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Childhood Do wierd fantasies give clues about original abuse?

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Noisytulips

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When puberty hit and my hormones took control of my life, I could only focus on two scenarios the first was my crush being in a closet or something and watching me have sex with someone else. The second and most prominent was me with two guys which eventually turned into more. I currently find it repulsive but think it's odd for a 12 year old to want these things. Is it normal to seek out the same thing that traumatized you? I was very promiscuous throughout all of high school and got no pleasure from it, it just made me feel wanted or something. Why did I do this?
 
I had memories as a young 7 year old of fantasizing about being a sex slave. I think it was because of my abuse. Now when I first started having sex... I have submissive fantasies again and like the idea of a man degrading and abusing me. Like I want to be a perfect housewife that really turns me on who pleases only her husband. There is some innocence to that, but I feel like the trauma takes it too far.
 
As you shared in your other post, you were sexualized before 12... at 7 by another child. One who was being molested, right? So it is not all that odd at 12 you were having sexual fantasies.
 
Frequently this happened to me, even as an adult. Usually afterward I'd have flashbacks about it. Sometimes flashbacks during fantasizing.

I had memories as a young 7 year old of fantasizing about being a sex slave.
I've written about those types of fantasies as an adult in stories and then had flashbacks immediately after writing the story.

I used to and still do at times have fantasies about something happening in a shower. Also two men using however they want. Later the flashbacks would come in bits and pieces.

When I finally pieced together a memory I figured out that my father had called my his sex slave and used me like that along with several other men.
 
When puberty hit and my hormones took control of my life, I could only focus on two scenarios the f...
Yes this is common, and i want to introduce the idea that this is not exactly a fantasy but more like intrusive thoughts. I felt the same way about my thoughts and felt it had to be something i wanted if i think so much about it. But i know it not something i want, it would actually make me miserable, so i guess my best advice is to try and focus on the part you know is true, you Dont want those things and those thoughts are most likely residual memory.
 
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