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Poll Do You Re-create Your Trauma?

How you re-create your trauma? (Select no if you don't). Please discuss below if comfortable.

  • No - I dont re-create my trauma.

    Votes: 19 17.1%
  • I seek out many partners to have sex with.

    Votes: 20 18.0%
  • I sexual want to be hurt by partner (sexual harm).

    Votes: 42 37.8%
  • I sexual self harm (gentials).

    Votes: 19 17.1%
  • I tend to cheat on my spouce/partner, with or without knowing why.

    Votes: 17 15.3%
  • I have once or more than once sexually touched a child (as a child or an adult).

    Votes: 4 3.6%
  • I tend to have regular risk seeking behaviors (life threatening or very close to).

    Votes: 35 31.5%
  • I tend to anger easily and tend to scream and/or lash out at others on a regular basis.

    Votes: 30 27.0%
  • I tend to put others down all, or a lot, of the time.

    Votes: 9 8.1%
  • Other - please explain below.

    Votes: 28 25.2%

  • Total voters
    111
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I've been drawn back to this discussion. My acting out has got worse recently. I'm inflicting damage internally and making myself bleed. I seem to be recreating experiences of medical treatments to my genitals combined with sexual abuse. I'm sure I'm going to cause some real damage but I can't stop it or moderate it. I feel a bloody mess. It's worse in some ways since I went back on anti depressants. Although I'm calmer, the medication negative affect on my libido means it takes much longer to achieve orgasm. So the physical damage is worse.
 
Dare I say it but there are safer ways to self harm and yeah the meds suck the life out of libido. Try a punching bag without gloves or the rubber band around the wrist trick and pull it up and let go - hurts but no harm done. I don't really know - just reaching out and brainstorming
 
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@Mit, I also self harm my genitals. Of course it isn't good but it is also a recreation of what was done to me in my trauma. It is my "punishment". Always has been.

My therapist knows and I tell him each time I cut there. We discuss why and other ways I could have coped better. Not to shame me but rather to understand new coping methods for next time.

I stopped the regular "punishments" when I stopped the regular self harm but I still run to it here and there. It is a comfort zone and it is hard to venture out of my comfort zone but needed to heal. But, my therapist says, we tend to keep running back to our comfort zone when being out of gets to be too much. So, that is normal. But we must always keep venturing out of it so that eventually the comfort zone line moves.

Does your therapist know? If not, I would tell them as they really need to know.

Gentle understanding :hug:s
 
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