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Discussion in 'General' started by angel, Jun 21, 2007.
Do you cycle, and when you start do you notice a pattern? Is it the same everytime?
Yes I notice a cycle, I work hard when the cycle begins to break it, if I can I can shorten the cycle. Pattern, hmmm....yes but not definitive.
How does your cycle go and how do you stop it?
I'm still figuring out my cycle...I know that part of it is...
...hypervigilance, fog, depression...
There's probably stuff before and after it that I haven't identified. I had figured out some ways of short circuiting some of them sometimes, but nothing seems to be working this time.
Sometimes my cycle can be started by something that happens or somethings that happen that add up and put me on overload. I get grumpy, isolated, abrasive and then I have problems sleeping. When this happens I fight tooth and nail, because severe nightmares follow and those have several that "get me". I can break it at times by instantly addressing what the problem is and lessening what is on my plate. Sometimes I isolate and try to veg out and calm myself internally. It can also be understanding of what is going to effect me. For instance, I am going to New York, good time for all. However, I will be in the home of my past abuse, see my sister that was the abuser and be passing by a scene of another traumatic event suffered at the hands of a maniac. I fly it by the seat of my pants and pray that I can control my PTSD, otherwise there are times I have to cut my trip shorter or stay elsewhere. I find strength in being able to face my past head on and look at the many repairs from past trauma's in the house. Patched holes where my head went through the wall etc. I could look at those things in a totally bad way, however I look at them as how strong I have become, what a wonderful mom I am considering what I went through, and I am alive and a survivor. I like to stare at the different things however and never forget the tortured little girl that was once me. I am still tortured when I allow myself to be, but....that seems less and less and I cannot explain this, but its all how your mind percieves it. I am alive and a decent person and that is quite a miracle. You have to learn to like you. I hope this helps, sorry I rambled on. (((Big Hugs))))
I know when I am heading towards bad news... biggest tip off is when I stop wanting to be around people, and find myself rushing everywhere just so I can be alone. I guess that's the depression pattern tip off. For spacing out, I start to feel the urge to curl up into a ball on the floor specifically, or I notice that I start to feel halfway in my body halfway elsewhere in my mind. For total meltdown I feel tension everywhere in my body, my jaw clamp shut, and super worried about nothing and everything.
hypervigilance, fog, depression I think is actually the best way I could articulate my pattern for PTSD as a whole though!