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Did You Believe Your Abuse Was Normal?

Discussion in 'Polls' started by Charleh, Feb 7, 2017.

Did you believe your CSA/child abuse was normal?

  1. Yes, I believed it was normal.

    26.7%
  2. Yes, and I believed it was my fault.

    55.6%
  3. No, I knew it was wrong.

    17.8%
  1. Charleh

    Charleh Active Member

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    I remember as a child, even though I faced severe "discipline" for doing something wrong, I believed for the longest time this was normal. That I had to just learn how to behave if I didn't want to get beaten or have my mom corner me with a knife. My childhood was hell but it wasn't until I was 10 that I realized my mom was wrong to treat me the way she did.

    What was your mindset toward your childhood abuse while you were still a child? This also includes sexual abuse.
     
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  3. Naoru

    Naoru Well-Known Member Donated

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    No, I knew it was wrong, and I believed it was my fault.
     
    420kitty and physicist13 like this.
  4. Bluemoonwillow

    Bluemoonwillow Member

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    When I was little I was actually told that everything that went wrong in the world was my fault. I was told by my parents that I was fat ugly lazy stupid and I would never find someone to love me. I was told by the first person to touch me sexually that if anyone found out nobody would love me and it would be my fault if they found out. All this by the time I was 7. I thought it was normal to have a dad that would spin off and attack even if we were sleeping because we breath to loud or cough to much. I thought everyone knew how to prep their parents drugs or mix drinks. I though it was normal being woke up in the middle of the night to make dad food and have him fondle me while I was cooking. I knew our loving situation was different by the time I was in 2 nod grade, but thought our family dynamics were normal. I though I was the reason it was so bad. I was the one who was an accident. My brother was an oops but I was a full fledge accident. I was the one who shouldn't have been born and having been born shouldn't have lived. I was the one who caused my mom and dad to hate me by having someone tell them that the guy staying with us was performing sex acts on me even though i was 4. I was the one who wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, active enough, cool enough. And I made it so mom and dad got so mad they took it out on both me and my brother.
     
  5. stp2012

    stp2012 Well-Known Member

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    My traumas have all been within the last few years, so as an adult some of it can be processed as definitely not my fault. I just get to be the one to deal with all the follow up mess.

    Hard part is the second trauma a couple of months ago which I still struggle to push away thoughts of responsibility in it. It may not have been intentional on my part, but I did give a green light signal to someone which in the end led to a sexual assault. I know he had no right to do what he did, but I still do feel part of the blame. ex I should have been assertive, should have stood up instead of staying down and ignoring the touch... that type of thing.

    So the poll is hard since I have more than 1 trauma to process and I feel half and half.
     
  6. Wendy

    Wendy New Member

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    I was thoroughly baffled by my mother's insane behavior toward me. While I didn't think she was normal or that I deserved to be treated that way, I did think that everyone hated their parents until I was probably a grown adult and realized not every family was as disordered as mine is. It was a rude awakening!
     
  7. Gamera3000

    Gamera3000 Active Member

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    My mom is mentally ill. As we got older her mom looked after her less and her mental illness got worse. So my initial memories of her are mostly fond, with a few mixed in of her doing f'ed up things, but then it slowly grew to be a nightmare. I'm not sure when exactly I started to realize that she was messed up. I know it took quite awhile to fully accept that she was nuts and her behavior and our living conditions weren't my fault.

    Now with my abuse as an adult...I guess I watched too many movies and had these ideas of how one is supposed to act in various situations. When actually in the situations myself, I did not respond the way I thought I should, so I concluded that it was my fault. It took me a long time to intellectually accept that those things weren't my fault, but I still feel responsible/stupid for falling victim.
     
    MisterCatLady likes this.
  8. MisterCatLady

    MisterCatLady Well-Known Member

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    My dad made a point to always tell me how good I had it and that I was selfish/dramatic to think otherwise. It wasn't until several years after I left his home that I began to identify the physical, emotional, and mental abuse for what it was. About two years after I moved out of my dads house is when it dawned on me that his sensual touch had been inappropriate. Even then it didn't really sink in until the next time it happened and I was able to think "this action that is happening right now is wrong".
     
  9. Neptune

    Neptune New Member

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    My parents and brother also went through one of my traumas (the worst one) and still f*cking normalize it. It annoys me... and hurts me. They think I'm over reacting. That everyone is suicidal and have flashbacks over "bad" moments of their lives.
    We all have a problem and I'm the only one seeking help. Sometimes I still question if I actually have a problem.
     
  10. garden

    garden Stars can't shine without darkness. Donated

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    I knew the DV was wrong. Maybe because there was a before and after. Before my stepfather I had a few 'snap shot' type memories of violence that had an emotional charge, but that was all. Those memories are from my biological father's violence, but he was out of our lives very quickly and after that when it was just my mom, brother and I there was no DV at all until she met her boyfriend, who is still her husband today. When he molested me while babysitting I was not aware that I had been molested because we were playing a game and I was 4, so it's really the aftermath of when my mom came home and my brother told her about our game, that was disturbing and confusing. When I was being sexually abused later by an 'uncle' I knew it was not right, but I was a child and had no means of escape, and the person in charge of me (I was living abroad with an aunt) was actually helping him. I felt betrayed by my uncle and knew innately that he wasn't supposed to do those things to me. He was an old man and I was a child and what he did hurt me. Maybe because I was physically harmed I knew innately that it was all wrong.
     
  11. 420kitty

    420kitty Active Member

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    I knew it was wrong and I knew it wasn't my fault. I was just too embarrassed and ashamed. There are always comments and stories about, "why didn't she just leave" or "it must have not been that bad since she stayed". So, I lived with it and didn't tell anyone.
     
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