G
Gese
Full disclosure: I am writing in regards to my ex-girlfriend, so I suppose I don't qualify as a supporter anymore. I'm sorry if this offends anyone on here - I understand these forums are sacred and you don't want them crowded with posts by non-supporters.
My question is if sufferers can truly comprehend the pain they are inflicting on their loved ones while symptomatic. I've never fully been able to get my head around the "they can't help it" concept, especially when I see so many sufferers on here fighting back against the idea that they have no free will and can still make choices.
I had the familiar soulmate, intense, love of each other's lives story that I read on here quite a bit. And it is one thing for for my loving, compassionate ex to go emotionally numb and push me away. When she first confided in me about her PTSD from sexual abuse, I did a lot of research to understand her illness and her pain. What I struggle to understand is her lack of remorse.
She knows full well that she is the first woman in a long, long time who I opened myself up to and trusted. Who I allowed myself to love with an open heart, and she played a big part in encouraging me to do that by making me feel safe. So when she broke up with me and started talking to me as if I was a stranger she barely knew, I was (and am) really hurt. I feel betrayed and I can only imagine what trust issues this will create long-term. And the thing is, she KNOWS that. She knows exactly what something like this would do to me and how shocking and traumatic this sudden loss of love and basic decency would be for me.
If she's not healthy enough to be in a relationship right now, I would never make her. I also understand the importance of giving a sufferer space when she needs it. To this I did not object or fight, except for a little loving encouragement that she lean on me for support if she felt comfortable rather than pushing me away. But why not be decent about it and treat me with respect? Like someone who you called your dream man just days before the switch occurred? I understand when emotionally numb you don't feel anything, so I'm not expecting her to be overly kind or anything, but she really acted like this was no big deal. She acknowledged how selfish she's being, but she kind of just shrugged her shoulders and had an attitude of "get over it," which if you knew my ex and our relationship, would blow you away.
If there's not an emotional awareness, is there not at least an intellectual awareness of, "Whoa, I'm being really awful right now and what I'm doing must be tearing him apart. I still need to be alone but I'll at least try and act like everything we had mattered, rather than talk like it was no big deal."
My question is if sufferers can truly comprehend the pain they are inflicting on their loved ones while symptomatic. I've never fully been able to get my head around the "they can't help it" concept, especially when I see so many sufferers on here fighting back against the idea that they have no free will and can still make choices.
I had the familiar soulmate, intense, love of each other's lives story that I read on here quite a bit. And it is one thing for for my loving, compassionate ex to go emotionally numb and push me away. When she first confided in me about her PTSD from sexual abuse, I did a lot of research to understand her illness and her pain. What I struggle to understand is her lack of remorse.
She knows full well that she is the first woman in a long, long time who I opened myself up to and trusted. Who I allowed myself to love with an open heart, and she played a big part in encouraging me to do that by making me feel safe. So when she broke up with me and started talking to me as if I was a stranger she barely knew, I was (and am) really hurt. I feel betrayed and I can only imagine what trust issues this will create long-term. And the thing is, she KNOWS that. She knows exactly what something like this would do to me and how shocking and traumatic this sudden loss of love and basic decency would be for me.
If she's not healthy enough to be in a relationship right now, I would never make her. I also understand the importance of giving a sufferer space when she needs it. To this I did not object or fight, except for a little loving encouragement that she lean on me for support if she felt comfortable rather than pushing me away. But why not be decent about it and treat me with respect? Like someone who you called your dream man just days before the switch occurred? I understand when emotionally numb you don't feel anything, so I'm not expecting her to be overly kind or anything, but she really acted like this was no big deal. She acknowledged how selfish she's being, but she kind of just shrugged her shoulders and had an attitude of "get over it," which if you knew my ex and our relationship, would blow you away.
If there's not an emotional awareness, is there not at least an intellectual awareness of, "Whoa, I'm being really awful right now and what I'm doing must be tearing him apart. I still need to be alone but I'll at least try and act like everything we had mattered, rather than talk like it was no big deal."