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Sexual Assault Do you ever feel lust for your molester or rapist later on?

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anonymous

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Do you ever feel lust for your molester or rapist or an abuser later on?

Sometimes my body reaches out and wants more, but this repulses me. I know that we can feel sexual pleasure while being raped, but do any of you feel some kind of desire for someone who has abused you in some way later on, once the abuse is over?

If you do, how do you handle this? How do you deal with it?? How do you live with it!!!
 
this is relevant to me and it's something I have tried to talk about in therapy but it always falls flat with response from the counselor. I do not use the word Lust for this experience. I do not believe it is lust. However, yes, I went back for more to the very rapists -- and abusers. I never understood what the hell was going on. I read in the bible once the verse, "like a dog that returns to its vomit," and I thought, yes that's me! I'm like a dog that returns to its vomit! I didn't just think about it, I did it! My counselor doesm't really want to talk about that with me though. The only thing that was mentioned was "many people do that. it's called stockholm syndrome" I have no answers, only that yes I have this experience.
 
I looked up stockholm syndrome and it really does not fit in my case, as there is no mutual feeling between the abuser and myself, as far as I know. In other words, the abuser has no feelings for me that I know of. However, about some 6 months after the abuse, I seem to have developed some feelings for the abuser, sexual in nature, though I do not feel good about these feelings, they trouble me greatly. It is like my whole world has turned upside down. I do not understand what is going on with me. I tried to explain it to my therapist, but I could not find the words. I was embarrassed about it too, which made talking about it very difficult.

I appreciate your honest answer. Feel free to discuss it further here. Maybe someone here can shed some more light on it for us, than just slapping a label on it and saying that it is common.
 
Do you ever feel lust for your molester or rapist or an abuser later on?

Sometimes my body reaches o...
If you don’t mind me asking- do you mean that you are wanting for that specific person or for the feeling that was associated with that person?
 
This may be a similar situation. I have a work bully, our issues are personal and he has been fake nice and incredibly cruel. I will never win his approval and I know this, but I still want it. Not sure why. I also would have dated or married my rapist if he had asked. And... I did go back a month later. Rape just really f*cks up your body and mind.
 
Maybe that person who has been a bully to you has raped your mind? Just a thought. @TexCat

Yes, rapes really do F*CK up one's mind, agreed!
 
Oops! I thought this would have been anonymous automatically lol I almost said that out loud!!!!!!

I don't see that specific person though they have been present all these years in other people specifically.
 
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I don't see that specific person though they have been present all these years in other people specifically.

Ah, now that is the key in my situation, in a way, although the abuser presently is someone who has been abusive to me verbally only, the past persons have been so in every other way imaginable, and I went back to them too, over and over again. Yes, my life is full of patterns. They repeat over and over again.
 
I have known for years I was repeating patterns and I have thought about this for years and today, I was talking about it. I wanted to do it in therapy but she was sick : ( All these things are patterns. I have been wanting to escape for years. The specifics are not important. They just get plugged into the pattern. I see my children repeating some of them : (. I remember years ago saying to my partner "I need this to stop" I thought I was being specific, and talking about specific behavior but part of me knew I meant something else. I knew we were just acting out stuff from our respective pasts. You don't really believe it though at first.
 
Do you ever feel lust for your molester or rapist or an abuser later on?

Sometimes my body reaches o...
Do you ever feel lust for your molester or rapist or an abuser later on?

Sometimes my body reaches o...
I think I know what you mean. After my abuse I went through so much blame, believing I wasn't good enough and that's why what happened happened. Almost as though if I had more to offer then this person would have cared more and not hurt me in the way they did. Months on from it, I found myself having "loving" feelings for them; wanting to be with them, wishing in some way we could've had a future, believing we could've been something. I tried to open up to friends and explain how I missed this person and had convinced myself that I cared about them, not just emotionally but on a physical level. It was strange because during abuse I hadn't for a second felt pleasure (I went into a freeze), and now suddenly months on I was convincing myself I could love and wanted this person. Also with it being a date r*pe, I'd only just gotten to know him, I felt crazy feeling so strongly for someone I barely knew who had caused me so much pain. I looked into quite recently after having a sexual dream about the perpetrator and read something really interesting that I think could help both of us. The person wrote that these sexual fantasies, etc could be the brain's way of trying to regain control over our situation, and that by imagining and being aroused from the memories of the assault, our brain could be basically saying to us, "no, I'm not going to get hurt and this time I'm going to control this situation and I'm going to enjoy it instead of suffering." I know when I read that made things a lot clearer for me, so I hope it does the same for you, or at least you find your answers somewhere. Don't be hard on yourself. We all deal with abuse differently and we shouldn't feel shame for that.
 
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