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Do you evernfeel jealous of those with good families?

Discussion in 'Anonymous' started by Vuhumi, Feb 7, 2018.

  1. Tasivuf

    Tasivuf Anonymous

    Relate on many fronts with you all. I, too, miss family. No messy details needed concerning the whys and the hows for lack of family. It is what it is. This Christmas was extremely difficult. I pretended that it was a regular day so I binged watched, a sci-fi series for two days. It was the ultimate avoidance!!! Felt good, too.:D I want to say more but it all hurts and is like mourning a perpetual death, so I will leave things be. You all know the character of loss and want...
    blackemerald1, Rosie11 and Fadeaway like this.
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  3. Kugovi

    Kugovi Anonymous

    I relate so very much. My ex has a wonderful close family and its highly triggering for me. I'm seen in a negative light because of it but they can never understand the pain it causes to not have those relationships. It's a pain they will never ever know.

    Even when I hear my coworker bring up her grandmother, its like a knife to my heart. I feel so horribly alone and lost in this world. I too relate to the feeling that if something were to happen to me, no one would know. The weather is bad here and I sometimes think about if I were to get into a horrible car accident, or some other accident, how no one would wonder where I was or know to look for me unless I missed work. I think about if i died how there would be no funeral.

    I don't have friends I can't understand how to form relationships or how to trust people who try. I have no one and it's so horribly painful and lonely. It's made for a dreadfully long life and I haven't made it even half way.

    I'm so sad we have had to deal with this loss and this pain. I'm sorry to you, I hope we one day find peace with this burden.
    blackemerald1 and Rosie11 like this.
  4. Kifuk

    Kifuk Anonymous

    I am so sorry you have this feeling.

    I have worked hard on boundaries with my family and often wonder what it would be like to have had functional family. Especially now in trauma, it would be incredible to have people to go to, to tell who were unconditionally there, with love before judgement.

    But I do not feel unsupportive/ abusive family are a benefit. I try and stay balanced over the tools I gained from my upbringing; independence, self reliance, compassion, balance, ability to not personalise in the midst of most emotional situations.

    And try and work on the stuff that is not so great that is now my responsibility as an adult.

    Certainly in trauma my longing has been severe. I even found myself googling and finding some places where adults are asking for 'adoptive ' parent figures or parents. But I recognise this...at that moment... As something that is not realistic. :) I also think, bizarrely editing down my friends, removing some of the less reliable acquaintances from my social circle is proving helpful.
    blackemerald1 and Rosie11 like this.
  5. Jamozob

    Jamozob Anonymous

    I feel horrible watching those commercials on Television where couples, families, friends are all having such a great time.... really???
    I think there are a lot of families out there with new victims of all varieties being perpetrated against even as we wish them luck. Or think they are the lucky one's...
    Sounds horrible but I suspect that is closer to reality.
    I've had to write 'nil' in the next of kin form for so long now & look away when I get the 'sad' look...
    Supervixn and Rosie11 like this.
  6. Kewo

    Kewo Anonymous

    My parents always used to say ’no family is like that’ about depictions of functional families. To an extent I agree with that still; I do not believe that people go through life untouched by struggles or unchallenged by communication failures inside their families it without making mistakes and errors. But I do believe that some families work through them and apologise and give each other time and don’t cause harm and mainly stick to the golden rule.

    I think trying to pretend it's impossible is a cop out for dysfunctional family leaders who do not want to self examine.
    Muttly and scout86 like this.
  7. Olob

    Olob Anonymous

    This is so enlightening to read. I never thought of anyone suffering with ptsd or any mental illnesses feeling this way. I guess my ex may have felt this way as well, but never brought it up or had me feeling as if he was feeling this way. This is good information to know.
    Supervixn and Rosie11 like this.
  8. Vuhumi

    Vuhumi Anonymous

    I have felt so much of what everyone is talking about. When I was younger, it was much more jealousy, now it's more... I don't know.,,, what the feeling is. My closest friend has taken me and made me family. And that is great and a gift. And when I'm just with her, her husband and daughter, I'm ok. But when it's the whole extended family, I always end up with this... ache? And I've known them all for decades. I know their ugly side. They aren't leave it to beaver. But they are family and they aren't abusive. They aren't the crazy that I grew up with and had to escape.

    I just had the lack of ride for surgery issue. I got a ride in the end and I am grateful. But I find people don't understand what it feels like, when you don't intrinsically have those things. I'm not saying this well. It's not just what you don't have. It's how that comes across in a world built on expectations you do have it.

    I still find myself searching for that connection. An older lady at work becomes friends with me, and I start plugging her into the mother role. But of course she's not my mother and I'm just setting myself up for hurt.
    Supervixn and Mee like this.
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