I went to the doctor this afternoon because I have an excruciatingly sore throat. They decided to swab me for strep (negative) and not having had that done in a very long time, I wasn't really thinking about what it entailed. I have a severe problem with being forced to gag, which has mostly occurred in dental appointments, so I guess I thought it was more of a dental related thing than a gagging thing? But when the nurse poked me in the back of the throat and I started gagging uncontrollably, I flipped out and was not expecting it at all.
The nurse was just like 'yeah, it tastes nasty (NOT the problem!) and while she asked if I was ok, completely ignored that I said 'no, I'm not ok', and just left. I spent the next ten minutes alternately bursting into tears and calming down a little, then bursting into tears again. I think the worst part was just feeling so out of control, like, aware that it was such a tiny thing but unable to stop crying about it.
When the doctor came back in, I just shut down completely. I'd been fine beforehand, asking questions and describing how I felt, but now I couldn't say anything other than monosyllabic mumbles, I couldn't meet her eyes or even look at her face, when she gave me options and asked which I wanted I couldn't decide and almost started crying again. I felt so embarrassed and useless and incompetent.
I couldn't even manage to go in to the store and get my prescriptions on the way home, because deviating from 'drive straight home' had me panicking. It's been ages since I've had any sort of reaction like this, and at least in dentist situations I'm ... prepared, I guess? I know that it's a possibility that I may be set off and try to prepare for it, but not being at all mentally prepared for it this time just messed me all up.
I've been shut down and teary since I got home, and don't have anyone I can talk to or get any support from. I just feel really alone and really stupid.
The nurse was just like 'yeah, it tastes nasty (NOT the problem!) and while she asked if I was ok, completely ignored that I said 'no, I'm not ok', and just left. I spent the next ten minutes alternately bursting into tears and calming down a little, then bursting into tears again. I think the worst part was just feeling so out of control, like, aware that it was such a tiny thing but unable to stop crying about it.
When the doctor came back in, I just shut down completely. I'd been fine beforehand, asking questions and describing how I felt, but now I couldn't say anything other than monosyllabic mumbles, I couldn't meet her eyes or even look at her face, when she gave me options and asked which I wanted I couldn't decide and almost started crying again. I felt so embarrassed and useless and incompetent.
I couldn't even manage to go in to the store and get my prescriptions on the way home, because deviating from 'drive straight home' had me panicking. It's been ages since I've had any sort of reaction like this, and at least in dentist situations I'm ... prepared, I guess? I know that it's a possibility that I may be set off and try to prepare for it, but not being at all mentally prepared for it this time just messed me all up.
I've been shut down and teary since I got home, and don't have anyone I can talk to or get any support from. I just feel really alone and really stupid.