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Do you evernfeel jealous of those with good families?

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Pemujal

Hello,
I feel guilty about this, but sometimes I get so jealous when I see someone who has a good family, someone who is close to their family, someone who has family for support.

I was close with some relatives as a child and during the abuse as long as I stayed quiet I had a lot of family around; when I went to the police about what was going on, the family either rallied around my abusers and choose them over me, just completely disowned me, or were young like some of my younger cousins and were not allowed to see me until years later and then were no longer interested. Sometimes I see someone with their happy families and think, why isn't that me? I see someone with their sibling or their cousin and I want that so badly, I want relationships with mine too, I want a loving family. Sometimes I just have to excuse myself and have a few moments away when I'm around someone having a time with their close relatives because it hurts; seeing what a good family looks like makes me realize how much I have lost, or never really had I suppose, the contrast between their family and mine just highlights to me what I don't have and I feel terrible for that. I feel selfish for feeling that way. I am happy for them that they have a good family, I really am, but at the same time it just hurts.

I was wondering if others felt the same way, if you ever struggle seeing, hearing about, or being around people with supportive or close families?
 
Yes. Sometimes watching those families feels like watching an alien species. I guess I don't wonder any if the "why's or...
Agreed about it seeming alien; sometimes I don't really understand how a "normal" family interacts it all seems so foreign, I feel surprised when I see them being so supportive and have friends tell me "thats just what families do" but it just feels so completely unlike anything I had growing up
 
Oh yes, totally !

And I am not just jealous of people who have a good family, I am jealous at anyone who has a family, good or bad.

In fact, I envy anyone who has some kind of connection with some family members. And since I don't know anyone who doesn't, that makes me virtually jealous of everyone I know. Virtually because it does not hurt all the time.

It used to be incredibly painful to simply hear about someone's relatives. Now I can be around of my friend's relatives without hurting so much. Most of the time. I found that it helped to focus on the person and the relationship I have with them. That way, I can avoid comparing their family with my lack thereof. Christmas time is still very hard. But overall, it does get better.

I don't feel guilty about it. And I don't think it is selfish. It is just painful.

Just like you, I did have a family as long as I stayed quiet about the abuse. I miss having a family. Even if it was a bad one. I want nothing to do with my abusers (father and brother), but I still miss being part of a family... their family.
 
Yea sometimes that can get me down when I see a happy couple or family but then I remember that I volunteered to pay the cost.
Guess my situations a lil bit different. I turn it around and tend to think good for them they should enjoy it. I'm glad they can.
 
Oh yes, totally !

And I am not just jealous of people who have a good family, I am jealous at anyone who has a f...
Yes, the holidays are so hard. Sometimes when I see someone out with their family I just want to tell them how lucky they are but I don't want to seem condescending or make them feel bad; I just honestly want them to know how lucky it is that they've got a family
 
I think, losing, or not having, a loving family is like a death, you don't realize how interconnected everything is unless it's not there.

I've been in all positions: loving family, enraged family, scapegoat, inappropriate role, no 'loving' family to speak of.

I am glad if others don't go through it. It is painful though- silly things- no ride from surgery, no meals, no Happy Birthday or How-are-you, no one to feel has your back, no support, no safety net or concern, no one to celebrate for or with, no one to live or fight to stay alive for, a feeling of non-existence. Especially uncomfortable around others who have it, or don't think far enough ahead to realize there is a difference.

And for those who exist but reject, their rejection is painful too. I kind of find you have to choose what to do with it.
 
I think, losing, or not having, a loving family is like a death, you don't realize how interconnected everything is unle...
This is so true. Its all those little things; makes you just feel like you've lost so much. Or hearing "normal" growing up stories. Can be hard for me to relate to people with families in that way because they'll be telling childhood stories and I just have to stop and think, oh wait, you mean your family didn't abandon you for that? You mean that relative stayed and helped you? You mean you didn't get beat for that? etc. etc. I can be really hard to tell funny childhood stories to because I just had no experience with those kinds of loving family. Example they'll talk about a time when they did something and messed something up in a funny way and the first place my mind goes to is, I would have been beat and screamed at for that. I don't know, just can be hard to relate to people who had families
 
I am horribly jealous and I crave family so bad it hurts. I wish I could figure out how to stop craving family. I would take a semi abusive (just not sexually) family over being all alone in the world any day.

I am glad if others don't go through it. It is painful though- silly things- no ride from surgery, no meals, no Happy Birthday or How-are-you, no one to feel has your back, no support, no safety net or concern, no one to celebrate for or with, no one to live or fight to stay alive for, a feeling of non-existence. Especially uncomfortable around others who have it, or don't think far enough ahead to realize there is a difference.
The lack of safety net is very scary. I am afraid to take risks. What if I went out at night and something happened. No one would know I was missing.
 
I am horribly jealous and I crave family so bad it hurts. I wish I could figure out how to stop craving family. I woul...
Yes, exactly. I was out late at night recently and had a bad health scare, I was walking and honestly thought I would not make it home, and I realized, who would care that I was missing, who would notice? If I collapsed I might not be looked for.
 
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