting skills to deal with the SI and self harm. It sounds like she needs more tools in her toolbox.
 
Thank you everyone for your kind responses. It is really helpful to hear your views and thank you very much for the article.

Her therapist said that she couldn't be in contact with me or talk to me about my wife. Is this normal? The reason I contacted her therapist in the past (a few months ago) was to say that I was very concerned (her behaviour had altered dramatically and I think she was feeling suicidal) and thought that she might need more intensive treatment and support than home life could offer. I know I am on her list at the hospital of people the staff are allowed to talk to so I will try there.

I do trust her therapist, from what my wife has told me she does seem to act very professionally and has been helping. One member of her family has been blaming the therapist for all of this though as she appeared much more stable before going to the therapist. Although, to be honest in my opinion it was all there underneath the surface waiting to explode out so I am glad she sought professional help. I think she is in such a crisis because she has been holding it all together in such a strong and determined way over so many years without ever seeking help even for the small things as she didn't want to make anyone in her family unhappy with her own distress.
 
Yes, it's normal that your wife have complete confidentiality in her relationship with her therapist, psych, whomever. She would need to give permission. But I'd recommend letting that be her space.

You can tell the therapist anything you want that you think might be relevant, or that you are concerned about. The therapist won't be able to respond, but they can listen and use the info as they see fit.
 
Thanks, that is really useful to know. I have never seen a therapist myself so there are some grey areas in my head concerning treatment.

When she comes home I would only like advice from a professional on how best I can support her and what would help keep her in a safe place I have never had any intention of delving into anything they talk about in session. I appreciate that there are some things she will never share with me and that's OK.

My wife has now said that she would like for me to come for a joint session with her purely to discuss her support which I think is great progress and I think it will be massively useful.

Thanks again everyone.
 
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