NovemberStar
MyPTSD Pro
Have family staying for the weekend. Was looking forward to it. Yesterday we had a day trip - thermal hot pools, forest walk and rode a Jet-boat. I felt flat, empty, joyless most of the time - small brief moments of 'ok' but not happy, or able to laugh and mean it .
Today I feel really low. Life feels pointless; is life worth it if you are joyless? I'm struggling to see 'the point'. I feel so flat and half dead anyway - like I would feel more 'alive' if I were dead. I wish having my niece and sister here was 'enough' for me to feel 'life is worth living'. It's so hard feeling this disconnected. I know I have to 'get through today' and maybe tomorrow will feel a bit ether - just feel so dam tired and sick of this.
I struggle to find meaning in anything. 'People' seem one dimensional and the whole world seems … ridiculous …. in how it works, how people are - everything.
WHY should I stay here in this so called 'life'? When I feel this way I can't relate at ALL to 'I can feel better'. When my mood shifts the previous mood is gone completely - I can't relate to it AT ALL. Feeling 'ok' I can't remember or relate to 'feeling awful'; feeling awful I can't relate or remember 'feeling ok'. That doesn't help me when I'm so low, and life feels so awful ad POINTLESS.
Even when something 'good' happens I do stop and ask myself 'is this 'enough'? Is 'life' and its occasional moments of 'good', enough? - the answer is ALWAYS NO.
Today I feel really low. Life feels pointless; is life worth it if you are joyless? I'm struggling to see 'the point'. I feel so flat and half dead anyway - like I would feel more 'alive' if I were dead. I wish having my niece and sister here was 'enough' for me to feel 'life is worth living'. It's so hard feeling this disconnected. I know I have to 'get through today' and maybe tomorrow will feel a bit ether - just feel so dam tired and sick of this.
I struggle to find meaning in anything. 'People' seem one dimensional and the whole world seems … ridiculous …. in how it works, how people are - everything.
WHY should I stay here in this so called 'life'? When I feel this way I can't relate at ALL to 'I can feel better'. When my mood shifts the previous mood is gone completely - I can't relate to it AT ALL. Feeling 'ok' I can't remember or relate to 'feeling awful'; feeling awful I can't relate or remember 'feeling ok'. That doesn't help me when I'm so low, and life feels so awful ad POINTLESS.
Even when something 'good' happens I do stop and ask myself 'is this 'enough'? Is 'life' and its occasional moments of 'good', enough? - the answer is ALWAYS NO.