SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
Mine is about having very little money(on the level of I can't pay for food/bills) type of thing, so if I ever have money trouble I get myself in really bad state mentally if it goes on for too long.
In any case, the bad part is, once I am out of it(let's say I receive payment or whatnot, after having been waiting and figuring out miracles to pay for stuff) it's like this whole tension and flashbacks and triggers and things that had hold over me get released, and I am so weak with relief my brain starts racing and for like a day or two I'm completely incapable of actually working. Not sure what to do about that.
It's like while there was crisis and I had to figure out the next payment or meal I held on somehow, and once I get paid something(even if it's very little) or get the next work order, I just can't start on any new work for at least half a day...even when I think it would be a really useful idea....so yeah...that is one really important trigger. But yet one I haven't been able to change so far.
It just happened- this morning I finally got work after months of waiting and searching. It's not a deadline thing, but it's the sort of thing, the faster I do the job the faster I get paid. So I freed my day and was planning to do this job and others, but my mind is racing so much from relief and unbelieving that change is actually occurring and I can relax, that I can't calm down whatsoever and I just want to lay down so I don't feel dizzy.
In any case, the bad part is, once I am out of it(let's say I receive payment or whatnot, after having been waiting and figuring out miracles to pay for stuff) it's like this whole tension and flashbacks and triggers and things that had hold over me get released, and I am so weak with relief my brain starts racing and for like a day or two I'm completely incapable of actually working. Not sure what to do about that.
It's like while there was crisis and I had to figure out the next payment or meal I held on somehow, and once I get paid something(even if it's very little) or get the next work order, I just can't start on any new work for at least half a day...even when I think it would be a really useful idea....so yeah...that is one really important trigger. But yet one I haven't been able to change so far.
It just happened- this morning I finally got work after months of waiting and searching. It's not a deadline thing, but it's the sort of thing, the faster I do the job the faster I get paid. So I freed my day and was planning to do this job and others, but my mind is racing so much from relief and unbelieving that change is actually occurring and I can relax, that I can't calm down whatsoever and I just want to lay down so I don't feel dizzy.