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Depressed after sex.

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Jivijom

After the endorphins kick in and I lay there, I feel depressed after sex. My ptsd is from rape. I have been able to have sex and even enjoy the act, but it never feels good or right afterwards.

Has anyone else experienced this and how do you fix it?
 
When this used to happen to me : If I'm not instantly asleep? Even if I'm all blissed out? Don't just lie there. Get up, go make a sandwich, crank up the music, take a shower, get dressed, go for a walk, etc. Get up and moving and doing before the reaction kicks in. AKA self care. Because what goes up? Must come down. Treat :woot:WOW! Excitement just like you'd treat :eek: Anxiety, or :mad: Rage, or :cry: Despair. Get big emotions & big physical reactions settled, grounded, centered.
 
I experience this often and it caused me to want to keep going, which rarely happens. Lol

The thought of having to provide self care after sex. . . is depressing.
 
The thought of having to provide self care after sex. . . is depressing

Sometimes I think ^^^^ this is more indicative of PTSD than anything else. Normal people? Do these things without thinking twice about it. Hungry? Eat. Tired? Sleep. Edgy? Go blow off some steam. The impulse to keep it all locked in, the inability to even notice things like hunger, exhaustion, or emotions until they're so huge they can't be ignored and take over seemingly between one breath and the next; the fight to control things that are uncontrollable; the sense of personal failure when the impossible (turning off needs like food and sleep, using natural outlets for stress to keep even keeled, etc.) cannot be maintained indefinitely. The almost subconscious attempt to stay in a state of emergency at all times, avoiding the exact things which would help stabilize us the most. Selfcare? Is just normal. Broken down into manageable pieces. Relearning normal? Learning it for the first time? Just part of life, yeah? Learning how to what we need to do, to live the way we want to live.

My first trauma wasn't sexual. I still had to relearn how to handle sex. Along with everything else meaningful in my life. Had to learn it all over again one I added rape to the list. PTSD seems to have changed my factory presets. And now every time shit happens I have to readjust my radio, go back through setting by setting and repersonalize them. Until they're what I want them to be. Easier said than done, but worth it.
 
My statement about self care after sex being depressing wasn't so much about not doing self care. It's the fact that sex itself is self care and it doesn't work. Which is depressing. Sex is supposed to be the stress relief. Sex is supposed to be bonding. It's depressing to feel lonely and stressed afterwards.
 
I have always had depression after intimacy. All I ever have experienced as sex prior to trying to live a normal life with normal sex was multiple rapes. I think my mind goes into that fight-flight response expecting more abuse like the past. Today I am literally incapable of having anything other than a casual relationship with anyone. I can't trust those closest too me having been betrayed by those who were literally required by law to protect me from abuse. So how can I trust anyone else to just be loving. I am just unlovable because I can't return the same with those who are genuine because my mind can't trust anyone. I even have trouble loving myself by I am working on that. I guess that's a good place to start.

I don't think any of this will ever change, because its asking my mind to do something it can't do.
 
I am glad you shared this. I have been working In therapy on being ok with intimacy. I don't even like the word for " being together" and find it very uncomfortable. It seems so weird that people think this is a normal act etc. which is a problem since I'm married. I can enjoy it in the moment but have anxiety before and feel like I did something bad and depressed after. Sometimes I even self harm to cope. You are not a lone.... hopefully therapy and medicine will help. I just mentioned in therapy last week how I just wanted to be normal. I don't mean that In a bad way, I just wish that all of us who deal with this didn't have to try so hard to be human. Hopefully it gets better for all of you!
 
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