• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Dissociation, What Are Examples?

Status
Not open for further replies.
For me dissociation is more like not being able to emotionally connect with my past. It is like I am a grown up now, and the child I once was, and that endured all the abuse and violence, are two seperate people.On a rational level I know I was that child, but on a emotionallevel I just cannot connect with that child.

So the things I experience and feel now as a grown up dont feel connected to the little girl I once was.

Emotions come out of that little girl into me, ( intrusive thoughts, despair, fear, anxiety, and so on) but the other way around is not possible. I cannot connect with the child I once was and with those feelings on a emotional level.

I live my adult live mostly in my head not in my emotions, while the little girl inside me, seems to only be build out of overwhelming emotions. It feels like they are separate from each other. I dont feel whole.

To me thats a defination of disocciation.
 
interesting stuff.. what about being super spaced out and forgetting you did things or doing them in a weird way - flooded the kitchen when i forgot to go back and turn sink tap off, today i thought i put the wet clothes in the drier with bounce sheet, turned drier on, then went back later and couldn't find clothes, found them in washer..door closed and everything. I was seriously surprised when I didn't find them drier.. makes me feel like I'm going nuts. But the past week I've been having dreams/flashbacks about stuff that I guess happened to me, feels familiar, don't remember it but it sure feels real, like it did happen somehow, sometime.
Have no counselling or anything right now, just a shrink once a month. PTSD program I was in discharged me as I had been in program technically for almost 3 years (2 year limit), no matter that 2+ of those years I was caring for my dying husband (he got better this past February after he got a transplant, then went crazy when he felt better, cheated on me and we're getting divorced).. so don't feel I got much treatment..!
anyways, hoping to get some more help soon, just waiting to hear. At least I have a great disability plan and health benefits (drugs aren't free in Canada), living in a great place now, just very alone lately. Daughter (22) has ptsd from her abuse by her bio father (long story) and is getting treatment. .I think she has a personality disorder as well, she has more problems than just ptsd, and is being very abusive with me lately, I've had to distance myself from her alot... which makes her madder...but oh well.
Today before the "forgetting" episode I went to the shopping mall (on bus by myself for 2nd time in my life here), and did some shopping.. oh did I mention I'm slightly agorophobic..lol. But I was not bad today, I thought, til I got home and was very antsy and then that happened.
Glad you guys are here to vent to, no one understands unless they have PTSD.. its very hard to explain to normal non ptsd ppl.. they just think you're weird..:)
-Brenda
 
I still do not know if I do it, but when I have these episodes, my senses get exquisite. It is like what I hear Extacy is like. I never too it, but that is what it sounds like. THings I touch, smell, etc.

My sense are already too sensitive, but during these times, it's way off the hook
weird! I have been noticing I can smell every little thing lately, when usually I seem to "hold my nose" all the time..don't smell, thought it was because I smoke and hate the smell.. but maybe not.
 
Like you, Cia0k and sterre, I have the same problems.
I am uncomfortable in public because I have been through a situation where someone lied and everyone believed her based on what she said. So now I don't know who to trust and just think everyone is the same person. Also I can't connect to my past. I used to see my life flash before me and i would get upset now it's just a blank wall. My parents can talk about their past - like today they saw a dog on tv that a friend in hs had and how high maintenence they were because of what their friend had to deal with. I can not relate to anybody. In my teens I wasn't all girly and had no friends and i was fine because I had my imagination to keep me company. But now it's like my mind is totally blank and i am not interested in any thing. i can't see myself ever having a normal life.

i can't relax if my life depended on it. My stomach always feels like knots and i can't see the positive any more. I used to see good in all people and now it's just the opposite because i can't trust any body. I also believe what people say to me like my parents like if they said the sky was green, i'd believe it, even though i can clearly see the sky is blue. :(
 
Hi Megan and hear you loud and clear about crowded places, it why we moved to a rural location but it still happens, I can be in tesco's and just hear a pig ignorant comment, it could be sexist, it could be racist or it could be just thoughtless inconsideration, not just for me but all those around, and there are times when I hear them say something that my mind somehow connects it with the trial and I wonder which way they would have went with the verdict.. sorry I just this moment realised that I do not wonder, I myself act as judge and jury and think that I know they would have went the same way.. maybe they would have, but more importantly... I have no way of knowing, yet from that moment I will be convincing myself that they would have voted the same way as the 12 original faceless jurors... and then... I start wondering/judging? about everyone else and need to leave the supermarket... this isn't fair on me, nor on people who cannot help being ignorant, for some it is not a life choice, it also works the other way around, can meet someone who looks and sounds intelligent, dresses like they are free spirits etc and wham bham they do something that not only betrays what they have said but who they are portraying themselves to be and then they too become another juror...

Trusting people is a huge huge thing we do in life, it can be one of the most rewarding things, but it is so hard to trust, really do hope you can find away to bring the walls down megan, imagination is a wonderful thing and recently have felt completely lost and detached from who I am, last night it felt I was turning my back on myself and walking away from me, but I think maybe thats because I am frightened about speaking to a therapist or counsellor.. logic being that I have lasted this long, so why go over it all again!!.. which is illogical... and doubts set in, can change happen? will it do any good?.... these are negative behaviours aimed at finding excuses not to change, to keep things as they are... now is safe, now is familiar.. so why change anything? but I counter these with "hey ho give it another go"... doing things for ourselves is also tough.

My recent episode it was confusing because on the one hand i had rage and the other their was love/compassion, the rage won.. maybe thats what therapy can achieve? help reverse that behaviour, but my rage was well directed, sick and vulnerable people need safeguards, and when you visit somewhere that is primarily for sick people and see no safeguards, no safety nets then you feel a certain exploitation is going on, where egos are more important than people..
 
interesting stuff.. what about being super spaced out and forgetting you did things

*nods*

Indeed

Also I can't connect to my past. I used to see my life flash before me and i would get upset now it's just a blank wall.

I have this too. I am trying to work things out.

My stomach always feels like knots

My stomach feels for your stomach. I have had a rotten one? two? weeks with my stomach.

So now I don't know who to trust and just think everyone is the same person.

When you are on hyperalert you can't make those nuanced and refined judgements and decisions. Be kind to you. You are having a hard time.

maybe thats what therapy can achieve?

I believe so. That is my belief.

but my rage was well directed, sick and vulnerable people need safeguards, and when you visit somewhere that is primarily for sick people and see no safeguards, no safety nets then you feel a certain exploitation is going on, where egos are more important than people..

Intergeneration social change occurs because people have the decency to feel rage and anger at injustic and exploitation and then they make other people aware of it and then they start doing the little things that end up being a big shift for their community.

So the rage is right sometimes.

The only thing is not for us to get caught up with it in a destructive way.

(This, from a woman, who finds it hard to feel anger.)
 
Philipa,

Thanks for your response. Maybe the level and extent of fantasizing is the difference between normal play and dissociation. Maybe there is a line on which one side it's normal and the other side it's not. Food for thought. I know that I used to get so into playing "horsey" that it totally embarrassed my sisters as I didn't care who was around, I did it until I was at least 11, and one day I got so frustrated by a piece of hair in my face that I ripped the whole chunk right out of my head and kept right on running around on all fours. But, maybe I did just have a really active imagination.

Very interesting about your brother. I think people often pick up on stuff and maybe he is feeling something from you. Do you feel tense or angry alot?

Spero
Hi Spero...

Um, I'm a little embarrassed that it's taken me this long to reply to your post, but if you are still interested...

I was very angry for a long time...I would get these build ups of rage and anger, which I would release in a safe way by punching pillows and stuff, and taking a plastic batt to my bed and just pound it...my poor bed(;

When I was in public though I did not seem to recognize the anger if it was there. He seemed to pick up on it though...? It's hard to say though, as he projects a lot of his own stuff onto me... so it's highly possible it was his own anger...though, he has said to me before when we were sparring that I am a really angry woman, and I've had counsellors acknowledge that I am so angry, so hurt. I really was extremely hurt for so long. I didn't even know a person could be that hurt. It was overwhelming.

I'm glad I did acknowledge it though, instead of keeping it inside...because that's what leads to more depression, and I've been through enough of that. Anger is a very powerful emotion, and it's really important to release it in safe ways that don't harm anyone. If you can find the right people to help support you through this, then all the better. I just did it on my own though from a lack of the right people in my life at the time. Ironically I have recently met some women who have dealt with their anger and have supported other women to express theirs in a safe environment...it's always the way though.
 
I dissociate a lot. I get really happy like on drugs. it stays for a while and then i get all serious. and shit. I worry about my future a lot because i have no friends and can't really be in a conversation due to social anxiety and over hall shyness when i was little. The first time i started pretending was in high school when i knew no one because all my friends went to different schools. Then it started and I thought it was normal. It lasted until earlier this year when my grandma who had lewy body dementia kept saying that there are imaginary things like clothes coming through the wall and immigrants sleeping under the table. She was would bring whatever was on tv into her own life...when it wasn't. I was doing that with tv shows and pretending to be someone else but more in age because I liked x-files/7th haven/ncis. it would help go to bed. I would still concentrate on school, and stuff but when I was alone, i would go for walks where I would pretend since I didn't know what to think about. now i just don't have a clue what's going on with my mind.

i have tried to meet new people but i always felt years younger than i am...like mature wise. I always liked adults better when i was in high school as friends. I just feel inadaquate like, i never had sex. never had a boyfriend. don't know how a 25 year SHOULD act and what is normal. :(. I just feel like i'm an outcast in the world. This summer i went to my cousin's wedding and danced with the groom for a dance. It felt awkward because I was in one of my "high moments" and didn't know what to talk to him about so i just kept saying that the dvd should be done before christmas," in like a joking matter. It was soo awkward.

But i just feel inadequate because I still like cartoons/computer games (such as neopets). I just feel like i never grew up mentally because of all the bullying i endured. I missed out on a lot of things. It was worse in college. but i never really took any thing seriously in high school. I scored low on SAT's got through school with B's and C's. Now with dissociation and lack of knowledge of how to act and shit i' just dont' know if i will get through this. I remember i had a crush on a boy in elementary school but he just didn't like me back.. I never had a boyfriend never been in love. never really been attracted to a guy or girl.

It feels like i dissociate a lot like 24/7.
 
I have terrible problems with disassociation. If someone self medicates with alcohol or drugs then people
don't have high expectations that they will do or remember what they said when drunk or stoned.

It is very hard when you have checked out to do the things you said you would. Sometimes I think
who was the person that did that?

Having inner body experiences is interesting - being in yourself, rather than being spaced out of your body. I don't really know how to explain it.

The first time I was in my body - it was scary and took time to work out what
was going on afterwards.

ms spock
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top