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Deleted member 28862
So I'm 20 right now, as a child i was repeatedly raped by two family members, molested by my brothers friend and raped by someone i thought was my friend, my parents fought a ton, I don't trust ANYONE. I thought I could trust my brother but he dismisses my feelings a lot and make me feel like my emotions are invalid and that it makes no sense to feel that way because he sees me as a strong a strong person but even the strongest can fall.
I don't believe in fate, I don't care to vote in my country, every time someone does something nice for me I never believe it's out of the goodness of there heart. My parents guilt me a lot. I have a weak immune system and fall ill a lot, asthma,anemia and scoliosis are the biggest with my health and every time they need to borrow money from me ( I work part time as a pet groomer, my largest paycheck I've ever made is $101 so it's hard to lend out money) they always say "After all the things I did for you, I still paying for your scoliosis chair, I always did this or that for you etc etc" If I had a dollar for every time anything similar to those examples came out their mouths I'd be able to buy Nicki Minaj.
It's always over something I have no control over, and when they fight they always come to me to validate what they're fighting over, and honestly I'm always confused so when I don't give an answer that favours one over the other they feel "betrayed" I guess.
A lot of the times I feel like doing something isn't even worth it, like right now, I honestly don't feel like I'll get any good results out of asking for help, and I don't really see the point in asking for help. I'm very pessimistic, yet something is compelling me to write this.
Is being a cynical person a result of my childhood and teenage years.
I don't believe in fate, I don't care to vote in my country, every time someone does something nice for me I never believe it's out of the goodness of there heart. My parents guilt me a lot. I have a weak immune system and fall ill a lot, asthma,anemia and scoliosis are the biggest with my health and every time they need to borrow money from me ( I work part time as a pet groomer, my largest paycheck I've ever made is $101 so it's hard to lend out money) they always say "After all the things I did for you, I still paying for your scoliosis chair, I always did this or that for you etc etc" If I had a dollar for every time anything similar to those examples came out their mouths I'd be able to buy Nicki Minaj.
It's always over something I have no control over, and when they fight they always come to me to validate what they're fighting over, and honestly I'm always confused so when I don't give an answer that favours one over the other they feel "betrayed" I guess.
A lot of the times I feel like doing something isn't even worth it, like right now, I honestly don't feel like I'll get any good results out of asking for help, and I don't really see the point in asking for help. I'm very pessimistic, yet something is compelling me to write this.
Is being a cynical person a result of my childhood and teenage years.
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