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Discussing Relationships Is Very Frustrating.

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Since it's a little close to V-day, the talk around my walk place is what everyone is doing for it. My co workers and I were talking about it, I told them that I personally don't care for V-day but if my partners does I'll do something special for them but i'm guessing the last part flew over everyone's head. I started to get interrogated for why i don't care for it....I just don't. The asked me a lot of questions and we came down to the bottom line that I'm not a romantic person but for some reason I was more compelled to understanding why.

Since being on this website, I've learned that the reason I am today is because of what happened in the past. I don't look at marriage as a thing because my parents obviously don't take it seriously, about 70% of the marriages in my family ended up in divorce because one was cheating on the other or marriage was just a solution because they had children, both of those are the reason why I see my parents marriage as a joke. I look at valentines day and see it as a bit annoying.

I hate seeing people flirt, i don't like the thought of v-day sex or what ever, seeing a slew of chocolates,hearts and teddy bears everywhere I go make me nauseous. Thinking that i may have a romantic s/o in the future keeps me away from relationships (amoungst a lot of other things) .

I also find no attraction to male or female, both romantically or sexually. I'd rather stay home stuff my face with bbq pizza and watch movies with my dogs than to go out on a date. And oddly enough I feel like something is wrong with me because no one else can see it the way I do, but I can understand why it would be important to others.
 
No attraction to male or female either sexually or romantically? Asexual springs to mind? If that is the case, there is nothing wrong with you, it's just the way you are. Had a friend who is Asexual and once he accepted that he didn't have to fit into others terminology of a relationship, he accepted it. He could find no underlying cause, just how he is.
 
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I have the same feelings, I remember before the things happened to me I used to believe in all that romantic stuff, now I don't even have the desire to be In anyone's company.
It's safer to be alone, my heart is protected, but I must admit I don't feel worthy of this thing called "love". It just seems like a hassle, always the same story, meet, screw, get along for a while- then find out they are not for you- it ends.
Really I don't have the energy. My tv is a safer bet.
Truthfully deep down- I wish I could feel again- and when people are talking about love I resent them, because they can feel- and I cannot.
 
If you have had previous relationships and found people sexually attractive before your trauma then it's not the way you are naturally. It's a reaction to your trauma. I went on to feeling like that...the best way to deal with it is to give yourself a break and heal.....it can come back given time.
 
@richter scale I've never actually found anyone sexually attractive, I just... somehow found myself with people who were manipulative, one raped me and another, had I didn't come to this site for advice probably would have done the same. Because I was searching for help in any shape and form they took advantage of my weaknesses and used them for their own good. At the time of my first childhood rape I was at the age when I thought boys were icky..haha I've never been attracted to a male sexually, I felt as though I was briefly attracted to females but....even that felt wrong, just the whole sexual attraction thing just does not happen. I'm also very cynical so if someone is being "romantic" I won't notice it, I'll just feel like they have another motive.

The only reason I put myself out there for a S/O is because other people said that I needed one, I came a long way in a few months in terms of my self esteem, i would have done anything to feel like someone actually loved me
 
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I would say I want a boyfriend but when it boils down to it I won't be comfortable with someone, i won't get close anyone more than a friend
Your aversion to being closer than a friend could indicate that you have an avoidant or disorganized attachment style. This is common after childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse where intimacy and danger become linked.
 
Esha....you have got to do what is right for you and what is safe for you, at this time. You can work out what's what when you have yourself sorted out. My friend wanted the love, and basically everything except the sex....we all want to feel loved. If it's not right for you at this time don't get hung up on other people's expectations.
 
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