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Disturbing Images...

Discussion in 'General' started by Shinigami_Shimai, Jul 19, 2007.

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  1. Shinigami_Shimai

    Shinigami_Shimai Active Member

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    I keep getting this disturbing image and feeling the last couple of months and I have no idea where it keeps coming from. Someone steps up behind me and places a knife to my throat and slashes my throat open. It is so startling that I find myself stopping what I'm doing to look around and grab my thoat to find out if it is alright. I can almost feel the blade upon my neck and taste blood in the back of my mouth, but I have no understanding as to where this images is coming from. It happens alot of times when I'm watching my face and I suddenly look up at my image in the mirror to find out if everything is alright. It is getting rather scary and I wish I knew what this was happening. I recall being punched in the throat once when I was attacked and I've had someone cut me with a switch blade, but I do not recall ever having a knife to my throat. This is really beginning to upset me and when I took Kim she seemed a bit worried. I've had flashbacks of being stabbed before, but nothing like this. What the hell is going on with my mind? I can understand my wrist twitching from my old scares, but why would I start having flashs of something that I don't think ever happened. I just can't understand it.

    Does anyone else have weird flashes that they can not understand? Has anyone ever felt as if something had happened to them but not recalled it every happening, or even has any sign on their body of that kind of thing happening? I just need to know that I'm not lossing my mind completely this time.

    Well jaa ne

    Kat
     
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  3. Lisa

    Lisa Well-Known Member

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    I have the violent images and scenarios. I don't know why I have them, and I know they haven't happened before too. I find that I get them when I'm really stressed out and anxious. But that's the only thing I've been able to figure out with them. I'll be interested to hear what others say on this, but I'm sorry I have nothing constructive to say!

    I also have old scars that actually hurt years after they healed, so I just wanted to say I relate to the wrist twitching in a weird kinda way.

    So if you're losing it... so am i lol.

    Lisa
     
  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    hi Kat,

    I believe they are called Intrusive thoughts. I have them too. Mine are more pronounced when I am having a trigger effect. One of my triggers is (gross) Dead bodies. Ok, so how do you escape from a wake or funeral. Anyway......

    When I am at a wake or funneral, I get triggered(actaully starts around the time I hear about the persons death) By the time I get to the wake, I am a mess, and the flashbacks are pretty bad. THEN I start to have the intrusive thoughts. The one I get over and over is the body sitting up and looking at me. OH CRAP!!!!!:eek: First time it happened I beat feet out of the Funneral Parlor, and didn't stop till I was home. I was scared to death. It actually felt real, like the person did sit up. I know why I have the trigger. I know why I get the flashbacks. I know why I get the intusive thoughts. I just wish that they would GO AWAY!!!!!!!

    I think this is what you are going through. It's probably reared it's ugly head due to all of the stress that you have been under lately.

    Go take a long hot bubble bath, have something to drink, play some music, and just chill for awhile. Hopefully they will leave as fast as they came. Try not to focus on them. Try to think of other things. Keep yourself grounded in the here and now....

    Hugs,

    Wendy
     
  5. Shinigami_Shimai

    Shinigami_Shimai Active Member

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    There isn't much that calms me down and that is a major problem with me. I usually have to let things pass and blow over, hoping that they will pass quickly and not stay around too long. If I relax too much I've found things start seeping into my mind and I ended up surrounded by weirdness instead of it going away. I'm not sure why that is. I mean I love to relax in the tub, but if I let my guard down I start seeing strange things so I feel I need to keep a bit of a barrier up at all times. Can never fully relax. I'm only been on one vacation in my life and that bothers my doctor. We have been trying to find something that relaxes me but does not cause strange affects for years now.

    Well, thanks for the advice. I guess that means that I'll probably have to live with this until the move at the very least... god I hope the next month or so go by smoothly, because I don't think I can stand anymore surprised.

    jaa ne

    Kat
     
  6. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I think it is part of being on edge and our endless "what if" scenarios that come into play. Being told to relax is a simple way to put it. Thing is you need to learn how to relax and train your mind to move off to more pleasant thoughts. It isn't just something you do once or try once and you are done. It takes a long time to even begin to learn to relax. I still have troubles somedays to keep my mind focused.

    You can start to retrain by listening to guided visuals on CDs. They tell you parts of the body to work through to tense and relax or just relax with a soothing voice and soft music. Also, breathing exercises are done the same way. Some are almost down right silly but since we have such a vivid imagination it can be good we transform into a balloon or fish, or talk to animals! We learn to think in a new way. To not just imagine fears and scare ourself silly, we can eventually make ourselves giggle to some of the silly shit.

    These had taken months of practice to finally get it down and focus for long periods. But now I normally can switch gears rather quickly away from negative thinking and fear. I can even watch the news more often where before I just never could.

    The way I saw it my mind was like my arm. I always carried a baby on my left hip so my left arm was much stronger than the right. I had to force my self to use the other one even though it was much harder until it caught up. Our brain is just so used to one way it is hard to learn the other, we just have to not give up. It is an exercise and just as tiring for a while as lifting weights!

    You have to have patience, and practice a lot. It is something new you are trying to learn. It will take time. Just like if someone said playing a guitar works... Well, it will take a while for you to learn it. No different here. Search for guided visuals to start with, there are free downloads on the net. I still listen to them at least once a day.

    Good luck, this can be changed.
     
  7. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    I think I might have something similar, not so much disturbing images, but I imagine horrible scenarios quite often. Like for example, if I'm crossing a bridge, I will often imagine the bridge collapsing and me falling to my death. Or when I was living in the city, if I passed men on the street I imagined them attacking and murdering me. All sorts of different scenarios, all that end badly for me. You've gotten some really good advice from Wendy and Veiled, I'm not sure what else to add except that I think I can relate.
     
  8. Monarch

    Monarch I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    People talk about disturbing images all the time on here, look for some old posts, that might help you see how others react and take care of them.
     
  9. Shinigami_Shimai

    Shinigami_Shimai Active Member

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    Thanks everyone for replying.

    Veiled - Those CDs are a trigger for me because of a therapist that really messed me up. He claimed he wanted to know what was bothering me and would help me so he had me sit in a chair and he turned on this tape that started playing ocean waves while telling me how to relax, starting with my legs and arms. I can not remember what happened but one minute I was sitting in the chair and the next I was screaming and cowering in a corner. He claimed to be trying to hypnotize me or something so I would tell him my past and instead I ended up freaking out. I think i was about 13 years old at the time. Years later at another hospital I was given the CD again to calm down, but instead I ended up getting very aggravated and in the end tossed the CD at the nurse. So now whenever I hear ocean waves and the like I find my mind slipping and it very hard to focus. I would love to find that doctor and find out what the hell he was trying to do with me because I still get flashes from that bloody day and I hate it.

    The real reason I can't calm down in a tub is because I have a paranoid fear of cold water. No matter how hot the water is within a few minutes it is too cold and I started panicking. I have no idea what causes me to freak out, but if someone splashes cold water at me I start cowarding and crying. I feel so stupid for having a fear of cold water and the only way around it is to have quick baths to make sure the water does not get too cold. My wife has been very good about this and will actually make sure the water is nice and hot before I get in and will keep it hot while we are in it. *sighs*

    Batgirl - I get those flashes as well. I think it is because I've been beaten by gangs of kids so many times. Mostly when I see someone with a bat I suddenly see them running at me and hitting me across the head. or someone pulling out a knife on me. *sighs*

    The only way I've dealt with these things before was to either try to ignore them or I would force myself into a breakdown by watching every show that I know causes me to come apart. I would watch until I completely fall apart and cry myself to sleep and then I would be better the next day. The thing is I've cried for several days now and these images will not stop. I'm actually terrified of watching the shows that I know will cause me to crumble and most have been packed away so that leaves me not much really. Is it even health to force yourself to collapse?

    Anyways, thanks for the help. Monarch I'll keep searching the forum for other ways to cope. Thanks everyone.

    jaa ne

    Kat
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I would suggest finding something that does not have the same "background" like waves. Look into low impact yoga as an alternative. You work on muscle groups and are active and still relaxing. Just try something different if one way won't work. One thing there is no shortage of is a variety of relaxation techniques in this day. But it is up to you to seek them out. There is massage, and dozens of others. It is in the info section. But you have to do it and long term to see results. In time you will see you can do things you never thought you could. Just take a step.
     
  11. Shinigami_Shimai

    Shinigami_Shimai Active Member

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    God, the very thought of searching through those CDs makes me start to shake. I don't think I'm ready to face those things just yet. I keep fearing that it will just trigger me again and just passing them in a store gives me problems, many stores actually have a display that play them out here. I can't take that step right now, not in the state I'm in at this moment. My doc thinks things will calm down when we move. I just have to make it till then.

    I did find something that calms me down though. Curling up with my wife. I love the feeling of her snuggling up against me. For the longest time I was afraid to be touched by anyone and would always feel nervous in another's arms, but she understands me and can just curl up with me without things turning sexual so it is really nice and I actually feel myself relaxing at times. Last night we curled up for a few hours just chatting and did the same in the morning. I ended up sleeping for a long while and I don't feel that knife against my throat at this moment. Maybe all I need is to curl up with her for a time when I start getting these visions. *shrugs*

    Anyways, thanks for trying to help.

    jaa ne

    Kat
     
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