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Do You Find It Strangely Easy To Lie?

Discussion in 'Social' started by gigi2690, Oct 13, 2011.

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  1. gigi2690

    gigi2690 Active Member

    It’s amazing how easy it is to lie, including convincing most of my friends that I’m a horrible liar. I suppose it's my emotional distance that allows me to easily lie to all except the closest of friends. I’m an expert at lying to myself. I dislike ice cream, French fries, all chips except tortilla, and most processed sweets because I convinced myself I did as a teenager. I used to like them all. I became very good at lying to myself. It made it easier, convince myself I had a good summer. Convince myself that my life was normal and everything was okay. That there was no abuse or neglect. I think part of the reason my past is so blurry, is because I’ve stitched in so many lies. A messy patchwork quilt where truth and fiction have become muddled.

    I don’t lie to promote myself, or to be right like I suppose some do. I lie to bury harsh realities and to deal with my anxieties. Recently I’ve started telling the truth, to both myself and others. It’s been hard. I’ve been migraining at an increasingly frequent rate. I’ve made my parents’ eyes brim with tears they wouldn’t let fall in front of me. I’ve been laid bare. Not completely honest mind you, but more. It’s as refreshing as it is terrifying and difficult. But I think it’ll be worth it. I certainly cannot keep living a life married to lies just to allow myself to breathe.

    I guess I wonder. Is this ease in which I lie common to PTSD or is it because I had to lie to my abuser so often to keep her pacified? Is it specific to my abuse, or something many experience? And if it's felt by many, does it get easier?
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  3. missd84

    missd84 Active Member

    Interesting question gigi2690. I think as far as lying to ourselves, that it is pretty common. It's a matter of survival. A girl in my group brought up that her therapist said that she was brutally raped and she seemed shocked by the word brutally. She never attached that to her experience but admitted all rape was brutal. I've felt the same way, distancing myself from what I've been through, because facing it full on, is very scary.

    As for if we lie more to others, I'm not sure. I will tell little white lies when first getting to know someone because I don't trust them enough to lay out all my emotional baggage right off the bat. I think it's good that you are being more honest and I can only imagine that it will get easier with time.
  4. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    I am a very honest person. On a rare occasion I might tell a little white lie to avoid hurting someone.
  5. AngelaMarie

    AngelaMarie One moment at a time is the best I can do!
    Premium Member

    I have such a very hard time telling a lie! It's because I have been lied to so many times and devastated by the truth.:(
  6. atl22

    atl22 Find the center.
    Premium Member

    I try to be as honest as possible but I did once have the habit of lying if someone asked me about scars, which I try to keep hidden (although 2 are on my face). When I was younger, I would just randomly make stuff up when they asked about my face, such as: I got bitten by an elephant, aliens abducted me, skydiving, got my face stuck in a meat slicer, etc. It was easier than telling the truth. People don't really want to hear the truth so I hide it from them. It's just easier. Now, instead of lying, I just change the subject until they stop asking. They usually get the hint.
    OKRADLAK and AngelaMarie like this.
  7. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    No one ever asks me about the scar on my face. I had a birthmark removed years ago. Occasionally someone will ask me about the scar on my neck from my thyroidectomy. And no one can see the other scars I have on my belly. So yup I'm an IT now. :laugh:
  8. gigi2690

    gigi2690 Active Member

    By the response I'm getting, lying to hide mental and physical scars is common (I definitely do that), but the pervasive protective way I cocooned my mind in lies to myself and others may stem from my specific trauma. I had to lie to my abuser to keep her satisfied, and to people in my life to keep the abuse hidden. I worried that there would be death on my hands if I told. Iies became a tool.

    Thanks for the responses. This helps answer my question.
  9. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    Best way to deal with it. ;)
  10. CraftyCath

    CraftyCath Flying Free
    Premium Member

    I fool myself sometimes, I hide the truth from people when it is the best course of action but I seldom tell lies. I have lied (It would be a lie to say I have never lied!:rolleyes:), but I honestly don't lie very often.
    AngelaMarie likes this.
  11. maddog

    maddog I'm a VIP

    Hi Gigi. I wanted to respond to this, but this is a rather difficult and triggering issue for me right now, so I think this may only be a brief response for now.

    I understand what you say when you talk of your abuser requiring you to lie. Mind did likewise, in a somewhat different way. He would force me to concoct lies about things that had happened to me, to explain the origin of injuries for example, and then to tell the lies over and over again to absolutely anyone and everyone. Once was never enough. A simple statement of false facts was never enough. No, for him, the fun was in the humiliation and mental torment, so he would require the lie in the first place, then question me aboutit more and more, requiring ever more detail and dishonesty, and then have me tell the story publically, repeatedly, so that he could shame me for my stupidity, carelessness, or whatever was at the heart of my having hurt myself in the fictitious story.

    My childhood was an endless series of mistruths, and he taught me to live lies as though they were reality.

    As a result, I learned to lie easily, quickly, and very, very well. It's an evil disgusting skill that shames me to the core. Sadly, it's not something that's easy to leave behind. I have spent almost all of my adulthood obsessed with telling the truth to compensate for this innate tendency. I've slipped up once, spectacularly, and nearly paid a terrible price for it, but mostly I am too terrified of lies to do much more than tell the truth about the big stuff.

    But in terms of the little stuff, lying is 2nd nature to me. Everything from the innocuous "of course I'm fine", when I'm not, to lying to get out of social situations I don't want to attend, making up reasons why I can't go somewhere/do something, etc. Disgustingly ashamed of it, but so hard wired to do it that it's taking my whole life to learn not to I think.

    Sorry, guess this response went a bit far didn't it.

    But I do understand what you say. It's hard when we are taught that safety can be found only in lying, because that's a lesson that's burned so deep into our brains that maybe it never goes away.

    AngelaMarie and gigi2690 like this.
  12. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    The behavoiurs we learned in early childhood are the hardest to break. But I do respect you for admitting you do have an issue concerning this. That is showing you are not in denail about it. Which in a way is a good thing. It all takes time to deal many problems in life not just this. Even worse with us trying to fight this damn PTSD.
    CraftyCath likes this.
  13. gigi2690

    gigi2690 Active Member

    Thank you for your feedback maddog. I know what it's like trying to address a triggering subject in your own mind let alone written and posted for viewing. As sorry as I am that you experienced what you have, I do gleam a small amount of comfort from knowing that this ease with which I lie is felt by another. That it isn't a fault of my soul, but something ingrained into me in my youth.

    My therapist likes to say that trauma leaves a photocopy on the brain. That things are placed over our mind like a blanket. It's hard to see what's around it, but it can eventually lift. I like to believe that. That this lying is just layered over me because it was required and through reflection and choice I can convince my mind that I no longer need to lie. That I can toss that part of the blanket from covering my eyes and thoughts.

    Sandra likes this.
  14. maddog

    maddog I'm a VIP

    Thanks Sandra and Gigi for your responses, that was hard to write and something I'm not sure I'm glad I did, but your responses helped. Ironically, it was the horribel lie I told in adulthood that was the trigger to beat all triggers that tore open the packing tape on the past in the first place, and so some day, maybe I'll even be thankful for it. That's what I try to tell myself anyway.

    And of course I didn't really address the other aspect of your post Gigi, about lying to protect yourself from the nature of your past. Gosh, I did this for years, right up until lasst year in fact. It can't have been that bad... my parents were just sick, confused, didn't know any better... I deserved it... it was all my fault...

    Some of these internal lies die easier than others. As I said, I wonder if some of them live on forever.

    God, this makes me cry.

    AngelaMarie likes this.
  15. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    Big hugs for MD.
  16. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    It is not your fault. So don't even think it.
    AngelaMarie and gigi2690 like this.
  17. Deimos

    Deimos Active Member

    I lie every time I meet someone. They say "How ya doing?" I respond with "Good and you?"

    On a serious note, I think with PTSD by nature we lie. It's how I survived my trauma and kept functioning in the real world.
    OKRADLAK likes this.
  18. Sazza

    Sazza I'm a VIP

    Bit of a mixed one for me. I don't like being lied to so i avoid lying to others all that about expecting others to treat you like you would them. I prefer people to be open with me yet i struggle to be open with others this is not because i am being awkward its more because i find it hard to trust and let people in.

    I try not to lie where possible, i have however lied with regards to how i feel not intentionally but more because fear of being open has scared me that much that it has been easier. I have this barrier that comes up inside me a protection thing that sometimes means i lie when i don't mean to mainly about how i feel though. I feel guilty lying and of late admit to telling a fair few lies whihc i am ashamed to have to admit. At the moment i feel like a part of my life is a lie because i am keeping things about my illness from those closest to me, to do that i have had to tell some lies alone the way not full lies just had tell few white ones to protect them from the truth as i don't want them worrying. Blimey writing this making me realise i am a lier and i hate lies but sometimes needs must. I am not going to make excuses up but for me sometimes i find it easier to lie a little with regards to my situation to avoid any fuss.

    I actually feel really angry and bad now realising i am more of a liar than i thought :(, please do not judge me when you don't know my circumstances.
  19. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    Well I can understand that response since most people don't want to hear about aches and pains.
  20. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    A lot of reasons I don't lie is cause I have a bad memory. :laugh:
    gigi2690, Deimos, atl22 and 1 other person like this.
  21. maddog

    maddog I'm a VIP

    That's funny Sandra, and true. The problem with lying is that you have to remember what you said...

    Sandra likes this.
  22. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    One of the symptoms of thyroid disease is memory loss.
  23. atl22

    atl22 Find the center.
    Premium Member

    Yes, but it definitely is not as fun as spontaneously making up an absurd story just to see the reaction on their face. Also, it's a good way to find out if my friends could be trusted. Sometimes, I would ask them not to tell anyone. Then, an hour after I told them, I would get a phone call from a different angry friend. "I knew that was a bad zoo! How dare they not secure that elephant! I'm going to call them right now and give them a piece of my mind!" (Actual quote.)
  24. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    I know what you mean.I have been going to the wound care clinic for this gash that's been on my leg for over 3 and a half years now. When the nurses ask me how it happened. I tell them I saw a man walking down the street and thought he was rich with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. And I fell down some cement stairs when I was chasing him. So far none of them have bought that story. :roflmao:
    atl22 likes this.
  25. AngelaMarie

    AngelaMarie One moment at a time is the best I can do!
    Premium Member

    This is one of the threads that I am so glad to see so many truthful answers! One of the reasons I love the forum!:)
    gigi2690 likes this.
  26. Sandra

    Sandra I'm a VIP

    It's so easy to try and run and hide from issues. Admitting it is the first step.
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