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Did My Childhood Trauma Make My A Cynical Person?

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Deleted member 28862

So I'm 20 right now, as a child i was repeatedly raped by two family members, molested by my brothers friend and raped by someone i thought was my friend, my parents fought a ton, I don't trust ANYONE. I thought I could trust my brother but he dismisses my feelings a lot and make me feel like my emotions are invalid and that it makes no sense to feel that way because he sees me as a strong a strong person but even the strongest can fall.

I don't believe in fate, I don't care to vote in my country, every time someone does something nice for me I never believe it's out of the goodness of there heart. My parents guilt me a lot. I have a weak immune system and fall ill a lot, asthma,anemia and scoliosis are the biggest with my health and every time they need to borrow money from me ( I work part time as a pet groomer, my largest paycheck I've ever made is $101 so it's hard to lend out money) they always say "After all the things I did for you, I still paying for your scoliosis chair, I always did this or that for you etc etc" If I had a dollar for every time anything similar to those examples came out their mouths I'd be able to buy Nicki Minaj.

It's always over something I have no control over, and when they fight they always come to me to validate what they're fighting over, and honestly I'm always confused so when I don't give an answer that favours one over the other they feel "betrayed" I guess.

A lot of the times I feel like doing something isn't even worth it, like right now, I honestly don't feel like I'll get any good results out of asking for help, and I don't really see the point in asking for help. I'm very pessimistic, yet something is compelling me to write this.

Is being a cynical person a result of my childhood and teenage years.
 
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Just being around the crappy family members that you are around could lead to anyone becoming a little cynical and feeling frustrated and hopeless, even without the trauma history.

PTSD includes symptoms of anger and irritability. Being cynical could very well be part of that. It could be a protective mechanism, a defensive mechanism, to keep people away so you don't risk being harmed by them. Your writing comes across very hopeless. That could be related to PTSD too.

The are good reasons for feeling the way you feel. But, feelings are not always fact. I know you don't see the point in asking for help, and I can understand why. Those who have helped in the past now hold it against you. Not everyone is that way. It's not fair what you have been through, and it isn't your fault. You deserve to have kind people in your life who will support you in life, in much healthier ways, and support your recovery from the horrible trauma you have been through.
 
@Justmehere Hope is something I really lack, as each day passes it decreases. I don't allow much people to come into my life, so surrounding myself with new people and running the risk of them being the same type of people is more than what I'm bargain for, some said that I've become anti social
 
@Justmehere I do suffer from PTSD from the trauma, I don't like being around people, so I get a lot of pets, I only go to work and home, only when they need something or I need something to I go out, I rarely ever leave me room as I'm close to throwing up when around my father who is often home when I am.
 
@anthony i just watned confirmation, because a lot of people say I am, close friends as well. So I wondered if the reason was my upbringing
 
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