• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Does A Flashback Sometimes Feel Like This?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Srain

MyPTSD Pro
This flashback or ??
When I'm lifting off and out of the here and now I'm not just leaving the present I am skimming the memories and scenes like floating down a hall looking into each room and there I am with the year or years of life once lived. 'Sometimes viewing people and places I've lived a hundred times but seeing things I've never noticed before or actually feeling what that image is bringing to light. I sometimes get confused as to why I didn't notice certain things or why I seemed so unemotional or why nobody seemed to react the way that would seem "normal".

Often I shake my head and move away quickly and there is another room with another set of years and on and on. I some times can stop or keep going but I don't know what I want to do, I get scare if I'm by myself unless I allow myself to go in angry so I at least have protection. If I go in curious I always come out hurting and in serious pain.

Am I suppose to enter these unafraid? Or am I not suppose to enter them at all?
 
Hi rain,

My flashbacks are different. I don't have visual flashbacks, for me it's mostly the voice of my mother filling my head with all the hateful things she used to say to me. I also have my "inner critic" (now that I know what it is) pointing out all my failures in life that reinforce what she used to say. It's real noisy in there and keeps me from being able to think straight.

I don't think you're all of a sudden supposed to be unafraid. After all these are memories of things that have happened in the past that terrified you. If they hadn't you wouldn't be having flashbacks. That's just my opinion.

I'm thinking of you.
 
Hi rain flashbacks are different for everyone mine to are visual. No words of advice I'm afraid but reliving things over and discovering things may previously forgotten is common.

I hope you are feeling a little less afraid today, sometimes we need to feel afraid to work through things.
 
I guess flashbacks are truly different for everyone. I don't know if anyone can relate to my experience, but I will often 'intellectually' know that I am in the here and now, but don't 'feel' like it. It's not like the common description of a combat veteran who flashes back and literally believes he/she is back at war. Mine is more of a feeling state, emotionally and physically. I may see flashes of the past, but not so intrusive that I am completely incapacatated.

Best wishes Srain :)
 
Dear ((((Rain)))), I've got both visual and auditif flashbacks. Have you talked about those flashbacks to your T ? I was trying to avoid them as I would dissociate easily ... sort of wanting to run away from the pain of going through all that again. I was a psychologist and social worker that finally helped with therapy and the psychiatrist helped by finding the right med combination to keep me balanced. At least now, when I feel I will dissociate, I pinch myself to get back to reality. Get professional support for this as this is a very exhausting experience ... physically, emotionnally and psychologically.
 
"Am I suppose to enter these unafraid? Or am I not suppose to enter them at all? "

These lyrics are playing as I read your post.
"You ask me to enter, then you make me crawl, you hear me coming love, hear me call, see me scratching, lord you make me crawl".
It's One, U2, one love, one life etc. There is a vibrant peace about your words Rain.
I've strangely grown to love anything resembling a flashback, most of the time I get a hint of the past and end up grabbing at the special moment that just slips away. I feel I want to examine my memories as closely as possible, be the flashback and live it again. I don't know if this is good, but I can never reach the memory I want to get to. I think I have some self examination still to do to understand my experience & life.
Maybe I over analyze myself ! Ha!
Either way, fear is an illusion, nowhere but in the mind. Don't be afraid, imagine you're made of gold, strong and adaptable. I think there's a diamond in there too.
Less or little time, for us to try to rhyme, so many highways to travel upon.
I keep using song lyrics in my posts, music therapy rocks (and rolls)!
 
I think flashbacks vary greatly according to the event, how you internalized and experienced it. There was one incident in high school involving rape, and I only flashback to one feeling, one moment, and that's more than enough, I don't remember the rest. I have flashbacks of being in a cab somewhere in Mexico, being in an abandoned lot, having to make smart decisions and quickly, not having control of the future. And in Cairo during the revolution, I feel like my body remembers the terror and reacts to loud noises, shouting, and smoke. It all depends. If it feels different, it is, I never understood these episodes to be flashbacks until a few days ago.
You learn as you go, how you want to approach them, how you inevitably react, what you wish were different, and how to heal. I hope you are able to work through this. I think part of facing the fear of a trauma is being afraid. I hope you have a solid support system to help you through this.
 
Thank you everyone. I am realizing as I go that my flashbacks are keep changing. I had forgotten I had written this post so as I reread it and all the great responses, I've been going through something a bit different than I was when I first started this process. I am not so much afraid now as I find levels of pain, less fear, and allow myself to let them take over. I know there are answers there but the never ending question has always been how many answers do I really need???

I'm an answer person but I am getting weary. I know more than I want to and the characters in the play are dying off. Most are already gone. It would really be for my own knowledge at this point. Knowledge for knowledge's sake. The question........... hmm I always was curious, go on without fear. It's for me to know.

Rain
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kim
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top