SeekingAfrica
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Something would trigger me, and then I would start having these "frozen" moments, many times throughout the day. And it would linger on, sometimes for few days at a time.It hasn't happened to me in a while, but it's happening now and I really don't have time for it, but I don't really know how to change it...
What happens is after I'm triggered, I start feeling distant. Everything goes foggy and suddenly there are a lot of memories going through me, like watching a video montage...all of the moments connected to the trauma that got triggered, situated around the time when the person hurt me, though not all moments particularly of the worst of it. Some of it just random memories of that time, things I haven't thought of for years...moment in which I feel I should have known in which direction things were going, moments for which I feel guilty like I could have done better despite of what happened.
And all these things go through me in flashes. Like after the first trigger, I would have such moment, then eventually get out of it and calm down. Sometimes these moment also come with crying that I can't stop or throwing up and crying. Eventually I'm calm- I go on about my day- I'm doing something completely regular- and bam, there it is again, another set of memories. And suddenly everything is foggy and I know kind of that it's a memory and I need to get out of it and distract myself, but I can't make my body move at all so I just stay like that. And on and on, waves of memories for days at a time. And when they happen it feels like it's really fast, but I actually lose a lot of the day that way in that state. And there is a lot of crying and little sleep and I find it hard to concentrate much on other stuff...And since the other night it's happening again.
I keep trying to distract myself. Do housework. Work, call a friend, write. But it still happens for few days. And I manage to do things in between but I lose a lot of time for this. Like I'm sick or something. Is that just me??
What happens is after I'm triggered, I start feeling distant. Everything goes foggy and suddenly there are a lot of memories going through me, like watching a video montage...all of the moments connected to the trauma that got triggered, situated around the time when the person hurt me, though not all moments particularly of the worst of it. Some of it just random memories of that time, things I haven't thought of for years...moment in which I feel I should have known in which direction things were going, moments for which I feel guilty like I could have done better despite of what happened.
And all these things go through me in flashes. Like after the first trigger, I would have such moment, then eventually get out of it and calm down. Sometimes these moment also come with crying that I can't stop or throwing up and crying. Eventually I'm calm- I go on about my day- I'm doing something completely regular- and bam, there it is again, another set of memories. And suddenly everything is foggy and I know kind of that it's a memory and I need to get out of it and distract myself, but I can't make my body move at all so I just stay like that. And on and on, waves of memories for days at a time. And when they happen it feels like it's really fast, but I actually lose a lot of the day that way in that state. And there is a lot of crying and little sleep and I find it hard to concentrate much on other stuff...And since the other night it's happening again.
I keep trying to distract myself. Do housework. Work, call a friend, write. But it still happens for few days. And I manage to do things in between but I lose a lot of time for this. Like I'm sick or something. Is that just me??