I've been drawn back to this discussion. My acting out has got worse recently. I'm inflicting damage internally and making myself bleed. I seem to be recreating experiences of medical treatments to my genitals combined with sexual abuse. I'm sure I'm going to cause some real damage but I can't stop it or moderate it. I feel a bloody mess. It's worse in some ways since I went back on anti depressants. Although I'm calmer, the medication negative affect on my libido means it takes much longer to achieve orgasm. So the physical damage is worse.