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Dissociation, What Are Examples?

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On a slightly different topic, I also get "triggered" by people I consider bullies. I fantasize about beating them up. I obsess about it for days. I have never hurt anyone, but there are times that I wonder if some day I will snap.

Anyone have any insight on this stuff?

Spero[/quote]

Hi, I'm not totally sure what I am doing with this stuff, but I wanted to express to you that you are not alone! I have often had these "visions" in my head of beating the crap out of some jerk that I heard yelling at his kid, or just some guy being a total ass, and nobody does anything about it. Sometimes I get sort of a "moral police" attitude towards people, especially the bullies, as you said. I have my theories as to why...something about being bullied in school b/c of things like not wanting to undress in the locker room at gym class, etc. Kids (even adolescents) can be very cruel...
 
I'm wondering if this is dissociation.

Sometimes when something bad is happening I go limp and I feel like I'm floating somewhere out side of my brain. I did this as a child and still do it now when something bad is happening.

Also sometimes nothing is happening and suddenly it's like I blacked out and missed something going on for a minute or a few seconds. Sometimes I miss whole sentences and came back half way through a whole different sentence. Or get a floaty feeling and get confused about where I am and what I'm doing.

<Edited spelling, paragraphing, and merged two consecutive posts.>
 
I've been on this site far too long today and I know it. But the topics here compel me to stay and learn about what the heck is going on with me? This topic thread has been helpful and I relate to so many of the posts.

I do not accept criticism well ... even constructive criticism. I paralyze and say nothing ... or rant in self-defense. I am thinking of scenarios involving work at the moment.

After a confrontation of any kind ... whether I defended myself or not ... the chatter in my head begins. I re-do the entire conversation in my mind, always winning in the end by getting the last word and making the critic choke on his/her rebuke of me.

Once the chatter subsides, I realize where I am in reality. It will be a different place than where I was when the chatter began and I will wonder, "how in the heck did I get here " ??? I would find myself stirring my coffee in the staff kitchen not recalling ever walking there. (just one example).

Some of the dialogue in my head is hysterically funny, though. I have to admit that! lol
 
Okay one thing to take in to account is that it takes a long time to stop disassociating. To me actually knowing that you are doing it is a BIG step. You learn more and more about it and you notice it more and more. This seems and feels like you are getting worse and you are making no progress when just the opposite is true. You are succeeding and part of that success (unfortunately) is noticing how much you disassociate. Sometimes it is breath taking when you find another whole arena that you are disassociated about or with.

So looking for strategies to stop disassociating that work for you is important and a great direction to be going in.

Being hard on yourself and seeing yourself as lacking because you are disassociating may not be helpful in some situations.

There is a lot of insight in the above posts. I haven't the time to respond to specific points at this time.

I would like to make the point that this is quite a sophisticated conversation with a great deal of insight with a tremendously hard amount of work being done.

Disassociation is a huge challenge for me and I have struggled with it immensely. I will return to this conversation to talk with you all more.

One thing I think is that the insight in this thread is something to appreciate and be proud of (and of course be as frustrated as hell with some times.)
 
Without my meds. if I became too stressed I guess a Major Panic Attack, I would forget things, like what I was making for dinner. My family would tell me I would function, speak with a little brogue with some words. Really strange things. They say I would have almost NO PERSONALITY!

My therapists would notice this and was diagnosed with C-PTSD w/Disassociation Disorder. I do not have DID! I read people who felt like they were in a fog or not in their body. I recall nothing. Since the meds. It happens very rarely. I do forget things alot when really panicking, but I remember all of that now. I know I'm new and I know I most likely didn't help much. I need to get of my meds.

The doctors want me to find another therapist since I can't behave that way in front of my youngest children. They are 9 and 8. My elder kids are 25, 23, 21 twins and an 18yr. old stepson. I just had a new Grandaughter and though I'm so carefull that my kids have as much as a normal life as possible.

The occaisional agorophobia is horrible but a therapist I trust is the only way I'm going to get better.

Good Luck, Maggie
 
On a slightly different topic, I also get "triggered" by people I consider bullies. I fantasize about beating them up. I obsess about it for days. I have never hurt anyone, but there are times that I wonder if some day I will snap.

Anyone have any insight on this stuff?

Spero

Hi, I'm not totally sure what I am doing with this stuff, but I wanted to express to you that you are not alone! I have often had these "visions" in my head of beating the crap out of some jerk that I heard yelling at his kid, or just some guy being a total ass, and nobody does anything about it. Sometimes I get sort of a "moral police" attitude towards people, especially the bullies, as you said. I have my theories as to why...something about being bullied in school b/c of things like not wanting to undress in the locker room at gym class, etc. Kids (even adolescents) can be very cruel...[/quote]
 
Spero, I have many triggers. I worked in NYC Family Court as an Officer and heard the most heinous things done to children. I have on the way to family funerals seen 2 of the graves of these children. Although my head is full of them, I have your feeling when I read the Paper! This isn't even what my C-PTSD is about though. Good Luck, Maggie This is so amazing to find people who might think like me. Although, I know everyone on here has suffered. That ofcourse is not amazing! Maggie
 
Okay one thing to take in to account is that it takes a long time to stop disassociating. To me actually knowing that you are doing it is a BIG step. You learn more and more about it and you notice it more and more. This seems and feels like you are getting worse and you are making no progress when just the opposite is true. You are succeeding and part of that success (unfortunately) is noticing how much you disassociate. Sometimes it is breath taking when you find another whole arena that you are disassociated about or with.

Thank you for saying this. I'm right in the middle of the first lesson you are mentioning. I am just now seeing how dissociated I have always been, really, and I don't even see all areas, as you said. There are probably more arenas in there.

I have amnesia for much of the abuse, and much of my childhood. Anything too triggering is blacked out. I have lost time, at ages 11, (three whole days) and recently, I have identified whole conversations I have lost with my H.

Because my abuse took place at night, at home, regularly, I begin to dissociate about 3:30 pm, when school let out. I am my best between waking and 3:30 pm. After that, I slide right into dissociation, as I likely did daily as a kid.

My thing is to tell myself "this isn't really real" and it sort of makes it/life/pain less harrowing. I have started to see that I do this as a first-line defense mechanism, and how it has allowed me to live a "normal" life in some ways. I was able to get through school all the way to an advanced degree and now am a professor and administrator.

I have read that those who learn to D. like I did can cope better with school, usually. I also completely didn't need to use drugs or alcohol. My own brain does it for me. :) Now I want to get out of these habits so that I can be better prepared to learn and confront life head on. Why? Because once a boy pulled a prank on me, and I completely blacked out for several minutes, during which he frantically tried to wake me and began to call 911. I don't want to risk doing that in a real attack.
 
Blanking out from 3.30pm each day sounds pretty rough. That is a time specific disassociation and you are aware of that. What a clever and creative way to survive. Of course that is not much help as an adult except to remind yourself to be gently persistent in your plans and practices of tackling your disassociation.
 
Some of the dialogue in my head is hysterically funny, though. I have to admit that! lol

I think that noting the humour and being able to share that, in that appropriate situations, can be helpful in a number of ways. Laughing about your own thinking can be grounding. It can make other people feel included and less alone. It can be educational without being didactic. It can entertain people and make their day.
 
Thank you for saying this. I'm right in the middle of the first lesson you are mentioning. I am just now seeing how dissociated I have always been, really, and I don't even see all areas, as you said. There are probably more arenas in there.

It is helpful for me, when people clearly state their experience and experiences. So I am glad that is useful for you.

I think being kind to your self is important because it is quite mentally exhausting to process all this information and takes awhile for it to become a part of your tool box.

Different techniques and strategies work for various individuals. Some things people suggest will be of assistance and some won't be and later on something will work that didn't work in the beginning.
 
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